To be cross with PIL

[QueenofLouisiana]

Months ago my PIL said they would be at the coast this weekend, near where we keep our caravan. We said we would go up and see them and put it in the diary. It’s about an hour and a half’s drive from here.

Since then I have declined a party invitation and had to make arrangements for DS to travel to a university open day with his friend’s parents (no trains!)- because we are seeing PIL.

Texted today, suggesting we drive to the beach midway between them and us. Would allow our dogs to meet (they have met once, but aren’t familiar to each other). No, they now don’t want to as BIL is with them and travelling 10 minutes down the road is “awkward”. No discussion, just no they want to leave it.

full disclosure: there are no issues between us and BIL. They just don’t want to have to move 10 minutes away. BIL is in his 40s.

I’m cross that plans made weeks ago just aren’t important, AIBU?

Mental note to hold that grudge op..

I don't know- did they actually want to meet up in the first place? The way you wrote it makes it sound as though you gate crashed their holiday
If it's only 20 minutes away you could just go to where they were staying, if they are reluctant to travel
Also don't get what the dogs have to do with it.
Or you can still go and have a nice time without them

That’s very annoying but you can go to your party now 🙂

@Littlebirdyouaresosweet I’m working on letting it go- but I’m just too cross this evening. 😡

@SnackSizeRaisin They said “we’re going up, if you go up the same weekend we can get together”. So definitely no gate crashing!

Dogs: we’d prefer them to meet again on neutral ground. Ours is much bigger, younger but way less manic. It may not be a good thing to go into the other dog’s home.

@TempName01 DH said that. But I’ve already said no, I don’t think it looks good now to ask to go!

Of course you can! Just say your plans have fallen through so you would love to still come if that’s ok

I would be annoyed too OP - that is pretty rude and thoughtless of them to make plans and then back out at the last minute for no real reason, if I've understood right.

Do they live a long distance from you so that meeting whilst they are on holiday/you going to your caravan is a rare chance to meet up?

Are they saying that they don't want to see you at all now or that they just don't want to meet at the beach half way and expect you to travel to them?

OP,ask about the party. No shame in that.
As for PIL- they’ve shown you’re not their priority only an option.Remember that.

Well I wouldn't have cancelled my ds open day arrangements or the party to see them for a start.

The lesson to remember here OP, is that when it comes to a choice between you and DP, and your BIL. They chose BIL. Remember that.

I’ve just spent a week on holiday in the uk with my parents. They both drive and drove themselves to the destination but whilst away they were really reluctant (scared I think) to drive anywhere else. They were scared of getting lost and/or not knowing where to park. They were never like this when younger. Maybe pil are similar?

PIL have behaved very badly. As you’re just an option to them, don’t treat tyem like a priority ever again.

You suggested going to see them then instead of calling to them you want to meet halfway on a beach! I would have told you to do one awswell!

Yes good point. Op changed the arrangements. Also why would you cancel pre-planned arrangements? The pils did basically the same to you.

Ten minutes? Seems unreasonable and the dogs meeting is not going to go away as something to consider.

We said we would go up and see them and put it in the diary. It’s about an hour and a half’s drive from here.

Texted today, suggesting we drive to the beach midway between them and us.

No, they now don’t want to as BIL is with them and travelling 10 minutes down the road is “awkward”.

I don’t understand, they are staying an hour and a half away, you suggested a beach midway, so surely that’s a 45 minute drive? Where does 10 minutes come from?

I took it as this @Tinkity

OPs house to OPs caravan - 1.5 hours
OPs caravan to PILs holiday let - 20 mins

Ah now I get it, thanks!

Well if your caravan is some distance from where the PILs are, you could go to the caravan anyway and just not see them.

I'd tell BIL you're going to your caravan and ask does he want to meet up

I don't see what your problem is? You said you would call and see them, now you are expecting them to travel part-way to see you, so you have changed the arrangements not them. YABU. (don't see what the dogs have got to do with it).