To ask for positive stories about a school refusing DC?

[Worried2478]

DS is extremely anxious at school and has been struggling the past couple of weeks. He's been going in but texing me from the toilets telling me he can't stop crying and he feels like he's having a breakdown. We deicded to keep him home for a few days so he can have a mental rest so since yesterday he's been home and is fine, but gets anxious at the mention of school. I should mention he has ASD and is in year 7.

We haven't had any obvious issues all year but he is high functioning and masks really well. He has friends and plays football, is in top sets and he seemed to settle in really well. In fact his friends aren't even aware of his ASD. I think the past couple of weeks have been really tough with assessments, some name calling from friends and general sensory issues. When I ask what's wrong at school he replies it's everything and he cant really pinpoint what's triggered the anxiety but he just can't face it and wants to be homeschooled. I don't know anyone who homeschools in my small hometown or local area.

We have a meeting with SENCO tomorrow and I'm hoping we can work together to help support him. Has anyone been through this and come out of the other side? I feel close to tears all the time wondering what I should do, homeschooling is tough but not impossible. I worry about the social side, he can be a hermit and has spent his time at home gaming.

Any advice for tomorrow?

Hi @Worried2478
I have 2 autistic boys at mainstream, one Yr6 and the other Yr9. Both my boys are academically able but have high support needs. They both have an EHCP and have full time 1-1 support.

Here are some things I really hope may help. It’s brilliant that you’re sharing positive examples of neurodiversity that your son can identify with, but it’s absolutely fine to acknowledge the struggles too. It will help him know that he’s not doing anything ‘wrong’, his brain is simply overloaded with the vast amounts of information it takes in that neurotypical people aren’t even aware of and needs a rest - just like a footballer would rest an overworked muscle. He’s not a school refuser, he’s reached autistic burnout. It happens and he just needs a bit of time and tlc to re-set. He’s done amazingly well to get almost to the end of Yr7 without it happening already!

It would be doing him a huge disservice to not share his diagnosis with the school. Staff are trained to teach autistic children alongside their mainstream peers and those with low support needs appear no different to their friends. However their will be subtle differences in teaching that will make massive differences for your son: it could be really simple things like making sure he’s first in the line to leave the room so he doesn’t get swarmed in the corridors or emailing HW directly to you to save him the pressure of writing it down. These are all small things that your son should have a think about and the SENDCO should easily put in place for him in a school based plan that is shared with his teachers. His peers will know nothing about it, but they could help to ease his day to day anxieties enormously. Perhaps for now, whilst he’s recovering, a reasonable adjustment would also be no homework for the remainder of the summer term. As an ex-head of Science of far too many years, I can tell you it will make no difference to his future.

And in the meantime, let him game and rest if that’s how he likes to switch off. When he’s gathered himself back together he can go back ready to enjoy the last few days of summer knowing that for now the pressure is off.

Wishing you both all the best on your journey and I hope the school is supportive to your son.

@Crazyducklady thank you, that's really helpful advice. I agree it's the little adjustments that will make the biggest difference and hopefully prevent him from feeling overwhelmed day to day. I need him to open up though what these struggles are then we can help him accordingly. At the moment all I'm getting is 'it's everything' but I know he enjoys certain things like football during PE and playing it with his friends at break time so it's not ALL bad.