Just been stuck in a sauna full of men- how to act

Macbeth8 · 2022-06-26T22:08:55+00:00

I have just been to my local lesiure centre. Decided to use the spa facilities this evening. Never have done before. Usually use it on my day off or before work. Just so happened I had the opportunity to with the kids being in bed. Basically, was so uncomfortable. There were all men. I was stuck in a sauna fill of men who started talking quite discriminatory about a sensitive topic. Felt really odd..I didnt want to get up as I was in a bikini and felt like as soon as I moved they would all be ogling me! What would you do.? Never been in that situation but felt really vulnerable. A few of them made a few sexualised comments towards me. Felt ill and had to stay there until they all started to disperse.

Motnight · 26/06/2022 23:12

That sounds awful, Op. Sorry you had to go through this.

TeapotTitties · 26/06/2022 23:13

Are you asking if you should've reported them to staff for their sexual comments?

If so yes I think you should have. Not sure what the staff would do if they denied it though. Horrible situation for you to have been in OP.

Neverendingdust · 26/06/2022 23:13

I used to use saunas a lot pre-Covid so it was normal to spend anywhere up to 15 minutes in them, I wouldn’t leave until I was literally pouring with sweat. So I’ve been in similar situations as yours and have been unable to leave for longer than the 15 minutes, almost passing out. There’s nothing worse, especially when the conversation is loud, it would drive me insane the number of times I’d have to endure overbearing sweaty people talking shite. I do miss a good sauna and steam session.

Original poster

Macbeth8 · 26/06/2022 23:14

Now I think Im just being ridiculous..I have bad GAD. Also, hardly talk to males as my partner has always been quite controlling/paranoid.
I mean at work its a different story
I ignore men who would lets say try to chat me up at a bar/pub but this was just so awkward as I genuinely went to go relax in the sauna.
One guy actually just made pleasant convo..maybe im over thinking it.

OP posts:

Fingerscrossed22 · 26/06/2022 23:15

I would've reported them to staff and wanted something done about it tbh.
Gross.

PonyPatter44 · 26/06/2022 23:15

You absolutely should have reported them to the staff for harassment. I despair of these men who don't seem to be able to control themselves in public spaces.

I'm sorry it happened to you. It should NOT happen to anyone.

onepieceoflollipop · 26/06/2022 23:16

I would have felt very uncomfortable.

I had an experience where I was alone with a male in a steam room. He started doing exercises and at one point kept standing on the bench very close to me and I felt intimidated by his odd behaviour and lack of personal space.
as he kept on doing it I calmly walked out and spoke vaguely to the lifeguard (who I kind of know as I’m a regular)
I said something like he might want to check on the guy in the steam room as perhaps he wasn’t well and was behaving very oddly standing on the bench and getting overly close to other customers. I got the impression they knew of him and the lifeguard shot over to the steam room.

Pugfostermum · 26/06/2022 23:17

They obviously shouldn’t have made sexual comments, but otherwise I don’t think you can go to a mixed sex place and complain there were men using the facilities.

BeneficiaryMadness · 26/06/2022 23:18

You need to report if you were sexually harassed by a few men in a sauna! No wonder you felt you couldn’t leave. How many of them were inappropriate with you?

IckGirl · 26/06/2022 23:18

You aren't being ridiculous
Those men were out of order
Your partner is out of order. Is leaving him feasible? You state you have Generalised Anxiety Disorder and also that you live with a controlling/paranoid partner. I can't help but wonder if there is a link.

Original poster

Macbeth8 · 26/06/2022 23:18

Neverendingdust · 26/06/2022 23:13

I used to use saunas a lot pre-Covid so it was normal to spend anywhere up to 15 minutes in them, I wouldn’t leave until I was literally pouring with sweat. So I’ve been in similar situations as yours and have been unable to leave for longer than the 15 minutes, almost passing out. There’s nothing worse, especially when the conversation is loud, it would drive me insane the number of times I’d have to endure overbearing sweaty people talking shite. I do miss a good sauna and steam session.

@neverendingdust

You have nailed it. I was quite surprised..every other time ive been its been a mixed bag and no one is really talking as like you say its normal to spend upto 15 minutes for the benefits
I think I was just a bit freaked out tbh.

Loads of men sat there. One asked if I needed a hand to get down?! Sometimes I wonder if its just me being sensitive as maybe he was being genuinely nice?
Another two lads asked if they minded if they rubbed oil on themselves...that was a bit sleazy.
They just all started talking about how LGBT was disgusting and how its coming into their kids schools..was awful.

OP posts:

onepieceoflollipop · 26/06/2022 23:18

If you didn’t/don’t feel able to report in person you could email or phone and give descriptions (maybe ask to discuss with female staff member)

IckGirl · 26/06/2022 23:20

onepieceoflollipop · 26/06/2022 23:16

I would have felt very uncomfortable.

