To think ending a long term relationship over the phone is cowardly?

[CuriousityMe]

Apropos another thread, is it wrong to end a relationship of almost 5 years over the phone? This happened to me. I know I'd never do it, and out of respect for the other person and what we had, I'd do it in person.

Totally depends on why it’s ending I guess.

Not really, if it’s ending it’s ending. Sounds like you’re directing your anger / sadness / disappointment on to the wrong place.

I officially ended my first marriage by phone. I was too scared to tell him I was leaving him so I said I was staying with a friend for a couple of weeks, packed a small bag and left then called him to say I wasn’t coming back and was filing for divorce. He came to see me, in a public place, screamed, shouted abuse and threatened me. I walked off and knew I was doing the right thing.

Don’t judge if you don’t know what’s really going on. Sometimes there’s no respect for the other person because their behaviour doesn’t deserve it.

Depends completely on the situation.

An absolute blindsider where the person being broken up with genuinely isn’t ‘at fault’? Of course that’s cowardly and not pleasant.

However, if it was a bad relationship with an unkind or unsafe partner- I wouldn’t care about being ‘brave’ whilst ending it. Why would you?

We were having our regular discussion, then he asked could he tell me something and said he'd never been in love with me in all our time together.

I would say that that's very cruel.

I mean, he sounds quite warped - for stringing someone along in a relationship for that long if that's how he felt, which is very weird in itself and then for telling them at all let alone on the phone.

He could have ended things without ever having to say he'd never been in love for the whole relationship.

It makes me wonder if he was emotionally abusive at other times?

I had a situation where I tried to end a relationship face to face but he wouldn’t accept it. It took longer to remove myself from it. If I’d done it by phone or text it would have been Quicker for both of us.

I see what you mean, the problem is it isn't "pleasant" no matter how someone does it. If you are out somewhere you have to leave upset and get home, if they are at your place, you've now got someone you hate in your house. It's not like if he did it in person you'd just think "fair enough, no problem" - you'd still be just as upset.

@wheresmymojo It makes me wonder if he was emotionally abusive at other times?

Not abusive, but critical at times of me. And I felt strung along and used - I couldn't believe what he'd said.

I don't see a problem with ending it over the phone - but I don't think it was kind or necessary to say he'd never loved you.

If there has been violence or abuse and the person on the receiving end does that, fair enough. Not otherwise.

I have read of worse where it is ended by text or email.

I think the phone is fine. How he did it, not so much.

I think it’s fine

My XH ended our 20 year marriage by handing me a typed letter in which he confessed his affair!

I think by phone is fine.

Okay, I guess it's okay by phone then. I just wasn't sure.