Can your husband/partner be overly sexual in your marriage?

[AmITooTired]

Like you just feel like a piece of meat? Like not everything needs to be sexual. Just me? Is there something wrong with me?

The clue is in the title. It’s “your” marriage, so it’s “your” decision what over or under sexual
is. Of course it’s possible to be either, but I suspect that’s not what you’re really asking.

I think a better question would be “do you have sexual agency in your marriage”

if you don’t, then that is sexual abuse

Nothing wrong with you, he’s a sex pest.

Yes a partner can be over sexual - my husband is. He cant walk past without grabbing my bum, he makes crude school-boy jokes and talks about sex alot. I have no sex drive (post radical hysterectomy, chemo and readiotherapy for stage 4 cancer), I've explained so many times that I don't like the things he does, I just walk away now - we've had so many conversations about it and I've told him if he can't accept me as I am then he needs to go. I love him but not his behaviour

My ex treated me like a piece of meat. I couldn't bend over without him grinding behind me, constant groping, sexual comments. It was the biggest turn off. Along with his ridiculous sulking if we didn't have sex every flaming night. I married an absolute sex pest and it only got worse.

open your mind. try new things

It’s basically sexual assault and you shouldn’t have to accept it

No there's nothing wrong with you. And its worrying that you think the problem lies with you.

As @AnyFucker says if you don't have sexual agency in your marriage its not a marriage, its an abusive relationship.

Why are you in the marriage? If you're there for financial reasons only is there something you can do to change this?

No probably the opposite here, but I really like playful sexual flirting, I like being very tactile and turning things into slightly sexual jokes. I'm always trying to entice him. But dh is very gentle and sweet and I'd only have to ask him to stop doing something, he's not wanting sex constantly so it's all harmless flirting.

I guess if it's unwanted and making you uncomfortable then it's a problem.

What exactly is he doing?

It's worrying the way you frame this question, OP. If your partner behaves sexually in ways or situations which you don't feel comfortable with, that is very much not ok. It doesn't matter whether other people might feel comfortable with those things. It's you who are married to your husband, so it's your boundaries that matter, nobody else's.

But fortunately you won't find many women on here (except perhaps oiltrader - if they are a woman) who would say you should put up with being made to feel like a piece of meat. Please don't mistake boundaries for 'having something wrong with you'.

You have to have boundaries and an expectation that those boundaries will be respected.
If he won't or can't meet those boundaries then it's time to seriously consider if you want to remain married to him.

Mild flirting is one thing, such as giving you a hug, paying a compliment or even just saying something flirty.
Grabbing you, especially your intimate parts is giving you zero respect and sending a message that his needs/desires are more important than yours.
Just because he's your husband, it doesn't mean that he has any special dispensation over you and your wishes.

It depends on what you're happy with. I like a lot of sex so I wouldn't be happy with a partner less sexual but it depends what you class as oversexual. Is it that he's a sex pest constantly groping you, making you do stuff you don't want, or just has a healthy libido and it's you that doesn't want it? Hard to know.

Like others have said it’s about what works for you in your relationship. My partner works away all week and can turn any text message into a sexual innuendo if he’s in the mood and the sexting can get full on, but I also know I only have to say the word and he would instantly stop so I don’t feel like a piece of meat, I feel wanted. If I felt differently then I would ask him to stop and put boundaries in place.

My love would be long gone in the face of such awful behaviour and utter disregard for my feelings.

Long gone.

I bet her husband wouldn't say that if she suggested pegging with a 12 inch dildo.

If he's crossing boundaries he is aware are in place it's really not ok. DP used to do this with texts, it would fucking grate as I wouldn't want to talk about fucking him while I was sat on the train home or picking up some chicken. I told him to pack it in and he did.

My exH was like this. He’d have had sex at least once a day if he could! He wasn’t the most communicative of men therefore he made me feel like a piece of meat too. I could have been a blow up doll for all the everyday communication we had. He was also heavily into porn which, along with everything else, made feel even more used.
When I started divorce proceedings we had to live in the same house until the sale completed, even then he was visiting escorts because he just had to have sex 😡

These sex pests don't realise that for most women it kills their desire for sex stone dead.

He probably should go. No man wants to be with someone with no interest in sex.

@salcombebabe you weren't giving him sex and then mad he was looking at porn? You were divorcing him and then mad he got sex elsewhere?

@Shoxfordian sexual assault!! Mother of imaginary friends you people are nuts!

No he was looking at porn rather than chat to me then expected sex! We were still in a good relationship until I realised just how heavily into porn he was

'You weren't giving him sex?'
'No man wants to be with someone with no interest in sex?'

If you're not a man (and an entitled arsehole at that) then I feel very sorry for you.

OP he sounds like a sex pest which would be an instant ick for me.

I understand 'being sexual' as something completely different.

My husband kisses me a lot, touches me affectionately and tells me I'm beautiful.

That, to me, is sexual. Because I find it sexual.

Being harassed by a sex pest is not 'sexual' - it's being harassed by a sex pest.

No, there is nothing wrong with you.

What is the extent of his behaviour?