I had an experience where I was alone with a male in a steam room. He started doing exercises and at one point kept standing on the bench very close to me and I felt intimidated by his odd behaviour and lack of personal space.
as he kept on doing it I calmly walked out and spoke vaguely to the lifeguard (who I kind of know as I’m a regular)
I said something like he might want to check on the guy in the steam room as perhaps he wasn’t well and was behaving very oddly standing on the bench and getting overly close to other customers. I got the impression they knew of him and the lifeguard shot over to the steam room.

There was a guy like this at my old gym. Would come to a majority woman exercise class and then dance around in the corner doing his own thing but taking up a load of space that the women around him then couldn't use to do the class. Would come up to the whirlpool tub thingy and lean over the edge and dip his hands in the water right next to women who were using it. So tiresome.

EmmaH2022 · 26/06/2022 23:22

I’ve been in a sauna with two blokes

it was in a spa and I mistakenly thought they were single sex

wanted to leave immediately and should have

as it was I stayed about ten minutes, then one of them asked me to go on a date with him.

I just said I had a boyfriend. Then he was looking relieved that I left but I always wondered if he was trying to get rid of me.

would not have have used mixed sauna on purpose.

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 26/06/2022 23:27

Did you not have a towel with you? (you could have covered up if you were embarassed then)

Original poster

Macbeth8 · 26/06/2022 23:27

They were all just very loud and boisterous.
Quite domineering.
They kept talking about this LGBT stuff and then looking at me saying "ooh mind the young lady"
Didnt know what to say or do!
A few were doing exercises and looking over.

Two men asked me if I was OK with them rubbing oil on themselves?
Actually one seemed drunk. Kept swearing and then smiling at me saying sorry love...
Silly really but I just felt really uncomfortable. As I went to go out the guy next to me held out his hand and said do you need a hand?!
Thought that was a bit odd as its kist a step to get down.
Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

Pyewhacket · 26/06/2022 23:28

Fingerscrossed22 · 26/06/2022 23:15

I would've reported them to staff and wanted something done about it tbh.
Gross.

They would just deny it, wouldn’t they.

Original poster

Macbeth8 · 26/06/2022 23:29

Strictlyfanoftenyears · 26/06/2022 23:27

Did you not have a towel with you? (you could have covered up if you were embarassed then)

Yes was literally sat with this towel on me but if I got up it wasnt big enough to cover my front and behind/top and bottom so I tried to stay in aslong as I physically could..a few kept coming in and out and staring..I was so self conscious about leaving as they would have been all staring

OP posts:

GrazingSheep · 26/06/2022 23:31

That’s shit
However your controlling paranoid partner is a bigger problem

maddy68 · 26/06/2022 23:32

I use the sauna regularly at my gym. It's generally a larger ration of men to women. I have never felt uncomfortable. If anyone made a sexualised comment that would certainly be challenged. However that's never happened to me

CallOnMe · 26/06/2022 23:41

That’s shit
However your controlling paranoid partner is a bigger problem

I agree.

You should have left immediately and reported them to staff for their sexual comments. I’ve not seen what they said yet so it’s hard to tell if they were BU. But you should never stay where you feel uncomfortable, they would have seen you in your bikini sooner or later anyway.

However your controlling partner is the biggest problem here - you can’t even be around other men without feeling uncomfortable and feeling like you can’t leave, that’s not ok!

aloneagain83 · 26/06/2022 23:42

I hardly ever see women use the spa facilities in my local gym. I don’t use it either. Who wants to be around gross men?

AchatAVendre · 26/06/2022 23:50

You need to make a complaint to the management OP. Its a public facility run by a local authority and subject to the equality duty contained within the Equality Act.

In general, public swimming pools and associated facilities and sometimes gyms tend to attract creeps. Some men seem to think its a place that women go in order to flirt/date etc or to enjoy making them feel uncomfortable.

Etiquette in saunas shared with strangers is eyes down, don't talk except basic necessary politeness. Everyone knows this the world over!

avamiah · 26/06/2022 23:57

That’s shocking and not acceptable in anyway, and I’m very sorry that happened to you.
I haven’t been in a sauna for a couple of years but the one I did use was in a Marriott Hotel and part of the leisure club and it was mixed and I never had any issues as it was always so hot in there that nobody was chatting but everywhere is different.

I personally would of dealt with it there and then but we all deal with things in our own way.

I feel angry that they acted like that towards you and made you feel vulnerable.
I would still report it as the Leisure Club should put up a notice stating that the facilities are mixed or whatever way they want to word it and any inappropriate behaviour will not be Tolerated and that membership will be terminated while a investigation takes place .

Please Report them.