There are 4 small piles of folded laundry downstairs...

[BlazeMonster]

1 pile per family member: mum, dad, DD (toddler) and DS (baby).

Each pile only has 4 or 5 items so can easily be grabbed with one hand.

Your DH/DP goes upstairs, what does he do?
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Mine took... only his own pile. It would literally never occur to me to do that! I have a baby glued to me in one arm 24/7 so I guess I'm expected to make 3 trips to take the rest up. Lighthearted, and a first world problem but still!

Not lighthearted though - is he always selfish?

If they were all in one pile/basket would he have taken it all?
When we first loved together I'd been grocery shopping as I unpacked I put a few things that needed to go the bathroom on the stairs (shampoo, toothpaste etc), DH went upstairs ignored it and on his way back down tripped and fell down the last step. Then tried to blame me for putting it there! My response was if you'd taken it up when you went it wouldn't have been there to trip over on the way back down. He takes things up now.

You need to be a lot less 'lighthearted ' about this sort of shit.

I have a baby glued to me in one arm 24/7 so I guess I'm expected to make 3 trips to take the rest up.

Not sure what’s funny about being treated like that!

And you find him attractive enough to have babies with? 😬 He sounds like a badly parented teenager.

Lighthearted well it shouldn't be. It's a statement on the way he views you and the rest of the family.

Tell him to take the rest up.
You shouldn’t have to he’s an adult but honestly don’t let him get away with this.

The correct thing is just to say "take the rest of the laundry upstairs next time you go up, thanks!"

Tell him to take the rest of it up too. No need to make a big deal out of it but also no need to put up with it and do more work yourself.

Well mine just wouldn't register to take any... Or either of the DC. I'd be more pissed if they just took their own pile

Say something now as it will keep eating away at you until you hate him.

If they were separate piles, it wouldn't occur to dh to take any upstairs.
In our house, separate piles means still being sorted, once they're in the basket it'll make its way upstairs and put away by one or the other.

It's incredibly selfish of him to only take one pile though.

And I suppose you also did the laundry and folded it? Sit him down and split tasks fairly.

Mine wouldn’t even take up his own!!!!!! 🤣

Put it into one pile.

Can you not carry 15 items and a baby? Or leave said baby downstairs for 5 seconds? Honestly, some people make such a fuss over nothing.

Tell him to come and collect the rest. And then hand him the baby while you do what you need to do!
This situation clearly isn't working for you - it's annoyed you enough to post about it, no matter that you are calling it 'lighthearted', it isn't!

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got - time to change things!

Don't you have a cot/basket/sofa where you can put the baby down?

Mine would take none, unless I asked.

As the washing was in 4 piles instead of one, perhaps he thought you had a special purpose for 3 of the piles. As he was quite happy with his pile and knew what he wanted to do with it, that was the one he took. I’m not saying YABU but I can see how his mind might work.

My ex (hooray) would have ignored it completely (as he did with anything else that suited him) - he would have then waited until I wasn't looking...

...then moved the piles...somewhere else...

...then would have gaslit me....and told me that I didn't put them there in the first place....

...he would have then waited until someone he wanted to manipulate came round...

...and staged an argument about it....

....and then got one of his relatives to phone my G.P. to say I was mentally ill..

YES REALLY.

🤣 🤣🤣

Haha of course I can put the baby down and put it all in one pile etc, just find it interesting he'd only think to pick up his own. It would have made more sense for him not to pick up any really! (Though I also see your point @CecilyP )

And don't worry, I did point it out as I saw him doing it and he took it all up. He definitely does his fair share, but his mind just doesn't compute things like this sometimes! Old habits die hard I suppose.

@stayingpositiveifpossible I'm so sorry to read this, it's awful. So glad he's now your ex!

I don’t think it’s a fuss about nothing at all, it’s all those little, repetitive jobs that all add up. In my house, DH and DS would both happily step over the piles until I moved them or if I asked him, he would suddenly need to wash the car or “tidy the garage” 😡. So thanks for this thread as there’s a pile of washing that needs taking upstairs and I’m going to tell DH he can either sort that or do the dishwasher.

Men are simple minded creatures and can't multi task which is what thinking about the needs of others requires. They are however open to simple commands at the time of requirement. Their small level of concentration requires you issue said commands at the time of need, as they are unable to retain instructions for very long. You will also need to use words of sweetness to instruct them as they have an unfortunate tendency to revert to their cavemen origins and demonstrate demand avoidance.

Such a shame we need them to procreate.