How do you spread time between baby and older child?

[Labdo]

I feel like I never see my 7 year old and it’s making me really down. I do the school run every morning so I get that hour with her while husband spends time with the baby but then that’s it really. She does after school clubs and when she gets home it’s dinner and bath, which they do together, then she vanishes until I have baby fed and into bed. By this point I’m exhausted and need to have my own dinner and catch up on paperwork etc. I feel awful when she asks to play ring fit together for example but I’m just so tired and I want to sit. We watch a film together some nights but on a school night we only have an hour before it’s time for her to go to bed. I just feel so bad that she spends so much time on her own. She’s happy, and doesn’t seem at all bothered it’s just me really.

Just wandering if there was some really obvious thing I’m missing here or if this is just life now until the baby is older.

Why don't you eat dinner with her?

If I eat that early I end up snacking all evening and putting on loads of weight again! She wants to eat with her brother at 6.

There was an 8 year age gap between me and my little brother, so I'm mostly trying to think what I liked / would have liked - I remember time with my Mum as being time with the 3 of us on the whole, but I had this book and loved it 101 things to do with a baby Thinking back to the things I remember really enjoying over the first 3 or 4 yeas of his life, some are super mundane and easy but happened regularly iyswim, others were a bit rarer but more of a treat.

1. Meals out, I'm sat at the table being treated like a grown up and included in the conversation little brother in high chair.
2. Shopping trips out with my Mum, for special things like clothes and shoes. she left bb with dad. Having tea together as a break on our shopping trip.
3. Regular shopping I fetched the things from the shelf whilst mum pushed the trolley and enjoyed feeling helpful, I had a lot more input into what we brought and my mum made me practise my maths to add up how much we'd spent.
4. Going to the cinema with my Dad whilst Mum stayed home with baby
5. Going to fetch a takeaway whilst Mum / Dad stayed home

I know money is likely to be tighter than it was if you've just had a new baby but potentially you could schedule a time that (maybe once a month) you could take dd out for lunch and a movie just the two of you? Or knock afterschool club on the head 1 day a week and go out to a coffee shop the three of you?
Once it is appropriate age wise and depending on what's available near you taking your toddler to a soft play whilst you sit and drink a cup of tea and natter with his big sister might be really fun for everyone.

Different age gaps so not sure if it'll help at all but with my second I was suddenly super into timetables and routines and I had some time with elder after I'd got the baby down. Maybe read a chapter of a novel / book together at bedtime and talk about it a little?

Its unusual for a 7 year old to do afterschool clubs every single day so most people have 2 or 3 slots after school if they SAHP or on mat leave.

I've never had my older one off on their own when putting youngest to bed.

They are bathed together, eldest stays in a bit longer while I get younger one out & dried and into pyjamas. Then eldest gets out and gets into pjs and chooses some books while youngest has milk. Then I read to them together. The me and eldest take youngest into their bedroom & sing baa baa black sheep and put them down, then I go through a read a chapter book to eldest for 15-20 mins then they go to sleep.

Is it taking you ages to put youngest down? Try and avoid routines involving you sitting patting/rocking for ages. If they want you in the room & you aren't wanting to be firm on not, then read aloud whilst they fall asleep and have eldest sit and listen too.

Also I would either eat with them, or have her sitting chatting with me while I eat. Although at 7 surely she's not up much past 8pm, so surely you get a bit of time of an evening after she's gone to bed?