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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My husband criticised my brother

14 replies

BillybobJo · 25/06/2022 01:41

My husband has only met my brother twice as we live far apart. I always understood my husband really liked my brother from the things he’d say. This evening I mention my brothers name and my husband jumps right in saying he finds my brother bossy and a few other unkind things.
I’m shocked, annoyed and upset and support my brother! My husband is normally a wonderful human being. WTF happened to get such a sudden complete and utter 180???? I now feel negative towards my husband. How do I get over this????

OP posts:
Stressedmama33 · 25/06/2022 01:42

What did your husband say when you questioned him OP?

marcopront · 25/06/2022 01:46

If they have only met twice, what made you think your husband has formed an opinion?

Do you talk to your husband about your brother?
What kind of things do you say?
What happened when you asked your husband why he feels the way he does?

Aquamarine1029 · 25/06/2022 01:47

I’m shocked, annoyed and upset

Ok, but is he wrong? Or are you just overly protective and sensitive when it comes to your brother?

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/06/2022 01:51

Is he bossy?

My bro is a bit of a twat. If my DH said so, that would be OK.

BillybobJo · 25/06/2022 01:55

my husband has always spoken highly of him before this.

I’m close to my brother and only have good things to say about him.

When I asked him why he said my brother was “bossy” and he didn’t like that (we recently went to visit) but my husband was drunk whe he said all this…

OP posts:
BillybobJo · 25/06/2022 01:56

I think my husband is wrong snd yes I am somewhat protective of my brother. We are a small family and stick together.

OP posts:
BillybobJo · 25/06/2022 01:59

I don’t think so.

i think I just am protective over family.

OP posts:
BillybobJo · 25/06/2022 02:01

He kept reiterating how bossy he thinks he is. I just replied with “I wish I’d never mentioned his name!”

My husband was drunk - but very high functioning drunk.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 25/06/2022 02:03

When I asked him why he said my brother was “bossy” and he didn’t like that (we recently went to visit) but my husband was drunk whe he said all this…

But did he give you an example?

DeeCeeCherry · 25/06/2022 03:01

Your H should've kept his big mouth shut. I dont like DP's sister much but they are siblings and they really get on. I don't need to make an announcement to him that I dont like her much. What for? I keep my feelings to myself. I barely see her so it doesnt even matter.

Your H is being unkind about your brother so he can be unkind to you in a roundabout way. I'd have told him to STFU and that his opinion of your brother isn't required.

High functioning drunks dont tend to have nice personalities by the way. The drink brings out the true character

Tiani4 · 25/06/2022 03:39

Look your DH said an opinion when he was drunk. I disagree that people tell the truth when drunk even high functioning drunks, sometimes they just chat shit!

Or when drunk get caught up in something minor that they repeat over and over 🤪 or suddenly start venting about someone or some situation that when sober doesn't usually bother them.

Your DH may be right. Your DB may be bossy- what is bossy really? Unwanted advice and telling people what to do- and your DB may have irritated your DH by what DH sees as overstepping

To you your DB may be being helpful and giving 'much wanted advice and support' and that may be a dynamic in your childhood family relationship that you are perfectly happy with - where your DB feels a strong sense of responsibility and tends to take a lead. Close families can be like that with roles people take on.

Maybe your DH saw your DB as overstepping in some aspect of your life or maybe DB turned a bit of his (perhaps not needed) guidance and advice onto your DH!!

My DSis was bossy. 100% She was also the most helpful, kind and full of advice person I knew so I'd take that "bossy" any time!! I adored her and I was allowed to moan sometimes but never anyway one else!
As an older sister she tended to do research on things I was considering and feel very responsible to give me a bit of "advice" - but others would see her as bossy to me, my own family and to our parents.

I'm bossy as I'm a mum (it's in the job description!) (even when I'm not being bossy and it's just teenagers perception of the fact you're parenting!!). My eldest DS is bossy and even the middle one gives him a run for his money in how much they try to boss me and their siblings around!!! Grin

BillybobJo · 25/06/2022 03:39

So glad someone out there agrees with me! Thank you! Xx

OP posts:
justfiveminutes · 25/06/2022 03:52

I really think it is ok for a person to form an opinion and share it with their spouse.

You can disagree, you can tell him he's got the wrong impression and that he'll reconsider when he knows your brother better, you can tell him that you find it upsetting and don't want to hear about it again.

But there really isn't anything wrong with him saying 'you know, I am not keen on your brother. I've only met him twice but I found him really bossy.' I find it a bit ridiculous that you think he shouldn't think that, or that he was wrong to tell you, and that you are upset by it.

I love my family but don't expect everyone else to necessarily.

Tiani4 · 25/06/2022 03:54

BillybobJo · 25/06/2022 03:39

So glad someone out there agrees with me! Thank you! Xx

Who are your referring to? If you mean the PP who said DH should have kept his big mouth shut, then yes he probably shouldn't have said anything. But he's human. You're human, your DB is human, everyone will say stuff sometimes that they shouldn't or that they don't really mean that way or didn't mean to come across quite that badly.

It's difficult for us to judge as you haven't said exactly what it was that your DH said about DB other than repeatedly saying DB was bossy.

As I said, DB may indeed be bossy. So what? Bossy can be worded differently in a more positive way to be "unsought advice" kindly meant.

What is a bit worrying , how you've taken it so personally on behalf of your DB. Does he need you to stand up for him in this case? When this is your DH just saying something I. Frustration -albeit when drunk. Unless DH regularly slags off your DB, I'd just ask him not to again as it upset you since you don't feel it's bossiness but view it differently so you'll agree to disagree on your DB. Don't stew on this and let it damage your marriage, you two chose each other, clear the air when it's a better time to talk.

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