To not want to move house?

[TheresNoPlaceLikeHomeRubySlippers]

We live in a pretty small three bed terrace. It started as a two bed and the previous owners went into the loft to create a master bedroom, so it's quite a small footprint etc.

We've been here 7 years now and for years I've wanted to move! Dh always said no.

Now dcs are settled at primary schools nearby and we're in the catchment for some great secondaries, I don't want to move.

I think it's a terrible time to be house hunting and I don't want the stress. I also want the certainty of knowing we are staying here so I can put some time and money into sorting the garden and decorating, as obviously, if we were moving, I wouldn't bother.

Dh wants more space, which I totally get. But "more space" in this area is going to mean we need a massive mortgage. He is a high earner in a not totallysecure industry. I'm a lower earner, but do OK. If he lost his job I could probably cover our arses if we stay here but I'd seriously struggle with a bigger house with bigger mortgage and bigger energy bills.

Also, dh is a terrible ditherer. He says he wants to move but God knows he won't do anything about it until....who knows...never!

Aibu to just assume I'm staying here and work on the house accordingly? I don't think he's serious about moving any time soon and I also think that would be a terrible idea.

Thoughts?

Well you don’t want to move and DH isn’t going to do anything. It looks like you’re now moving!

I think you need to have a conversation with your dh with why you now don't want to move and agree a timeline.

If its a case of.... we will move in 5 years but nearby then do some stuff, but if it's 10 years then put more time and energy into the upgrades.... rooms generally need a "tidy" up every 5 years anyway to keep them smart... in my opinion

Exactly! I'm just going to assume we aren't moving. If he says anything about not getting new blinds or whatever I will say I don't think we're moving any time soon, because we aren't 🤷‍♀️

Good advice @Newmummytoakitten . I think 5-10 years...maybe then I'd be happy to move, but certainly not before that

Have you both had a serious discussion about this? Neither of you are necessarily unreasonable in your wants but have you had a discussion about where you both are with everything or is it more casual chats / wistful thinking? By the sound of things given you say he's a high earner and you have more than one child in primary school you're both doing pretty well at adulting so surely all this needs is a sit down chat with all the finances and potential plans etc on the table?

It's just idle chit chat at this point really. He does seem to think we could move and it still be sensible from a financial perspective, but I'm still not keen. It may be fine in our current position, but a lot could happen.

We have a good amount of equity in our house now and we could be mortgage free at some point before we retire which would be a lot better than a bigger garden and extra reception room to me. Yes, I have told him that.

I'd look at future proofing your current house eg replace double glazing as required, insulate where you can and add solar to heat the hot water at least.
Keep future bills down and make it more desirable should you sell.

Thanks, that's a good idea.

It is a modern house. Think about 15 years old. Also mid terrace, so fortunately, insulation and glazing is good, which keeps bills low

I'd just ignored him. If he won't do anything, it's all talk. Just say 'sure dear' and ignore him. He's going through a phase, we all do it. Look at houses on rightmove you'd love to buy and want to move, but know it's not realistically possible.

I think it's safe to assume you will be living there until you are ready to move. Your H cannot sell the house without you agreeing and he's a ditherer which, whilst irritating at times, works to your advantage here. My H is the same. He will announce something he really wants to do, sometimes go on and on about it for weeks but what he actually means is he wants me to make the decision and make all the arrangements. So if I don't fancy it I just ignore him and it doesn't happen. It can be annoying but it's also handy that I am always in charge of house moves, renovations, holidays etc.
Once he was invited on a stag weekend abroad, kept going on about how he really wanted to go, was looking forward to it but did absolutely FA about booking a plane ticket etc. Then didn't go. His weak excuse was "oh I didn't think you'd want me to go". He'd never asked and I'd have been 100%fine with it.

Enjoy your house for the next 5-10 years. In any case I always think it's better not to over commit on a mortgage. I'd always rather have the reassurance I could afford it on my own if H ends up under the patio when his dithering gets too much

Can't you consider an extension?