DS doesn't fit in

[Jennybeans401]

My ds is in Y3 and his classmates are all into Fortnite and Roblox. They also all have their own phones.

My ds has no interest in Roblox or Fortnite, he plays games on his ipad but they are more Super Mario and cartoon style games. He's also quite 'young' in his interests and still loves his cars, films like Trolls, etc. He also has no interest in having a phone, ges one of the older boys in his class but I also feel it wouldn't be right for him yet.

He's very sociable but recently has been bullied by the others for his interests. He often chats to them about the things he likes but they ignore him. Should I try to encourage ds to play similar games to the others?

My son sounds similar to yours. He’s been teased by his classmates recently but it seems to be part of a wider thing of they’re all getting cheekier with each other.

Mine is end of year two and we're in a similar boat. All the lads play football and Fortnite. He's into dinosaurs, nature, and Lego.

As long as he's not upset and he's happy I'll just let him do his thing.

I'd be proud of him too. I don't think he'd behind in his interests. The others are ahead.

I think you just need to move schools/to a different area. What sort of parent allow their Y3 child play violent computer games and have phones!

Y6 is an appropriate time to get a phone.

I feel sorry for those other boys. Their childhood sounds limited and boring. But I don't see moving onto gaming as a sign of growing up...games are fine but children should have a host of other interests alongside that.

I would be encouraging your son's individuality and telling him to ignore those boys. And tell him that Mario's Odyssey is the best game on the Switch. I'm 44 and play it! My daughter is nearly 16 and lives beating us all at Mario Kart 8! We are also ACNH fans! Sod those Roblox bores!

Your son sounds like an individual and that is great! I'm a year 3 teacher and a lot of the boys in my current class are quite young but they're 7 and 8, they are young! None of my lot have phones to my knowledge. It is annoying when they try to be older than they are. The problem in my class is boyfriends and girlfriends at the moment - drives me made because they actually get really upset over their 'relationships'.

I would enjoy the fact your son has his own interests. He's not a crowd follower - good for him. However, if you're worried about bullying, speak to the teacher. Not long until the end of term so best to get it sorted now.

That does sound awfully tying for smart phones and those games. It's really difficult, but I'd encourage your son to stay true to himself and not just follow the crowd. I'd also see whether there are any local interest groups or activities for children.

He sounds like a lovely boy, he doesn't need to change.

Apart from a handful ours all got phones in yr 6 for transition to high school. So no mobile phone not unreasonable.

I didnt allow fortnite due to horror stories about addiction and aggression. Relented late in yr 5 due to covid isolation and the connection with classmates online that it provided was actually invaluable at that time.

My DS had given up toys by then and did like roblox on the ipad. There was a lad a bit like this in his class who was still watching toddler tv and whose mum still brushed his teeth and slept on his floor. They were aware of it but no bullying.

He will find his tribe and catch up when he is ready. Id perhaps research cross over things which may appeal and keep him connected to peer group. For example the game animal crossing looks quite young in terms of graphics but is played by adults and kids love it. Tv programs that fit in with school topics but are more for older kids like horrible histories and operation ouch. They are fact based so he may like those. Id encourage him gently to try one or two more age appropriate things but be really relaxed if he isnt keen.

Does he have any hobbies he can chat about. Cubs might work as you get a diverse group there. Swimming or sports.

Ds does swimming and likes anything nature based. He's struggling at playtime because the boys just play Fortnite and this gets quite violent at times, often resulting in boys getting injured (someone's tooth was knocked out).

He's asked me if he can take a book to read at playtime but I feel like this is quite sad as he used to love playing with the others until they all became into the Fortnite.

Mine is a bit like this. Now in year 5.
He mainly plays with the girls at school as still likes imaginative play, nature and drawing.

He also likes sport but not really football and is definitely not a quiet ‘girly’ (for want of a better word 😬) boy as given the chance would love to tear around with nerf guns etc. but he is quite out of step with his class of boys as they are all into fifa, Fortnite etc.

he does play Minecraft but that seems to be the domain of the year 3s and 4s

out of school all his friends are younger than him. He spent an afternoon happily playing with a boy from yr 2 at the weekend.

He doesn’t have any learning delays and isn’t immature in my opinion-he just prefers toys and games.

He loves cubs. Could this be an option for your DS?

im hoping he finds his tribe a bit more in high school!

Re the book-mine takes drawing as it’s a bit more sociable.

