To think I might be Lesbian/Bisexual?

[thinkingGirls]

Hi I know I'm not technically in the right thread but I need advice/ traffic!

I'm 25 and have a 1year old boy! I didn't have a great relationship with his father and so we split up. I've been focusing on raising my son and only just really thought about dating. However there is something that seems odd about dating at the moment! I've always found women attractive but never thought too much about it, I've never really found men all that attractive and tbh sex has never really been it for me. I think I assumed I was probably Asexual but I've been having dreams about women and I've noticed I've started to really check women out etc.

I just don't know how I'd do about starting to date women?
The few gay women I've known in my life have all said they are all a bit suspicious of new Bi/Lesbian women as they tend to find that there are just "experimenting" and see then as some sort of test!

I feel as inexperienced as I did at 16 before I ever slept with a guy!

Someone please help me figure out what I'm doing!

So I guess AIBU to want to see if I like women?

You cannot change sex. Homosexual means same sex attracted. A man cannot be a lesbian.

Males cannot be lesbians fgs, the fact that statement is coming from within the lesbian community is awful.

Sigh, yet another thread derailed. From the first comment too, that must be some kind of record.

I never mentioned trans women being lesbians. I said they are women ffs!!! Because @jeaux90 said they are males!

It's pretty transphobic to say that trans women have surgery as they are actually women, regardless of surgery. That's what "trans women are women" means. Expecting every trans person to have had surgery is exclusionary to those (the majority - very few have any surgery at all) who don't. A trans woman is someone who says they are. They do not need to wear anything feminine or present in any way that is stereotypically "feminine", because they know how they feel. And how they feel is what makes them a woman.

@daretodenim don't try to educate me on the lgbtq+ community!! My comments have clearly been misconstrued as I am neither homophobic nor transphobic.

If transwomen are women then you accept they can be lesbians @Rosequartz48 ?

I'm so sorry OP, I've reported this post as it's been derailed and posters can't seem to respect your topic. Perhaps you should move this to the Relationships section?

Trans women ARE males. That’s what makes them trans.

Actually if the OP is thinking of entering the ‘community’ it’s of benefit to her to know what’s going on within it.

I often wonder how long you could browse on here before coming across transphobic nonsense. It never takes long 🙄

Well you stated that they have surgery and I stated that surgery is not inherent to being trans. You may not like hearing it, but it is transphobic to say that it is. It can be but trans women aren't women because they have surgery. They're women because they say they are.

@ShinyMe How do you expect a lesbian to look my lovely? Dress how you like. I'm mid 30s; have very long, highlighted hair and wear make up and dresses pretty much every day. It's not how I look that makes me gay but the fact I've been married to my wife for 13 years is a giveaway. I just wanted to say please don't get hung up on having to look/act a certain way - it won't make you be any more or less gay!

OP to being this back to your post, I'm in a similar situation to you, only I'm older. I'm actually so happy to have finally understood myself and unpicked things in my life that seemed strange, until I understood my attraction to women, that I can't bear the idea of women I may be attracted to thinking I'm "experimenting". Or some even worse things about me because I've had relationships with men.

So for the moment I'm not looking for any relationship because I don't want this nice feeling to be ruined. When I've got a thicker skin I'll look to date. From where I stand, just understanding myself and feeling free in myself to enjoy being attracted to women I'm attracted to is gift enough. But on some level it does make me sad that the people I'm most worried about is not prejudice from straight people, but from those of my own sex who I'm attracted to.

Do you report all threads that derail or just ones where you don't agree with the majority of the posters

Transphobic tripe. Also derailing so knock it off

Bigotry doesn't cease to be bigotry because a lot of people espouse it.

It's not bigotry to say that men can't be lesbians. It's a fact.

Oh I know, and I mostly do try to wear what I want, I think. But I think I would like to signal to other people a bit better, as I think I look pretty straight, in a very boring middle aged way. But it would be nice if other lesbians could recognise me sometimes!

Tbh lesbians are very good as spotting each other, there is something in the way they hold themselves and I bet you will know if one is interested. Of course there is stereotypical changes you could make that do make it a little more obviously, but that depends on your general style. Don’t change yourself over it.

I just wanted to thank you for your post, I've been thinking about it since you posted. You have described exactly how I have been feeling and thinking for the last 2 years, right down to my past sexual experiences with men.

It has helped me get one step closer to realising that I am probably gay, I am mid 40's so a lot to get my head around.

Also to the person who said that no straight woman has ever questioned their attraction to women (paraphrasing), this has helped me so much by not trying to rationalise my way through this.

Thank you both.

It's a shame this thread has been derailed as it's been very helpful to me and others I'm sure.