Help me decide: child or work

[mumorworkduties]

Don't think I've worded that very well but I'm under (time) pressure and hence feeling quite emotional about this whole thing atm.

Namechanged for this but have posted a lot. Posted here for traffic:

Background: my DC is 7, nearly 8. For the last 3 years I've been working part time, 4 days a week. Since covid my job has been moved to wfh with a day in the office every week. I've been here when they go to school and home when they return.

About a month ago I applied for a higher salaried role. I did this only for the reason that I felt I should be aiming higher.

I got a role which is better paid (but only slightly), but it's full time in the office 5 days a week, possibly moving to wfh 1 or 2 days a week soon.

My dilemma: I miss being at home for my child. I really miss wfh. The pressure in the new role is intense for a salary that is only 2k a year higher than before, but obviously my previous role was only 4 days so pay was pro-rata, if that makes sense. My previous role was easy as hell so this is a huge change.

Current role isn't permanent but there is a permanent vacancy. If I want it I have to apply by Monday. I'm told it's mine if I want it.

I've been in the new role 2 weeks and while I'm enjoying it, I miss seeing my son off to school. I miss being home for him. I miss having the day off to do the school run. I'm also not enjoying the pressure. It doesn't feel worth it when I'm hardly seeing any increase in pay.

In my previous role, OT was always available to top up pay, which I could do from home whenever I wanted.

If it matters, DH just got a promotion so increase in wage + less hours.

I'm currently on a secondment. My gut says see it out until end of the year and go back to old role but I'm wondering if I'll regret it.

Then again, I work for NHS so opportunities are always coming up whereas I won't get this time with DC again. But we're house hunting and need a mortgage and higher salary = better mortgage.

What do I do? I don't know what to do.

I'm not unhappy in this new role, the team is great, but I feel like I've given up a lot for it and I'm not seeing any monetary benefit. Is it worth it?

Aargh so confused. What would you do?

Shit it's so long. Sorry

Have you moved up a pay and so would keep incrementing in new role?

Yes, if I go perm

You dont need a bigger house/mortgage if you managed for nine years, you want one which is fine

Do it for 12 months then review

And this must boost your pension too

It's the balance of would another role like this become avaliable in next 5 years and how much salary would you gain over the years plus pension.

I would prioritise my child in your circumstance. You won't get the time back with them.

If you were loving the new role then I would say go for the promotion. But by the time you have paid petrol & after school club it hardly seems worth it for something that is more stressful.

Agree with not getting the time back with them. This is what bothers me the most. Plus I had amazing work/life balance in old role, suddenly I feel I don't have that anymore. I get up and leave before DC, as soon as I'm home it's dinner, homework, bath, bed. I feel like I haven't been able to spend enough time with him. I know it's only been 2 weeks but for some reason I'm really feeling it tonight (period may have something to do with that too).

No childcare costs such as after school club as have amazing parents who help every day.

Didn't think about pension etc. Could someone tell me how to do the maths to compare old and new roles?

All this thinking is making my head hurt and now I don't know if I'm feeling like this because of time of the month

Roles like this become available all the time, I just don't know if I want it enough

You will still have time with your child right? Evenings weekends holidays .
It s not going to zero

If new role is just not doing it for you then it seems you have a much better life/work balance in previous role. All things being equal it's not like you need this role for survival. I'm usually of the opinion of keep pushing up/forward but in your circumstance your WFH role with seeing your kid everyday and still maintaining a sense of self seems much better. It's not like you're sacrificing anything and when kid becomes more independent it's not like you'll be starting from scratch anyway.

It sounds like you don't want it. Don't force yourself to do something you don't want to do. Maybe the timing just isn't right for now.

It's only been two weeks I'd stick it out a bit longer

If you can financially, I'd choose the children every time. Promotions can come later.

But then again, mine have special needs and the routine and consistency of me being there help hugely with that.

God you've got free family childcare?? I'd dp it!

do it*