Do I make up with my mother who always lets me down..

[SeeTheOtherSide]

Long post for context.
Im 32F with 2 DC of my own. My parents divorced when I was 2 with my mother taking me with her to go back to her parents. Her first marriage was forced, she was 18 and him 27. The marriage was not happy and I had no contact with my dad. My mother was pressured to remarry when I was 5, it was originally agreed I would be adopted and accepted by her new husband. This did not happen and I was eventually sent back to live with my maternal grandparents. She went on to start a new life and have 2 more children. Her new marriage has also been difficult, but they live a life I am not included in. For the 26 years that followed my mother has never been there for me, everything is forced or spoonfed by others. I bought my own first car, she bought her other children theirs.
we have fallen out numerous times as she never makes an effort with me or my 2 children as I believe she should. I have never expected to be treated the same as her other 2 children but I do expect basics like phone calls, visits, wanting to see her grandchildren. I got her a car seat so she could take the kids when she wanted.

My grandparents (her parents) have broken all contact with me in the last year. I’m gutted about this and miss them very much. They expect me to continue a relationship no matter how she behaves and say if I don't they choose their daughter over me. I have over the last 5 years regained contact and become close to my dad who tries really hard to be part of my family. I know deep down my mother and her family are resentful of this.

I am close to my uncles (her brothers) who are now pushing for us to make up.. again.
Do I put myself and my children through the trauma again. She has let me down so many times and my oldest has now forgotten them (he got very attached).
Or do I call it quits and never see her again. Has anyone had experience of a similar situation and it going well?

AIBU - Try again
YANBU - Never look back

From your post it sounds as if both you and your mother have had traumatic lives. This will have influenced the way in which both of you experience emotions and behave.

Your mother will not change. You have to accept this.

You have to decide whether you want/are able to maintain a relationship on the basis that your mother will not change her behaviour. Why do you want a relationship with her? Why do you want her children to have a relationship with her? Why do you want to maintain links to your maternal family at all?

If you do want to maintain links, the best advice I can give is to try and take the drama out of this. Go low contact with her and her family. Send cards on special events. Keep them updated on big things in your life. But expect nothing in terms of them instigating contact etc - she is never going to phone or take the kids out for the day. Many grandmothers are like this. But talk to them at family events. You can be brief and polite. You do not have to play happy families.

If you have zero expectations you are less likely to be hurt again.