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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel this way about XH?

5 replies

UnnecessarilyCheesedOff · 26/06/2022 19:04

I'm pretty sure IABU but I feel thoroughly horrible having found out third hand today that my XH, father to our kids is getting remarried. To the OW who is a dickhead mentalist.

The kids also found out crappily - one (early 20s, horribly anxious/depressed physically ill and can't stand his dad's new family so hasn't seen him for months and can't believe he's been dumped for steps-kids) texted late at night when I was asleep as an addendum to a 'we should go cycling together sometime... oh and by the way...'. His sibling was told by him (also texted he later found out but the phone was broken)

Poor friend who phoned today to check in with me to see how I was with the news after it was posted on socials as an announcement had no idea I (a) don't use socials and (b) have been blocked by XH on all channels. They felt awful being the one who told me then had to deal with my sniffs of inexplicable sadness.

AIBU to feel so by this news and how it was received. It's not anger. It's a weird confused disappointed, left out, poor kids etc.

Our life is infinitely happier without him as he was an angry narcissist and his secretive time with the OW only made him worse at home.

I'm sure a good nights sleep will help but I really am feeling completely miserable tearful and strangely unable to tell my best mates of the news.

Already feeling for my anxious kids wanting to attend an event which will be far from easy for them. But stubbornly feeling like I don't want to get involved in ferrying logistics.

No idea why he didn't sit down with kids and let them know or just phone.
It also would have been good for him to FYI me but as I say he always was a selfish dick....

OP posts:
worraliberty · 26/06/2022 19:17

He should have told his kids.

Are they both adults? If so, you don't need to get involved in ferrying logistics.

MummaTrinee · 26/06/2022 19:19

A good dad would and should have told them personally, whether by phone call or in person.

But YABU to think that if he has become a shite dad since being with his new lady that this would change.
If the kids are uncomfortable with the wedding why do they have to go?

MummaTrinee · 26/06/2022 19:21

All you can do is be there for them, personally but I agree with you don't get in the middle of it, or somehow the issue will become 'your fault' when really it's their whatless fathers fault.

Honaloulou · 26/06/2022 19:22

Why on earth would you get involved in 'ferrying logistics' for your adult children?

UnnecessarilyCheesedOff · 26/06/2022 21:21

Kids are 14, disabled early twenties and 19 - doesn't live at home but can't drive. Lives near me not their dad.

I've told the most anxious kid they'll be at liberty to decide whether they go or not. They want to. Which is good. If they can't face it nearer the time then so be it.

I still can't work out why I've been so affected by the news and think it is an ego thing (not being thought of as someone to inform despite raising the kids) and a disappointment thing (for the kids - not being gently spoken to and hearing as an afterthought).
And weirded out as got the impression from kids that all was not well over there so had assumed the next news I'd hear was that they'd decided to part ways.

It's normal to feel temporarily weirded by such news right and INBU

OP posts:
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