AIBU to be worried about my mental health?

[AmILosingMyMind]

I’ve name changed because I don’t want this linked to my regular account.

My anxiety has been so so bad recently and I don’t know why. There’s nothing in particular that’s triggered it.

It’s mainly focused on mine and my family’s health. I used to be severely emetophobic but for years and years it was under control. However this year, since around February it’s gone nuts and it’s really affecting me. My DD had Covid in Jan and then a stomach bug in March. Then she was sick during the heat wave and then my DH caught covid and he was vomiting with it.

I’m beside myself. I feel consumed by panic constantly. I have a constant feeling of doom and dread. It feels like not a month goes by without one of the family vomiting for one reason or another. DS has just told me tonight that he has a headache and feels sick and I just want to cry and run away.

I’ve had enough of looking after everyone. It always falls to me to do it. And now that DH is still recovering from covid, if it all kicks off tonight I know it will be be who’s up all night again with a vomiting child, trying to hide my anxiety. And then it will have to be me who cancels work and stays at home with them next week if needed.

Just the thought of it makes me feel trapped and panicky. I honestly feel like I’m losing the plot. Please someone talk me down. I’m this close to having a full blown panic attack.

I can really relate to the anxiety. I've just started taking medication for it.
Feeling a bit out of it today while it's kicking in but I'll try to be helpful.
Just take a breath and 10 minutes out for yourself and listen to some relaxing music or whatever you enjoy doing.
It's really hard in the moment when you can't see a light at the end of the tunnel but I promise things will get better.

Thank you for replying.

I have moments where I’m calm and I feel like I can cope and then I get another wave of panic and I just want to cry. I’ve been wondering whether it’s time to try the medication route.

I’ve had so much therapy, hypnotherapy and CBT. I can’t imagine I’ll ever be free of this fucking phobia. I hate it.

I Hope the medication starts working for you soon.

Hormonal fluctuations can cause horrific anxiety.

No problem at all.
If you've already tried therapy etc maybe speaking to your doctor could be a good step.
I'm really sorry you're experiencing this, I know how awful it can be.
My doctor prescribed me 50mg of sertraline so you could look into that but I guess medication isn't for everyone. It was a complete last resort for me.
I hope you start feeling better soon
Remember things will get better

That’s so interesting because I’ve been wondering for a while if I’m peri menopausal. Have had a load of tests with the GP and they’ve all come back saying I’m not peri. But I haven’t felt myself for a good few months now and my periods have been all over the place. I can’t understand how I’m not peri.

Does your DH know how much you’re struggling? You mention he’s recovering from Covid but I think he needs to know, so he can hopefully step up to help with the children. Medication could be an option, I’d make it a last resort though (there’s always a side effects trade-off).

Have had a load of tests with the GP and they’ve all come back saying I’m not peri

Blood tests are not used to diagnose Peri-menopause due to the very nature of it. Your hormones can fine one day, low the next. Go to a private clinic if you can.

Everything just feels so overwhelming. I’m supposed to be taking one of the DCs to a play date tomorrow and tonight it feels impossible. And there’s so much going on with school - the kids’ clubs and sharing lifts with the other mums, etc. A few months ago this would’ve been water off a duck’s back for me. But right now I feel like a just don’t want to see or talk to anyone or have to do anything for anyone. The sense of responsibility feels enormous. Having people rely on me. I just can’t handle it. I want to run away and be on my own forever where no one will need me for anything and no one will be sick!

I realise how mad this all sounds btw.

No I hide it from him because I’m embarrassed but also because he doesn’t really get it. He’s very stable and rational and has no insight into what it’s like to have MH problems. It’s an alien concept to him and if I bring it up he’s well-meaning but useless.

I might need a conversation with him tonight though because he’s putting the kids to bed right now while I’m in the bedroom typing this and sobbing crying. I don’t know how I’m going to explain it to him. I just can’t be around my DC tonight if they’re sick. I can’t do another sleepless night with a sick bowl. I just can’t. I feel like such a shit mum.

Thank you. I didn’t realise this. Will look into it. Would be good to have some answers.

I started having increased anxiety symptoms and took betablockers for a while. Moved on to hrt. Anxiety symptoms disappeared within days. Hope you find help that works for you. Anxiety is hideous and crippling.

This is so helpful thanks. How did you get the beta blocker prescription? My GP won’t even talk to me about HRT (let alone the current shortage), because they keep telling me I’m not in peri.

This thread has helped already. I feel better for reading your responses and having had a massive cry.

Please talk to your husband - tell him you know he doesn’t fully understand, but that you need his support right now, specifically with the children when they’re ill. Often people who can’t relate to the feelings you’re experiencing can help with the practicalities of supporting you - that means you need to spell out exactly what you need support with. You’re not a shit mum: your DH is their parent too, you’re meant to be a team - you need to let him in.

I spoke to him and we ended up having a weird row. When I tell him I want help with the kids and I feel alone with it all, he gets all defensive and acts like I’m attacking him when I’m not.
Then I ended up telling him about some awful stuff from my childhood and he responded like I was over dramatising it and making it sound worse than it was.

It was all so weird. I just wanted him to comfort me while I’m feeling shit and instead we ended up arguing. I don’t know how it happened. He’s so useless with emotions. I’m making him sound like a cunt. Maybe he is a cunt? I can’t even tell any more. I can’t stop crying. I feel like I’m losing the plot.

op I hope you're feeling a little better today, sorry you are going through this and your DH seems unable to be supportive. Maybe he's struggling too? I have no real answers but I didn't want to see you left without support! It does sound like you're overwhelmed and reaching the end of your tether; you've had a lot to deal with and you're probably not at your best either! Can you try to carve out some 'me time'? Get some time for just yourself, maybe a spa session or even just a walk in the countryside... or even a coffee-shop break, either with a friend or simply read a book; anything that can help you switch off for a time. Hope your DC are all ok too x