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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a lay in?

51 replies

Teachermum02 · 25/06/2022 08:28

I am a teacher, so I get up every morning at 5.30 get ready get my stuff ready. Get the kids up get them dressed, get them breakfast. All whilst the hubby lays in bed and gets up just as they have finished eating and I'm doing my girls hair. I then head off to school at 7.30 so I can get all my prep bits done before form time starts. He works from home and is in the house himself Monday Thursday Thursday and half Friday. I don't get home till around half 4 and that's if ind9nt have a meeting which is usually then half 5
I don't start any teacher paper work till kids have gone to bed 8/9 pm. And some nights don't go to bed till midnight. (New teacher)
So am I being unreasonable to ask for a lie in on a Saturday? Just an extra hour or so. Sundays I wake up with my little boy usually around 6 and hubby doesn't get up till 7.45 half hour before going to church.

My husband says it's not fair and I always do this but really am I being unreasonable ?

OP posts:
turquoise1988 · 25/06/2022 20:07

OP, please ignore the ridiculous responses regarding your use of terminology. Some people truly have nothing better to do with their time. The mind boggles.

On a serious note, you need to ask him what is 'unfair.' Unfair? Is this a joke? The fact that he stays in bed every morning and happily lets you get on with it and then has the audacity to say that you having one lie-in a week is 'unfair?!' Please stop enabling this behaviour. What an idiot.

Original poster
Teachermum02 · 01/07/2022 07:48

Hey everyone

The reason I use the term 'lay in' is because is it the term I have grown up with. From the part of the country I come from that's how we refer to sleeping in.

As for the hubby. He didn't realise, hadn't even considered my side. Because its something I have always done before becoming a teacher and he worked nights previously. But we are totally good now He completely understood my point of view and we have now changed out routine.
As for the time my kids get up. They have always been early risers, my son was up at 6am this morning without me waking him and my daughter naturally follwed about 15 minutes later.

Thanks for all of your concerns. All read but some ignored.

♡ thanks 😊

OP posts:
MaJoady · 01/07/2022 07:59

Glad to hear you've managed to make him see sense OP. But stay vigilant for the next month, ot needs to become routine for him too and you don't want him to "help" for a few days and then go back.

Just keep reminding yourself that they are his kids too, he is not "helping you out" he is doing hi part of the parenting you both agreed to when deciding to have a baby

WinterMusings · 01/07/2022 08:11

What he doesn't realise you have kids that need getting up, washed, dressed, breakfast , teeth cleaned, shoes on & taken to school?

be serious!

Does he realise they need collecting from
school, help with homework, taken to activities, reading, dinner, bath time, bedtime...

laundry/Housework... or would this all comes as a surprise to the bellend as well?

Aprilx · 01/07/2022 08:16

Teachermum02 · 01/07/2022 07:48

Hey everyone

The reason I use the term 'lay in' is because is it the term I have grown up with. From the part of the country I come from that's how we refer to sleeping in.

As for the hubby. He didn't realise, hadn't even considered my side. Because its something I have always done before becoming a teacher and he worked nights previously. But we are totally good now He completely understood my point of view and we have now changed out routine.
As for the time my kids get up. They have always been early risers, my son was up at 6am this morning without me waking him and my daughter naturally follwed about 15 minutes later.

Thanks for all of your concerns. All read but some ignored.

♡ thanks 😊

So all you needed to do was mention it to him and problem solved. It beggars why you didn’t mention it sooner really.

billy1966 · 01/07/2022 08:53

Well done OP.

Of course he just didn't realise🙄.
Yea, right.

Funny how they "just didn't realise" when it overwhelmingly suits them not to.🙄

Good for you for "helping" him see what was staring him in the face.

Best of luck.

Mally100 · 01/07/2022 08:55

Aprilx · 01/07/2022 08:16

So all you needed to do was mention it to him and problem solved. It beggars why you didn’t mention it sooner really.

Show quote history

This. I can't understand why that wasn't done in the first place. And more ridiculously op put up with it for years because she didn't use her words. Shocking.

Meraas · 01/07/2022 08:57

Can all the hubby pedants just fuck off. OP can refer to her husband however she likes.

howshouldibehave · 01/07/2022 08:59

You have managed to have at least three kids with this man and he ‘didn’t realise’ he wasn’t pulling his weight and it ‘wasn’t fair’ that you wanted to stay in bed later than him one day a week, but suddenly now he does?

Right.

Mally100 · 01/07/2022 09:02

howshouldibehave · 01/07/2022 08:59

You have managed to have at least three kids with this man and he ‘didn’t realise’ he wasn’t pulling his weight and it ‘wasn’t fair’ that you wanted to stay in bed later than him one day a week, but suddenly now he does?

Right.

Since op is the one with the issue, she had 3 children and not thought once to open her mouth and communicate how she felt. Mind boggling.

ElizaJones · 01/07/2022 09:02

All those saying op should have told him. He’s a grown adult, he can see that there isn’t an even distribution of the early starts and shouldn’t need telling. Do you all
need telling to get up with your children or do you just do it ?

I’d have no respect for a man like this and I’m sick of the attitude that we as women need to tell our male partners what they should be doing, men like this already know, they just don’t care.

turquoise1988 · 01/07/2022 09:05

Oh please. They are both at fault here.

The husband for 'not realising (Hmm) and the wife for enabling it for so long.

Hope it works out for you, OP.

