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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Suitable punishment?

16 replies

GollyJollyHolly · 23/06/2022 21:31

Year 10 trip and one yr10 boy takes a beard trimmer with him. Between him and 3 other boys they shave half the head of a (consenting) other boy (trip was one where the children had time on their own and this was at the end of the day). Shaven head boy gets home and parents go ballistic - boy tells them that he was "pinned down" before it happened. Parents complain to school.
School has now suspended main culprit for 2 days (the boy who owned the beard trimmer) and the other boys for 1 day. Even though there is video evidence to show the "victim" was completely consenting, no sanctions at all on him.
Interested to hear what people think?

OP posts:
mrsbouquett · 23/06/2022 21:36

Consenting because he felt pressured? Or consenting because he randomly wanted his head half shaved……

FlissyPaps · 23/06/2022 21:37

The boys who did the shaving were stupid. IMO these type of pranks aren’t funny. They’re cruel, at someone else's expense.

The boy with the shaved head, even though he consented, might have only done it out of fear and for peer pressure. If he didn’t get pinned down, then he should have told his parents the truth.

I think the suspension for the others boys is reasonable. They did this “prank” whilst under the schools supervision. The school needs to set clear behavioural expectations for other students.

Is your child one of the ones suspended by any chance?

steff13 · 23/06/2022 21:39

If the boy genuinely consented to have his head shaved, then I think he should be punished, and the punishment should be lighter than two days suspension for all of them; maybe detention.

Ihatethenewlook · 23/06/2022 21:42

I think the schools got it right

Original poster
GollyJollyHolly · 23/06/2022 21:42

No - my son was not involved (he had photos / video on his phone, and we've already had a chat about whether that was sensible). He is actually more friendly with the "victim" than the perpetrators and said that it was all done with his consent (I take the point about how this might not always be proper consent, but the boy concerned is certainly laughing and doesn't appear stressed on the film)

OP posts:
mrsbouquett · 23/06/2022 21:45

Course he doesn’t he’s trying to look cool and fit in…. The ones that did it, if they thought it was such a good idea should of shaved there own heads

FlissyPaps · 23/06/2022 21:50

If your son wasn’t punished then I’m unsure why you’ve posted this thread. Do you think the punishment is suitable?

Even if the boy is laughing and seems OK on the video, it doesn’t make it right.

I agree with PP, if all involved thought it was so funny they should have all shaved each others heads.

It’s not a prank or a joke if it’s a someone else’s expense. Even if the “victim” may seem like they’re ok with it and laughing.

Original poster
GollyJollyHolly · 23/06/2022 21:53

It just seems really unfair that if the big involved was fully involved (which he def seems to be from the video) that by telling his parents he was pinned down he gets other kids suspended and he just walks away without punishment. I totally accept that sometimes it doesn't look as though someone has been pressured, but it really doesn't seem like that here.

OP posts:
RedCarsGoFaster · 23/06/2022 21:56

I'd ensure all the videos were made available to the school and the victim's parents for one - they need to see the whole thing in the round in order for a punishment decision to be made, and the parents to decide whether they want to proceed with a complaint.

Peer pressure can be awful - only the people there will know whether it was true consent or not.

FlissyPaps · 23/06/2022 21:57

I assume the school have seen this videos? If so, then they’ll be able to see the boy laughing along. However, they have made their own judgments about the situation and punished accordingly.

I’m sure they’ll all get over it. It’s only a 2 day suspension.

You’re probably more concerned about it then the actual kids who are suspended.

Original poster
GollyJollyHolly · 23/06/2022 22:01

Ok, I was just seeking opinion, not suggesting a public enquiry. Thanks for the thoughts.

OP posts:
Ownedbymycats · 23/06/2022 22:03

The perpetrators need to realize how difficult it would have been for the other boy to refuse.It's not normal behaviour and they should be punished for it.

Ownedbymycats · 23/06/2022 22:05

'not' normal behaviour

justasking111 · 23/06/2022 22:06

They did this last day before Xmas some had buzz cuts others bleaching their hair with bleach. We flew abroad with A14 year old skin head and a16 year old with strange yellow orange hair sigh....

It all grew out. Another trick was shaving off one eyebrow. Boys are stupid 🙄

Paq · 23/06/2022 22:07

Ownedbymycats · 23/06/2022 22:03

The perpetrators need to realize how difficult it would have been for the other boy to refuse.It's not normal behaviour and they should be punished for it.

This.

shiningstar2 · 23/06/2022 22:11

Hopefully the school has looked fully into the incident and made suitable enquiries of their own. Where teen boys 'larking about ' and ' just having a bit of fun' is concerned things are not always clear from a bit of video/photo footage. It's not just the he 4 kids concerned that could make the target feel threatened but all the others having a laugh. He isn't going to 'look stupid' as he would see it by complaining of or shouting for a teacher and being 'a spoilsport' who 'cant take a bit of fun' . I would expect that the school would have heard both sides and also asked some of the more quiet boys for their take. It could alsi be that one ( or more) of the perpetrators have admitted that there was a degree of pressure. Often kids, although thoughtless, are fundamentally decent and when an enquiry has taken place they've put their hand in the air and regret their daft actions. My guess, with experience, is that the issue has been well looked into

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