AIBU? Long story short, my inlaws gave my 3 week old covid after she had only been released from the NICU a week before and a year on, I'm still really not over it.
Throughout the midst of covid my MIL made up her own rules to suit her. I'd said to her that in my 3rd trimester we were going to try to keep our space due to the higher risks but she would often invite herself around or invite us to her house for family things and make up reasons why it would be covid-safe for us to come around and we often felt we had to go (my fault for not always saying no, I know).
Before we knew that anyone had covid, we had family around to see the baby at 1 week and a day (the day after discharge). That evening my husband's brother started to feel unwell and tested positive. Told us and was very apologetic. Turns out that 2 days before at a family funeral that all the in-laws were at, a cousin had tested positive and that's where it came from (we didn't know of the positive test when we hosted family that were there). Everyone was told to self isolate for 10 days from the day of the funeral by test and protect but didn't find out until after we had everyone around to see the baby. My MIL & FIL self isolated from the date of the funeral because that was their first exposure and apparently they only offically had to self isolate from then.
Husband got a message a while later from MIL saying that they had completed their isolation and asked to come around to see the baby. I felt a bit uncomfortable about it but thought it would be unreasonable of me to say no since she said they completed their isolation. I said okay if they did negative lateral flows.
Turns out that my FIL wasn't feeling his best and both her and MIL tested positive the next morning. Also turns out that they said they had completed their isolation using the funeral date as their day 1, rather than their 2nd exposure from my husband's brother two days after so they really should have isolated another 2 days!
My baby and I then become unwell with covid a few days after our isolation period ended from the family gathering at 1 week, having only seen his MIL and FIL so I can quite confidently say they gave us covid as we never left the house in that time. I was so so upset about it. It was my biggest fear that she would get covid and be brought back to the hospital after only having been discharged from the NICU. I also was very very unwell with sepsis and had only just recovered but was still not at full health being 3wks pp.
They never acknowledged that it was them and never apologised. It absolutely broke my trust in them and was a very very traumatic time as my baby had to be readmitted for 3 nights and I wasn't allowed to have the support of my husband with it being the covid ward. I honestly can't describe how difficult it was for me, new mum so unwell with covid, just recovered from sepsis, issues with feeding and 3 wks pp to try to care for my baby with no sleep and no support (nurses were lovely but had to keep minimal contact bc covid).
There have been several more instances since where she, or one of the adults or grandchildren that live with her have been unwell. She's still invited us around and then we find that one of the kids has a chest infection or had been up all night vomiting while we're there.
Fast forward 11 months. One of her sons has been living there with his 3 kids. They find out the kids Mum has covid so they're staying at the MIL's house for longer instead of visiting their Mum but then plans change and they stay a few days with their Mum when she was still very unwell the day before (apparently but the story kept changing). They are to come back to MIL's house after the weekend (therefore exposed to covid). I find this out from one of my sister in laws, not my MIL who the kids live with.
I send MIL a message 'Hey (MIL), thank you so much for offering to drop dinner by for us. With the kids seeing (kids Mum) now when she's got covid, (husband) and I think it's best that we all keep our distance for a while, especially since we're supposed to be traveling to Spain to visit my family at the end of the month. We'd be gutted not to be able to go. Sorry, I know there's not really anything that you can do about it with the (her son) and the kids living with you x'. Btw, my family live in a America so I get to see them once a year if I'm lucky.
She tells me she completely understands but had also copied my message, sent it back to me by mistake and immediately unsent it so was obviously sending it to someone to complain.
A few days later when she knows that I'm out of the house, she invites herself and FIL around to 'kindly drop McDonalds off to my husband because she knows he's home alone'. She did this without my knowledge intentionally. First thing my husband asks is about the covid situation. MIL said that the Mum of the kids is actually fine and tested negative before the kids went to visit so my husband takes our baby out for a walk with them!?! When I spoke to him about keeping our space bc covid he was immediately in agreement with me and very very understanding. Also, a few days prior I heard that the kids mum was crying down the phone feeling so sick the day before she got the kids so I don't know what to believe.
Feel like MIL was manipulating my husband into picking me or her. Feel like I cannot trust her one bit after this and don't want to see them at all. My husband wasn't really understanding my pov bc he believed there was no ill-intent. A few days later on fathers day we declined attending their house for a bbq but husband went around that evening on his own for about an hour to chat with his parents and give his dad chocolates and a card. I really felt unsupported by him because I feel that she's made it about more than covid now and he wasn't understanding that. Have explained my feelings to him about this better since and he's more understanding now.
Tbh, I have no trust in MIL anymore. I am married to her favourite son too which doesn't help and they overstep their boundaries often. We live less than 10 minutes apart and I need some space. Really think it would be better for my relationship with in laws and husband. I'm definitely very sensitive still about my baby getting covid at 3wks and explained to MIL that I know we were likely being over cautious about this. But I now feel very undermined by her in the decisions that my husband and I made together and I feel that she doesn't respect my role in his life as a wife. Honestly, I really just don't want to see them at all for a while. His MIL and FIL have always been controlling. Want to know what everyone is doing, where and when etc. Get annoyed if one of the families doesn't come around to their house on a Sunday for dinner etc.
Not sure if I'm overreacting though because of how traumatic it was when our baby was ill. AIBU?