To consider involving social services?

[LittleMissTwix]

My ex-partner and I have a 10 month old baby. We were not married and he was living in my house (he owns property elsewhere in the country). We split up about 2.5 months ago (my choice, I couldn't take his insane behaviour any more). He is now living in a self-contained annex (which I own) attached to my house.
First and foremost, I want to do the right thing by my child... and much as I dislike her father, I wanted her to have a relationship with him. So, despite wanting him gone, I agreed he could continue to live there in order that he could see our baby whenever he wants, and bond with her. I have to be away from home (for work) one night a week and it also seemed sensible to have him around to care for her that one night. I can afford a nanny, so this wasn't desperation. It felt like it was in her best interests. He says he loves her.

Fast forward to now, and I seriously doubt this is the case, to the point that I am fearful of leaving him in her care. I want him to leave.
My dad (a sensible, calm man) has witnessed some of my EP's irrational/aggressive outbursts and he is incredibly worried that my EP will hurt our baby to get to me. I realise this sounds like a leap, but I haven't laid out the catalogue of things he's said and done to make this seem like a possibility. In short EP seems to view our child as a way to control me... or at the very least, to keep me shackled to him. I need to be free of this man, but I am scared that he will hurt our baby to get to me.

To be clear, my EP has not done anything to hurt our child but I cannot shake the fear that he might. I think he is unbalanced and manipulative. When I have calmly suggested he find somewhere else to live, he has responded with all of the below (a) threats to kill himself (b) threats to take our child with him and (b) taking me to court for custody... which he will get.

I don't know what to do so ANY advice is welcomed. Please be frank with me. What steps can I take? My baby is 100% safe as long as I am here, and probably for as long as he is (because living here is fuelling his delusion that our relationship is not over) but this can't continue.

I am wondering if I should involve social services because of my fears? But how? and what could they do? If I'm wrong about this (and I hope that I am) would that jeopardise my case in any future custody battle?
I will fight him tooth and nail for custody because every shred of my being says she needs to be with her mummy who loves her and not her crazed father.

can you speak to womens aid or dv services to help you build a plan to leave safely?
you could call ss and log it and ask them to sign post you?
always trust your gut as you say you also have a list of incidents

Why are you sure your ExP would get custody?

What makes you think he will get custody

You need to hire a nanny with self defense training or retool your schedule. Look up nanny agencies to find someone with a bit of experience under her belt.

Next time your exP threatens to commit suicide you should call police immediately.

Is he on the birth cert?

How much can you afford to spend on a solicitor?

Why do you think he would get custody of your baby?

Is there any rent being paid for living in the annexe?

You need to call Women's Aid.
Your ex is indeed manipulating you and trying to control you, and it would be wise to take his threats seriously.
0808 2000 247

If your ex has ever threatened you or physically harmed you, you should report it to the police. You should report his threat of taking the baby.

I agree speak to women's aid or dv services, but not so they can help YOU to leave, why would you it's your house, but so they can help you remove him from your property safely and securely.
These people are experts in this sort of thing and can offer a range of advice.

Sorry, can see I was unclear there… this is what he says, ie “I’ll take you to court and they will give me custody”.

@discofizz are you the OP? Maybe stick to one username or things will get confusing fast!

You need to do it as a surgical strike. Some combination of a Prohibited steps order, an injunction, a child arrangements order and whatever you need to evict him. Will your dad work with you so you can get the legal advice and get it to court, preferably ex parte, before your ex even knows it’s happening? You need him out and gone in one swift move.

Take whatever help your dad will offer.

Also worth speaking to womens aid if you can get through, or a specialist counsellor with DV expertise. It’s hard to absorb the truth about an abusive partner when things escalate quickly.

I’m guessing money isn’t an issue from what you’ve said about the nanny. So chuck money at it. Also think carefully about whether you’re prepared to sell up and move to be safe.