To make DP pay mortgage on shared parental leave?

[Moancup]

Wondering if IABU after reading threads on finances during maternity leave.

First baby due soon. I’ll be doing about eight months mat leave and my DP will take three months shared parental leave, which will be unpaid by his employer.

We earn similar amounts (DP slightly more and he gets a small bonus each year) and both comfortably clear £4k a month. But our mortgage is over £2k a month. DP is very frugal and can easily save the money to pay “his share” of the mortgage along with day to day spending during his leave. If necessary I can pick up bills. I won’t be on full pay by the end of mat leave but likewise will accrue savings to tide me over.

This has seemed like the natural option for both of us, but a lot of threads would suggest I’m BU during his leave by not picking up the tab.

Yes you should be paying the mortgage while he's not earning but he should be contributing more during your mat leave too so it probably all works out.

Why wouldn't you just combine your finances?

During maternity/paternity leave all income should be joint and all bills paid from the joint income. No one should be having to cover “their share” when they are on low paid/unpaid parental leave whether that is maternity or paternity leave.

Of course both of you saving to cover these costs is also joint savings.

We don’t. It works for us at the moment. Maybe one day it won’t but for now it does.

How does one make a partner do something?

Also, as you're having a baby it would be a good idea to see income as joint or household income, and mortgage gets paid from that life all other expenses.

He should be covering you when you are on Mat leave and you should reciprocate when he’s on Paternity leave. It’s the only fair way.

I guess I’d better check in with DP.

The irony is I’d be the big winner from joint access to savings. He just doesn’t spend any money 😁.

This

My husband is taking 4 months SPL later this year and we have been saving jointly to cover this drop in income. Just like we did to cover my leave.

I seriously do not get this his/hers approach to finances when you have children.

If he is taking leave so not getting paid in order to care for your child then he should not be having to contribute as much to the house.

I always think the best way to organise finances is for everything to go in one joint pot from which the household bills and other major items are taken, then each month both partners transfer an equal amount for personal spending. They can save it or spend it as they please.

DP is very frugal and can easily save the money to pay “his share” of the mortgage along with day to day spending during his leave.

Presumably you are also doing the same?? If not then you can hardly expect him to when you aren't

I am paying the mortgage whilst DH is on shared parental Leave.

We are a team- if your DH is sensible with money then this seems quite punishing!

Yes but it’s not going to be as much of a dip for me.

If you're paying your share from your saving, he should pay his.

He is caring for your child. His lost income should be your lost income. The same holds true during your maternity leave.

You are a family now. Why not just combine your resources for your family. Stop thinking about his and hers and focus on ours.

It shouldn't matter which one of you is currently earning the most - you should be sharing.

Plenty of women regret full sharing.

Yes he should contribute if he has the money.

When one parent is taking the hit on income to be home with the shared child, the other parent shoulders the gap in income. Whoever the sex is.

Just make sure neither of you are left skint while you're off.

What works for you won't work for everyone but as long as you're both still comfortable it's fine.

In your case, there is a precedent set which you should stick to.

Basically, who paid the mortgage while you were on unpaid/reduced pay?

Most women and their partners discussing finances aren’t doing SPL so it is usually only the woman losing income and the man expecting to not contribute at all.

From the outside it looks you should have one pot, the earner tops that up while they are working and the non-earner takes from it when they aren’t working. You can agree the specific numbers - one big pot or a % of income together but I’d say you both want it to feel fair.

Work out how much money is going to be needed to cover any loss of income on both sides, and then split it 50/50 and both save up to cover that, if you currently do everything 50/50

But you need to have a chat about how everything child related is going to work if you currently don't have joint finances so that you don't end up quibbling over who paid for the last set of clothes etc.

I’ve suggested that we get a joint current account for bills and baby things etc so I guess the simplest thing is both to build up a surplus in that for the mortgage gap.

We’ve only just bought the house together. For years we lived in my flat and he paid me half of the bills and token rent and I sorted all finances, so we have a pattern that’s pretty firmly established and different to many couples.

We split our joint income in the proportions it would be if we were both working full time. Personally, I'd be happy to just go 50:50 and merge everything as we're married and have two kids, but DH earns substantially less than me and is sensitive about being subsidised!

So in practice, I've been giving him money each month while he's been on SPL in the past and since while he's been working part time. I'm now on mat leave and will have one month on statutory at the end - he'll give me some money for that. But really it's all just joint money at this stage - we're a family and intend to stay that way.