Should I raise this with the nursery?

[RippleRibbon]

DS is almost 3 and goes to a very good nursery that he absolutely loves - we do too. We've had no previous problems with the nursery and can't fault them at all. However, there have been a few issues with another boy in DS's room (so, also 3yo). We know the parents of the other boy from the Whatsapp group and they appear to be lovely people and engaged parents - but we've never met them in person. The boy doesn't have any additional needs from what's been said by the parents about their DS.

A few weeks ago, we received a notification that DS had been "injured" at nursery. DS had been bitten by another child. When we picked DS up at the end of that day, he wasn't too upset but had a bite mark on his hand and told us immediately which boy had bitten him. These things happen, right? However, since then, we've picked up multiple things DS has said about this boy when he's at home. Things like:

"I don't like Jack" (not his real name)
"Jack doesn't like me"
"Jack doesn't like X" (other students)
"Jack doesn't share"
"Jack is naughty"
"Jack isn't my friend"
"Jack doesn't play with me" etc.

He's never said anything negative about any other student. We obviously tell DS when he says things that aren't kind and try to ask him why and encourage him to be nice to Jack but, at the moment, he's not great with understanding "why" questions so it's difficult to get a clear answer out of him. We had a Parents' Evening last week with the nursery and DS's key worker made a point of saying that DS gets on really well with the other students, is very sociable and confident, has a lot of friends etc and no mention was made of any issues with Jack.

In the last 24 hours, there have been a couple of developments. Firstly, last night, DS had a bruise and we asked him how it happened. He said "Jack hit me". We questioned a bit more and he was very specific "Jack hit me, on the blue floor, I hit my head, on the white wall" etc. From what we can gather from DS (which is obviously with a pinch of salt because he's little still), he was hit twice by Jack yesterday - once in main room and once in the after school room, one time on his arm and one time on his head. Then, this morning at a club we go to with DS, there was another student from DS's class who's having a birthday party soon. We were discussing the party with the parents and they were telling us who else will be there and they said Jack would be there - and their DD said "I don't like Jack" - so maybe it's not a specific issue with our DS?

I'm not sure whether to raise this with the nursery or whether it would be PFB? I'm not sure what I'd even want as a response or resolution to be honest.

Yes, I'd mention it. The nursery staff need to be managing Jack's behaviour, whatever its causes, and balancing his needs against the wellbeing of the other children. They need all the available information to do that effectively - if your child is talking about Jack regularly, and other children as well by the sound of it, then his behaviour is a big part of their experience of nursery - the staff absolutely need to know that. They won't tell you anything about Jack or why he is struggling to regulate himself - it could be a "normal" aggression phase or something else - but they should tell you what they are doing to keep your child safe and happy at nurse

bloody MN cut me off again

nursery

We had this at nursery but after they told us several times about injuries to our DD. Eventually we said we want the nursery to find and help fund our DD a place elsewhere at another nursery before they decided to always keep our DD and the boy who was hurting her separate. It never happened after that but I guess we were quite politely forceful. But it was after many many instances. In your case I'd mention it and ask them to keep the kids separate as much as possible and see what happens.

First of all, don’t admonish your child for telling you the truth about another child being aggressive towards him.

And yes of course raise the issue and ask questions with the nursery. Investigate what’s happening, they won’t see it as you complaining or making a fuss, a good nursery will expect issues like this to be raised.

Yes raise it. Just because parents don't let in there's SEN doesn't mean it doesn't exist OR (possibly more likely) he needs a bit more discipline and firmer boundaries. Both of which nursery need to be aware of.

I would mention it. However, it was my daughters best friend that hit and but her. Her parents were mortified but neither they, nor the nursery can prevent any negative interactions. Mention it but don’t complain.

Bit

Please don’t tel your child they’re being unkind for telling you things that are happening. ‘Jack is fat’ is unkind ‘I don’t like Jack’ isn’t.

I wouldn't sweat it too much though, some kids are little shits and nursery will be a long forgotten place soon

Yes absolutely tell them.
It is supporting your child.

Also in my opinion aggression, violent behaviour is not necessarily SEN. It's always mentioned on threads like these as if it's a foregone conclusion. Some kids are just bloody unpleasant. Like some adults.

It doesn’t matter why Jack is behaving like this, nursery need to supervise him better to be able to intervene sooner. Definitely raise it.

Your son isn’t being unkind; he’s telling you the truth of his experience with Jack. Please don’t tell him to be kind etc - believe him! It may be nothing too serious but please believe your son and ask the nursery what’s happening.