I’d encourage him to try some out of school activities and see if he make friends there. Libraries often have free activities like Lego clubs. Or cubs. Is he friends with any of the girls could you encourage that eg invite them to tea. Go to the park etc he’ll meet children there probably more on his wavelength.

While I don’t think he should be encouraged to ‘change’ his interests and definitely not to take up interests in things that could be harmful, I also don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to encourage some age appropriate things that could give him a little more in common with his peers.

I’ll be honest here - I was incredibly out of sync with my peers, and it did cause a few social problems growing up. My brother has no interest in football whatsoever but did kick a ball around with his mates, as an example.

It’s hard to explain as I’m sure I’ll get flamed for this, it’s just that to me, it would be a shame for him to go through primary school on the periphery of friendship groups.

Im sure there must be some other children in his class who don't have phones or play fortnite. He just needs to seek them out.
My eldest is in year 6 and it is only this year that they are getting phones, lots have old phones without Internet access. I don't think k many of the parents let their children play fortnite as I think it is a 12. We haven't let ours and it hasn't been an issue.

a phone in year 3 is a really spectacularly bad idea.

Depends on the size of the primary school, @3WildOnes - if it’s small it’s possible.

I might actually consider moving if this was my DS. I wouldn’t be happy about it. The problem is you’ve one of two scenarios: either he’ll consider himself an ‘outsider’ (although he isn’t - sounds like a normal child to me!) or he’ll join in. Neither of which you want!

Phones in year 3 are more likely to cause a problem than be helpful IMO.

Don't make him rush to grow up. Year 3 children should still be children and like playing with toys.

It sounds like his current group of friends is the problem rather than your son.

Can he broaden his friendship group through other activities like cubs, football, basketball clubs etc - or any activity he enjoys.

I'd speak to his teacher about this.

Your ds sounds lovely and it's great he's confident to be himself.

But bullying is not ok and needs to be stopped.

My ds1 was similar in primary school. His interests didn't match his peers. They were all about football, ds1 liked science. He would often read through break times and ended up getting one of his teachers reading his books so they could discuss them.
We encouraged him to be himself, but, we are fortunate to have a choice of schools in our area and his primary class went to at least 8 different secondary schools (some grammar) so we could find him a school with like minded individuals.

He's now at university and has a very wide friendship group with friends from primary, secondary and university as well as clubs from outside of school.

I would encourage him to be himself.

Hi Op - sympathies, my daughter is 8 in Year 3 and a lot younger than her friends just as you describe. She loves my little pony and dolls - yet the other kids seem to think that is babyish. I think phones is unusual though! I don't know anyone in year 3 with a phone - my son is in year 5 and most kids don't have them yet.

Please dont introduce him to gaming if he isn't keen - it's such a bloody life sucking waste of time - my daughter does like roblox and it is mind numbling pointless!

I really believe kids find their tribe - have you tried one to one playdates? I find that the hectic space of the playground isn't great for more imaginative/ quite kids - he might find he gets on better if he can target some who share his interests.

I believe there will be chidlren out there for him as there are for my own kid - we just have to find them!

I think your DS is unlucky in his school - he would fit in perfectly in my DS's school. He is going into Y3 in September and none of the children in his class have phones. Half aren't allowed on screens during the week and never allowed Roblox, let alone Fortnite. They are definitely playing less with toys but still keen on Pokémon, Lego and (of course) Minecraft.

It sounds like his current group of friends is the problem rather than your son.

Can he broaden his friendship group through other activities like cubs, football, basketball clubs etc - or any activity he enjoys.

I agree with all of this.

I had similar issues at primary school, and I agree - it can make things a bit smoother, socially, if you can join in the talk about the latest thing. I have noticed my DD (in Year 2) is starting to seem a bit younger than her classmates (though none of them have phones), so I’m trying to keep an eye on things and intervene if necessary, without telling her not to be herself. It’s hard to find the right balance.

This is my son, although he's nine now and has recently got into Minecraft. The building side appeals to him.

I feel there's only a limited time in your life to play with toys so have embraced it. He has learned not to mention certain interests in school any more. I've told him most of his class will have something they do at home that they might not mention in school.

I have noticed he is now starting to come out of his shell and has made a few nice friends (also a bit more reserved and not so into football).

I have tried to keep him doing an activity so he goes to martial arts once a week. He's not great at it but I do think it's helping him to know he can have a something of his own so maybe consider a class he might enjoy.

I think boys are a bit later growing up especially without the influence of an older sibling