This might get long. Name changed and some details tweaked 👀
back story, 11 year old Ds with ex partner, split when pregnant! His dad lives nearby. I've been with current partner 10 years and have younger dc together.
Ds is autistic. Ds thrives on routine and consistency which he has never got with his dad.
he hardly sees him at the minute and has had sporadic contact over the last few years. It's hanging by a thread. His dad only lives a few miles away and his dad does not see him as a priority and puts basically everything in front of Ds.
when he does see him it's usually for about an hour or two once or twice a month and takes him to the shop to get him a. Choc bar, maybe a quick trip to the park and brings him back again. He does not take Ds to his house. I don't think his new partner wants Ds around much. Contact reduced when he met her but I can't blame her, ex is his dad, not her responsibility but she is a bit of a bitch and had made comments about DS and his learning delays and showed off her now advance her kids are in comparison. This is something his dad does too - compares his other development to DS's and tells everyone how advanced they are in comparison. Autism is genetic in my family, I'm an adult with autism and I find it disheartening.
sometimes he'll just come around for 20 minutes to see ds, then all he'll do is talk about his younger kids despite Ds not really knowing them and even came skeins telling Ds about the holidays and days out they've had. I wouldn't want Ds going with them but Ds always looks a bit upset when his dad talks about this, he then frustrated. Ds struggles to talk about his feelings.
Ds hardly knows his younger siblings. it's like he's kept away from them.
to add, Ds is a good kid. As above he is autistic, I don't like to give levels with asd buy for the point of this I would say Ds is mildly affected. He's pretty well behaved too, has his moments like most kids! His asd mainly affects his social skills and sensory processing.
his dad actually seen him more when he was younger, it's never been great but his gone down hill. He has him down quite a lot and changed plans, never turned up or ridiculously late.
when his dad has made promises and hasn't shown up, let him down etc Ds sees me as the bad guy and gets upset with me.
he's told Ds that he'll pick him up for a day out - then doesn't show up.
his dad has put everything above Ds - most obvious being his partner, but also his friends, social life, hobbies etc.
basicallt very occasionally he takes him out like a glorified babysitter.
I feel maybe I should have stopped contact a long time ago. I have never made it difficult for his dad, the complete opposite. I never knew my dad and wanted different. But I'm starting to realise this hanging on bag. Thread contact is probably causing more upset than not seeing him at all.
Ds has a father figure with my partner too who treats him as his own.
do you think it's time to stop contact? I feel his dad is bringing nothing positive to his life anymore.
to add, his dad often says these things to Ds and then cancels. He's not telling my first and I'm telling Ds. He's making promises to Ds he can't keep, I wish he sound just keep his gob shut.
Ds talks about his siblings all the time and doesn't know them at all...