First ever date and first ever rejection :( I’m 37

Littleonesad · 2022-06-23T18:15:43+00:00

As the title states I’m 37 and had my first rejection and first ever date. we meet, had an ok time, he asked me at the end how it went and if I wanted to see him again. we messaged that night and yesterday I initiated a further date by telling him which days I’m usually free…. He’s not messaged me :( it’s been 24 hours. im upset and I didn’t sleep at all last night. Now I can’t sleep either :( I don’t have much to offer anyone anyway, but he did tick a lot of boxes

blugray · 23/06/2022 19:18

I think you’ve posted this in the wrong board tbh. There is no “aibu” aspect to this? It’s obviously reasonable for you to be upset, but it’s reasonable for him to not necessarily want to see you again if he isn’t interested (though he couldn’t have been upfront with you, but he could be afraid of hurting your feelings)

Teacupsandtoast · 23/06/2022 19:18

But you only had an ok time....cut your losses, on to the next one who can show you a good time!

WhackingPhoenix · 23/06/2022 19:19

You say it was only ‘okay’, you deserve better than that!

But in any case, he did ask if you wanted to see him again. He might just be busy 🙂

blugray · 23/06/2022 19:19

He could’ve been upfront with you *

sjxoxo · 23/06/2022 19:20

I don’t think that’s necessarily a rejection op! He might just have been busy and might message you back soon! Xxx

SheWoreYellow · 23/06/2022 19:20

You went on a date, well done!

That’s a huge achievement for a first time.

Original poster

Littleonesad · 23/06/2022 19:21

sjxoxo · 23/06/2022 19:20

I don’t think that’s necessarily a rejection op! He might just have been busy and might message you back soon! Xxx

It’s been 24 hours lol

OP posts:

GiltEdges · 23/06/2022 19:21

im upset and I didn’t sleep at all last night. Now I can’t sleep either :(

Presume there's more going on with your MH OP, as this isn't a normal reaction after one date?

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 23/06/2022 19:22

Keep at it, if you are new to this it will take a while to build up the thick skin required for the modern rating world. Above all, remember you are amazing and it's them, not you! Best of luck xx

dontgobaconmyheart · 23/06/2022 19:24

Gosh OP I think there is quite a lot to unpack there.

Most importantly, a random man deciding he wouldn't like to date you is not a comment on your worth or value. It may sound trite but for the right person, they will think you have lots to offer and I'm sure you do. He may seem as though he ticked some boxes you think you would like for yourself but you don't know him at all, not really. You said yourself you had an 'ok' time - are you sure you even really want another date?

It's only been 24 hours anyway, that is no time at all, you are not dating and have been on one speculative date. He may well get back to you but it's far more important to understand that if he doesn't then that's for the best, doesn't mean anything about you, and ultimately doesn't matter. You've not lost anything or lost further opportunities and that is the point of dating even though at times it is difficult not to take things personally. Not being able to sleep as a result feels unhealthy and as though there is too much of your self esteem resting on the outcome and too much investment too soon, and I mean that kindly.

Forget him for a minute; what are you doing to lift your own self esteem and what do you hope to gain out of dating? Where do you think the low self esteem stems from?

Putting yourself out there is brave and difficult and you did well.

Original poster

Littleonesad · 23/06/2022 19:25

GiltEdges · 23/06/2022 19:21

im upset and I didn’t sleep at all last night. Now I can’t sleep either :(

Presume there's more going on with your MH OP, as this isn't a normal reaction after one date?

I’ve not been sleeping well due to the weather and the bloody sunlight at 4am which despite having black out blinds and curtains it’s not helping…..

Everyone has mental health issues to a degree. I’m bloody tired from not sleeping for like two weeks.

OP posts:

Original poster

Littleonesad · 23/06/2022 19:29

dontgobaconmyheart · 23/06/2022 19:24

Gosh OP I think there is quite a lot to unpack there.

Most importantly, a random man deciding he wouldn't like to date you is not a comment on your worth or value. It may sound trite but for the right person, they will think you have lots to offer and I'm sure you do. He may seem as though he ticked some boxes you think you would like for yourself but you don't know him at all, not really. You said yourself you had an 'ok' time - are you sure you even really want another date?

It's only been 24 hours anyway, that is no time at all, you are not dating and have been on one speculative date. He may well get back to you but it's far more important to understand that if he doesn't then that's for the best, doesn't mean anything about you, and ultimately doesn't matter. You've not lost anything or lost further opportunities and that is the point of dating even though at times it is difficult not to take things personally. Not being able to sleep as a result feels unhealthy and as though there is too much of your self esteem resting on the outcome and too much investment too soon, and I mean that kindly.

Forget him for a minute; what are you doing to lift your own self esteem and what do you hope to gain out of dating? Where do you think the low self esteem stems from?

Putting yourself out there is brave and difficult and you did well.

I’m not sleeping because I’ve not been sleeping well for two weeks

i just want to sleep.

im tired,

im getting woken up every day by the sunlight.

the heat.

its not because of him generally, but it prob was last night.

yes I know I shouldn’t hold so much worth over one date but live is hard. I want the intimacy and it’s such a mind field!

OP posts:

Original poster

Littleonesad · 23/06/2022 19:30

Sorry everyone for taking my post the wrong way.

im tired. Separate issue.

iust wanted to talk about dating etc. it’s all new to me .

OP posts:

PurpleButterflyWings · 23/06/2022 19:32

This is normal (for men to not make contact after the first date..... treat 'em mean keep 'em keen ) But if you don't mind me asking, how come you are only just starting to date at 37?

PuttaMyDream · 23/06/2022 19:34

I know you say he 'ticked a lot of boxes' (I use this phrase when house hunting!) But did you feel a mutual attraction, any chemistry?

Sometimes you just don't click! But 24 hours isn't long so just put it out your mind and carry on dating!

ChiselandBits · 23/06/2022 19:34

Lovely, report your post and ask mn to move it to the Relationship board. Or just start a new one there about your dating situation.

orwellwasright · 23/06/2022 19:35

Get an eye mask, OP.

Mixedfeelings89 · 23/06/2022 19:37

Give him more time.

Okeydoky · 23/06/2022 19:41

I'd get this moved over to the relationships board. You'll get good advice there.

SavoirFlair · 23/06/2022 19:42

If you’d like to talk about dating can I kindly suggest this board as well?

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships

SavoirFlair · 23/06/2022 19:43

Oh snap @Okeydoky !! 😃

Pinkdelight3 · 23/06/2022 19:45

24hrs isn't long when you've waited 37 years. Look at the positive - that you've finally had your first date, it went ok and he did ask if you wanted to meet again. Whether or not he's a flake (probably is) or the right guy for you (probably not) is neither here nor there. This is a WIN. Get some sleep and get on with next steps. Your best days are ahead of you and not everyone can say that!

CallOnMe · 23/06/2022 19:53

Just try and relax.

Dating is meant to be fun.
You’re not going to meet your future husband on the first date.

Most people meet up with several different people to find out what they’re looking for.
Don’t take it personally if he never replies.
Chances are he will reply when he has time.