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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be paranoid about this?

19 replies

TheLostNights · 26/06/2022 19:00

I'm in my mid thirties, get told I look at least 10 years younger, often more so maybe this is what's going on. However, it does upset me. On numerous occasions now when relationships are being discussed, someone I have just met will say 'So, have you got a boyfriend or ever been in a relationship?" Some say this even after finding out my age. So it's not just that they think I am young. I know people here will say I am being unreasonable but I worry I give off a strange vibe because nobody I know would ever ask even someone in their mid twenties if they 'had ever been in a relationship.'
Aibu? For the record, I am married with kids which everyone is amazed by which again, is madness.

OP posts:

HayfeverSniff · 26/06/2022 19:04

Do you wear your engagement and wedding rings? Do you talk about your DH/DW in these conversations before they ask you about your relationship experience?

MummaTrinee · 26/06/2022 19:10

What are you being unreasonable about? I'm 36 and still get ID'ed. It gets tiresome to be honest. But I am happy I am blessed with youthful genes.

Can you give an example of the conversations you have to prompt this kind of statement. It seems like a weird thing to say to anyone.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/06/2022 19:10

I don't see what the issue is, honestly. People ask stupid, intrusive questions all the time. Ignore them. What they think is irrelevant anyway.

Shinyandnew1 · 26/06/2022 19:13

Do you not wear a wedding ring-that generally alerts people!

How often does this seriously happen that people ask if you have a boyfriend or have been in a relationship? Is it a huge problem? Just reply, ‘Yes, I’ve been married for 10 (whatever) years. What about you?’

Original poster

TheLostNights · 26/06/2022 19:22

Of late it's happened with my hairdresser and then with a new colleague.
I don't wear my wedding or engagement ring, just a personal preference.
It seems to happen quite early on in conversation like people are making a snap judgement about me. Can't help but think they see me as too ugly or a bit weird and so just assume I have never been in a relationship. Even if they think I am a lot younger, you wouldn't even ask someone in their 20's if they had ever been in a relationship as most would assume they have been in one or are in one.

OP posts:

BigChesterDraws · 26/06/2022 19:37

Paranoid? Are you getting help for this? It’s a pretty extreme reaction to something that’s a non-issue.

krispycremedo · 26/06/2022 19:39

Relax, when you are in your 50s you will love looking 10 years younger.

Shinyandnew1 · 26/06/2022 20:00

If it upsets you that much, wear your wedding ring.

SailingNotSurfing · 26/06/2022 20:06

Take it as a compliment. Why assume people think you’re weird and ugly? They just see you as younger than you are, and that’s not a bad thing! Smile and say thanks, I’m actually married with children. You’re looking for a problem that isn’t there.

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 26/06/2022 20:12

I don't wear my wedding or engagement ring, just a personal preference

Possibly this is a reason.

It seems to happen quite early on in conversation like people are making a snap judgement about me. Can't help but think they see me as too ugly or a bit weird and so just assume I have never been in a relationship

Paranoid with self-esteem issues.

Have you thought about counselling?

Buythebag40 · 26/06/2022 20:15

I think you must just look very young and are being paranoid. It's the kind of thing you would ask someone who looks to be in their 20's/30's. Also hairdressers ask all kinds of inane chat - as do other people - they're not really that interested in the answer!

LordEmsworth · 26/06/2022 20:15

On numerous occasions now when relationships are being discussed, someone I have just met will say 'So, have you got a boyfriend or ever been in a relationship?"
Where are you meeting all these rude weirdos with no social skills?! You are not the one who has something wrong with you...

worraliberty · 26/06/2022 20:44

Can't help but think they see me as too ugly or a bit weird and so just assume I have never been in a relationship.

So is it this or the fact you look 10 years younger?

I'm confused.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/06/2022 20:57

You're making something into a problem that isn't one. This level of paranoia isn't normal or healthy, and it certainly doesn't achieve anything other than to make you miserable.

Mangogogogo · 26/06/2022 21:01

I’m 32 with a 14,11 and 7 year old. People are ALWAYS shocked at my situation because I look like a baby.

you just can’t take Offence to it! They don’t mean to be rude or whatever. Absolute non issue

Cryalot2 · 26/06/2022 21:51

Why worry or care what anyone thinks?
It's nothing to do with them.
If you are content in your relationship and you know how young you look there is nothing to worry about.
People can be shallow and the ones who talk tend to have no reason to.
Talk about your partner or wear a wedding ring be thankful.

Meraas · 26/06/2022 21:54

So, have you got a boyfriend or ever been in a relationship?"

That’s a horrible question from someone you’ve just met.

The problem is them you, not you.

littlepeas · 26/06/2022 22:25

I got this a lot until around my mid 30's - nobody could believe I had 3 dc, was repeatedly told I didn't look old enough. It's dried up somewhat now - I'm 40 soon.

Original poster

TheLostNights · 26/06/2022 22:37

Maybe I am around a lot of insensitive people then as I get asked a lot if I have a boyfriend and then the weird comment about 'Or have you ever had one?' I would only ask someone who was under 21 that question to be honest.
Wearing a wedding ring is probably the only way around this

OP posts:

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