Am I in the wrong?

[MeAndYouu]

Me and DP have a 6mo boy. We’ve had arguments here and there usually revolving around his mum taking care of him

i haven’t wanted her to yet I don’t really trust her. He was 2.5 months old and she dragged him up by the arms (whilst his head lolled everywhere) and said “can he hold his head up yet?”
she doesn’t know how to settle him
She is such an absent mother with DP
And she’s obsessed with giving DS foods that I don’t want him to have yet as he’s so young

I haven’t directly said this but DP knows I don’t want him there alone

tonight DP flipped on me and said we’re going to split up if this continues that I’m being horrible

but he then went on to say I ‘never leave the baby alone’ (he has been babysat by my parents before though) and pointed out my anxiety stopping me from eating and sleeping because I’m watching him all the time and wrry

i thought he was really mean but he’s insistent I’m in the wrong

Am I? Even if I am threatening to split up with me is a bit much isn’t it? Or am I being deluded

Trust your gut. I’m surprised he isn’t also worried about his mum having him?
Threatening to break up with you is horrible.
Your baby and his safety comes first!

Does he know how awful your mil was?

He seems oblivious to it. When I mention how clueless she is he says “oh you hate her” blah blah

He thinks I’m just anti MIL so he refuses to see the problem

She doesn’t ask about DS or check in. Once a week she’ll call and usually just ask for a favour somewhere she’s not close with DP at all but I guess because it’s his mum he doesn’t want to see how clueless she is

I didnt leave any of my children with anyone until they were over 2 so i certainly dont think your being unreasonable in not wanting to leave him, the fact your MIL is useless doesnt really need to come in to it...... if your not comfortable leaving your baby then you dont have to!

My response to your husband would have been would you like me to help you pack?

Op is that right are you not eating and sleeping and watching him all the time?

You're his Mum, and he's still a very tiny baby, so ultimately it's up to you who you leave your DS with. It sounds sensible to decline your MILs offer of care for now if she's insisting on giving him foods he's not ready for, but it does sound as if you might benefit from some help with your anxiety. It's totally normal to worry about your baby, but if it's stopping you from eating and sleeping then you need to talk to your HV or GP - you need to stay in good shape so you can be there to stop your MIL trying to feed your DS a full roast dinner or something!

Your DP threatening to leave you over this is really quite controlling behaviour. You're vulnerable because of your recent birth and current anxiety and it sounds like he's trying to take advantage of that - don't let him! You sound like a great Mum, don't bow down to pressure from others when you know what's best for your boy.

I am eating just when he naps or goes to bed and I. Sleep a bit but I do watch him a lot yes

He’s really upset me I’m crying I nearly text my mum asking could me and DS come stay with her

my anxiety stopping me from eating and sleeping because I’m watching him all the time and wrry

Is this true?

It sounds like there is some fault on both sides. MIL doesn't sound great, but if you are so anxious that you are struggling to sleep when the baby does that may be tough for your partner to live with. Are you getting any help for your anxiety?

My HV isn’t visiting the baby until he’s 10 months old and any time I go to my GP they just want me out they don’t really want to see anyone unless it’s serious x

I’m getting about 2–4 hours sleep each night so I told DP I’m sleep deprived which is why I may be. A bit moodu

and then he gets annoyed and says he has to deal with jt

Could you say ‘I’m fine with my parents babysitting so that argument doesn’t stand up’

trust your instincts about his mother. It does sound like that you are not looking after yourself though, is there any truth to what he says? Could you do with a break?

Hi OP

Your level of anxiety and behaviours isn't healthy for you or the baby, I mean this kindly but I think you really need help, it's not normal to not sleep because you're watching a 6 month old baby. A newborn when you're back from the hospital maybe but this post natal anxiety is extreme and doesn't sound like its going away on it's own.

You are not unreasonable not letting his mum look after the baby. But if you're anxious about normal low risk things like sleeping then unfortunately I guess it's a bit like the boy who cried wolf - he is not hearing what you are saying as he thinks it's just another thing that you are overly anxious about, and because your judgement is maybe a bit off on other things he doesn't trust it on this either.

It sounds like it's not easy for anyone in this situation but I think if you acknowledge you have an issue with over the top anxiety in other situations and tell him you are committing to getting help for it, then it might make it easier to say that you are still not comfortable with his mum having the baby until he is older

@3luckystars I do trust the baby only with my parents which is bad inknow

This argument started because my mum has offered to have him for me this weekend (overnight only once and she lives 2 roads away) and DP was annoyed that it’s not his mum. But if it was I’d sleep even worse I wouldn’t be able to cope I feel physically sick thinking about her babysitting my son