To not want to get married anymore…

[123aaah]

Sorry if posted under incorrect topic.
DP & I have been together 5 yrs with a 2.5 year old DD & 5 month old DS.
Was supposed to be getting married with everything booked in 2020 but cancelled due to Covid.
Now we have rearranged for 2023 but I am just not feeling it.
I have days where all he does is wind me up and I don’t know if I feel the same way anymore. Little things annoy me like how he will say he wants to do something such as decorating a bedroom
for our 5 month old who can go in his own room soon… Guess what hasn’t been done yet & who it will probably fall on to sort out.

We have a pretty good life.. Two lovely children & we enjoy doing similar things but I just feel there is something missing now.
Is it PP hormones? Is it normal to feel this way after DC? 😩
If I left I would be leaving behind a gorgeous house, lovely neighbours and a steady life… AIBU and need to get a grip and think about what I’ve got???

Based on my personal experience and observations of others one of the toughest times in a marriage/long term relationship is when you have both a toddler and a baby. It put incredible pressure on my marriage and I’ve seen other couples split up. Any issues or incompatibilities in the relationship are magnified and difficult to deal with do the general tiredness/business that accompanies having 2 young kids. For us things improved once the kids started school. So, based on my experience I’d say stay in the relationship if you think it’s worth it long term. But since you’re not married yet I’d hold off getting married in case things don’t get better (unless getting married would protect you better financially if you do split).

At 5 months pp yes you are still affected by hormones, and the fact that things are difficult and the dynamic changes.

I work in the wedding industry so still attend weddings regularly. I was married 5 years ago and have small children. I definitely don't feel as romantic about weddings now because now my focus is children.

However, last week I was at a wedding and the bride had a gown just like mine. I was transported for a bit and I think that if you want to get married, once you get into the swing, the excitement will come.

Marriage isn't all about the excitement of the wedding though, and you are already living your marriage.

Everyone procrastinates to some degree but the life you describe is basically happy.

Tell you husband that you love his idea of doing up the room and you'd love to help. Shall we pick a weekend to get going with it?

Finally, a woman who claims to never be wound up by her husband sometimes, lives in stepford.

Oh thank you for your really kind replies. ❤️

My earlier rant stemmed from him getting washing out of the machine and dumping it all on the sofa then walking away….. I could have pummelled him 😂 I did jump the gun though as later his defence was he was looking where he could hang stuff but got distracted … So I shall let him off the hook.

But I am so up and down with how I feel & the juggle of two young children with minimal child care help leaves not much time to ourselves these days which probably doesn’t help things.

Having small children is hard work (I've got 3 DC under 5) and there are times when I've genuinely thought I'd love a divorce. But really what I wanted was an out from the situation - the endless tiredness, mind numbing jobs, feeding, cleaning, feeding, with small kids it just goes on and on.

My youngest is 15m now and it's much easier.

If you're unsure about the wedding put it off "till the kids are old enough to enjoy it"/similar unless as pp have said it gives you better financial protection if you do split. You can always do a registry office job (not judging -we did)