AgentMagenta · 01/07/2022 09:30

Ffs, this place sometimes 🙄 If someone was pleading "Help! I'm being murbered! He's stabbing me!" they would be lectured with droll replies of "you're being what? 'murbered?' what does that even mean? Do you mean 'numbered'? I can't make head nor tail of your post and am therefore not going to even attempt to help you."

BruceAndNosh · 01/07/2022 09:34

It's blatantly obvious what the OP means by lay in, just assume it's a regional term ffs you pedants.

It's not like she said she needed a fardwangle and expected you to know that means staying in bed later!

Dancingwithhyenas · 01/07/2022 09:35

Glad you are getting some extra sleep op!
Realistically our spouse isn’t always going to preempt our needs and asking for what we need is an important thing to keep relationships working for both parties. Glad he recognised what you were saying and has acted on it.

greatblueheron · 01/07/2022 09:42

Newmumatlast · 25/06/2022 09:01

Not only are you not being unreasonable but actually you should split the weekdays too. You should do half the time and he the other half - alternating days is good as then you never get too shattered as you get a lie in every other day. They're his kids too and his responsibility so he should get everything ready for them half the time. You can have a lie in on a Saturday and him on a Sunday - whichever the alternating ends up falling on. I wouldn't stand for this.

This

It's frankly quite appalling that he's leaving you to do all the running around after them all week, probably claiming he works full time and needs the sleep ... even though YOU DO, TOO! They are half his responsibility.

Has he always been this selfish?

turquoise1988 · 01/07/2022 09:55

@Dancingwithhyenas What do you mean by "spouse isn't always going to preempt needs?" What is it about the male brain that means that they are incapable of realising that they may need to pull their weight for...you know...their own children??

I am sick of people justifying this kind of behaviour as if it's still okay. We do not still live in the 50s. It isn't okay, and for as long as we allow husbands/partners to do the bare minimum for their own children, they will continue as they are.

Bullshit does he 'not realise,' he's just been allowed to get away with it for too long, at the expense of the OP's physical and mental health.

Thank goodness that there are some decent men out there who wouldn't dream of taking the piss.

Meraas · 01/07/2022 11:04

AgentMagenta · 01/07/2022 09:30

Ffs, this place sometimes 🙄 If someone was pleading "Help! I'm being murbered! He's stabbing me!" they would be lectured with droll replies of "you're being what? 'murbered?' what does that even mean? Do you mean 'numbered'? I can't make head nor tail of your post and am therefore not going to even attempt to help you."

So true

Dancingwithhyenas · 01/07/2022 15:44

turquoise1988 · 01/07/2022 09:55

@Dancingwithhyenas What do you mean by "spouse isn't always going to preempt needs?" What is it about the male brain that means that they are incapable of realising that they may need to pull their weight for...you know...their own children??

I am sick of people justifying this kind of behaviour as if it's still okay. We do not still live in the 50s. It isn't okay, and for as long as we allow husbands/partners to do the bare minimum for their own children, they will continue as they are.

Bullshit does he 'not realise,' he's just been allowed to get away with it for too long, at the expense of the OP's physical and mental health.

Thank goodness that there are some decent men out there who wouldn't dream of taking the piss.

I said spouse not husband. I don’t always know exactly what my DH needs in a given moment. I’m not a mind reader.
I know I had a tendency when my eldest was a baby to be a bit of a martyr and then feel resentful. I’ve just found stating clearly what I need and want helps. That’s all I was saying. Perhaps this doesn’t apply for the OP, but since her DH apparently has fully taken on board her comments, perhaps he did need to be told.

QuestionableMouse · 01/07/2022 15:49

Ulickmcgee · 25/06/2022 18:15

Yabu - it's a lie in. What the fuck is a 'lay in'?

Oh give it a fucking rest. Here's a good star for your perfect English 🌟 You clearly knew what the OP meant yet couldn't help yourself from adding a shitty comment.

abblie · 01/07/2022 15:58

Don't ask him just tell him

TildaRae · 01/07/2022 16:40

Seriously, why are people taking the piss? Nasty! No comment on the actual situation, just people laughing at the words the op used.

yes you’re not being unreasonable to want to have some extra sleep in the mornings at all.

turquoise1988 · 01/07/2022 20:15

@Dancingwithhyenas

The OP gets up at 5.30 every day to organise her children. Are we honestly saying that it's okay that she had to 'ask' for a lie-in because he may not have realised, only - by the way - for him to originally say he didn't think it was fair?

In what world is this okay? In what world does someone you are supposed to love and support ask you for help, only for you to say, 'it's not fair,' like some kind of petulant child?

Even the fact that he has now apparently 'realised' doesn't wash with me. Bullshit did he not realise, he just got away with it for far too long.

That isn't love. That isn't teamwork. That isn't a partnership. It's a joke!

BeautifulWar · 01/07/2022 20:45

Yabu - it's a lie in. What the fuck is a 'lay in'?

Quite. And from a teacher🙄

amicissimma · 01/07/2022 21:30

QuestionableMouse · 01/07/2022 15:49

Oh give it a fucking rest. Here's a good star for your perfect English 🌟 You clearly knew what the OP meant yet couldn't help yourself from adding a shitty comment.

Show quote history

I wouldn't normally be bothered the incorrect use of the verb 'to lay', but the first thing the OP says it that she's a teacher.

And just because a grammatical mistake is more common in some geographical areas (is this one, I've heard it from people from many places?) it neither makes it 'dialect' nor correct.