Advice please

[Kellog88]

Hiya, so I'm after some advice please. I'm 20+1weeks pregnant. Hubby and I both wanted to try for this baby but since being pregnant he's only once touched my tummy, talked to it and asked how I am .. yes once! Since then he doesnt do any of that, nor does he ask about what baby is doing .. you know like on the apps where it tells you about its development week by week, he rarely cuts me any slack as this pregnancy has been tougher than my first and just doesnt seem interested. First pregnancy he was very involved and interested. So my 20 week scan is tomorrow. He knows it's the 28th June but hasnt yet asked me the time. So I feel I shouldn't have to be his secretary & remind him of something so important. No one is reminding me, I'm looking forward to it! So do I just see if he asks the time/turns up or not? My gut is he wont ask and he'll forget and wont be there.

Just tell him when the scan is, no point falling out over it.
Men just don’t tend to be as interested as we are.

Thank you

You are setting him up to fail by expecting him to read your mind! Talk to him about the scan and about how you want him to be more involved

I’d call that a pyrrhic victory

Tbh, I think it’s difficult for some men to bond with what is basically your stomach for quite some time

I've already spoken to him about how upset I feel that he doesnt seem interested.

He was totally different with our first pregnancy too but maybe because we were new-ish together and it was our first I guess.

Thanks for your posts

Honestly, I was less interested in my second pregnancy than my first. All the 'it's the size of a grape' stuff is great first time, because it's all new. Second time, I just got on with it.

Having said that, I'm not sure why you are withholding the scan info from him. What have you got to gain by that? If you want to go alone, then sure, it makes sense. But if you'd rather have him there, why would you not tell him? It doesn't help either of you.

In a way you are punishing him for not being interested, and I get it because I’ve been there. But please don’t do it, it will cause massive festering resentment, and will be the beginning of the end of your relationship.
‘Don’t be me, tell him when the scan is and gently remind him of other things you want him to do in the pregnancy.

Thanks peeps

YABU

DH always found the early stages of pregnancy hard to comprehend. He is quite a literal person so when there is nothing for him to see it didn’t seem real to him. You are living every second of the pregnancy but for your DH it’s a remote experience. Mine was always better after the 20 week scan and when I was more obviously pregnant.

True

True .. I'm living every second whereas everything's normal for hubby still

My hubby barely spoke or touched my bump for the first pregnancy, when the second was twins, I don't think he ever bothered.

He just kept saying it doesn't feel real ... it was different when they arrived.

Thank you, seems quite a common thing then with partners reacting this way