AIBU to want to change Godparents?

[bluenosebear]

DH and myself have invited a close male friend of a very very long time to become Godparent to our DC. Friend accepted. Friend who is in his 20s has since started seeing a girlfriend who is in her teens and has become pregnant and they are starting a life together. The problem is, this girl is AWFUL. It's my belief he's with her out of duty rather than love, but they're talking about marriage! She happily drinks and smokes even though she's pregnant, swears loudly in public, is a terrible liar (and a CHAV! EEK!) and has even gone to see ex boyfriends and have them over without my friend around. There's no way I want this girl around my child when she's barely more than a child herself. She picks silly arguments and TBH have not really got to know her and I don't want to.

AIBU to either not invite her to be Godmother at all, or ask my friend to step down? What's the done thing here, am I expected to ask her to be Godmother seeing as her boyfriend had already accepted Godfather?

You'd be unreasonable to ask your mate to step down

VERY

Why would you nee dto invite her to be god mother?

She doesn't automatically become godmother. My DS' godmother's husbands aren't his godfather's even though we love them dearly. What does your DH think?

That's why I'm asking . Is it acceptable just to not mention it to her and JUST have my friend to be Godfather and not her?

you cannot unask your friend, you must have asked him for good reasons, and to ask him to step down would be very insulting

you don;t have to ask his girlfriend to be godmother, i doubt she would expect to be asked

you can talk to him about his girlfriend, but i doubt it would go down well.

She does not need to be godmother at all. It's not really a couple thing, although it can be. None of my godparents were married to each other, although they were all married.

If it is a close male friend, and you think he is a suitable godparent, then I wouldn't let his girlfriend change anything.

Its fine not to ask her. it would be odd if you did. I was a godmother to my friends babyand my dh wasn't. 2 male friends of the parents were the godfathers.

My children's godparents aren't married to each other

Why would you automatically ask her to be godmother to your child?

Don't ask your friend to step down, that would be extremely rude.

Lulumama, I'd never talk to him about the girlfriend, I'd hate to upset him. Weegle, DH feels the same about the girlfriend. We both love our friend dearly but not her. I'm glad to see it's generally thought that I could continue to have my friend and wouldn't be expected to take the girlfriend too.

All of DS's three godparents are married or in long-term relationships. In each case we only asked one of the couple to be a godparent; it would never have occurred to us that there was any expectation that you had to have both halves of a couple. And these are other halves that we LIKE.

Frankly it would be weird if you did ask her to be a godmother, given that you've only known her for a few months.

Absolutely - and in the way that I encourage a one on one relationship between my son and his godparents I don't see why you can't encourage your child's godfather to spend time just the two of them. Their relationship should be independent of the girlfriend, and to an extent, you, although obviously when they are young you need to orchestrate it more.

Message withdrawn

the girl sounds like a trollop young girl who works for my husband.....and just because her boyfriend is going to be your childs godparent doesn't mean she's automatically the godmother....i'm sure she'll know that!!

Why does she have to be GM when he is GF. You don't have to have a couple.

I may have repeated other points there! I really ought to read the whole thread.

I would support your friend and definitely not criticise the mother of his baby to him. As for her entertaining other men, it may be innocent....