I have 3 children (2 with ASD and a NT 19 yr old) the 19 year old and 8 year old with ASD live at home with me. For context I’m a lone parent with nil family support (toxic abusive parents) and my youngest DS (8 years) has no contact with his abusive dad as per a family court order.
I work full time as a nurse (usually 2 x 12.5 hour day shifts and a 12.5 hr night shift each week). Term time my 8 year old gets taken to breakfast club by his sister and then collected from after school club by a baby sitter (£15 per hour) and is looked after until I get home from work. The night shift my 19 year is at home and normally a baby sitter will stay for a few hours then my daughter takes over.
local to me I have an amazing adventure playground which has two sites. They provide after school clubs which my child accesses (it is local to his school) on the days I work. During the school holidays they offer two types of ‘play scheme’. The first being free (first come first served type 10-3.30pm) but the second is around £35 a session but from 08-1700pm. During the holidays my child is allowed 2 days (as he requires some supervision 1 adult to 4 children) but, due to my long working days I pay for him to attend so he goes for the extended session (I then pay a baby sitter to collect and look after until I get home from work). This then leaves me paying for the SEN sessions (which are funded as it’s an inclusive facility which supports both SEN and non SEN children) which if I wasn’t working he would be able to go thus giving me respite.
non SEN children can go every day either for free on first come basis or paid if the parent requires it as childcare. I find it frustrating that I will not even be able to have an hour to go for a run during the holidays (this is what helps my MH).
I just wonder what other support parents of SEN children have. I’m dreading the summer holidays, I have barely any friends and due to his behaviour do not have any school parent friends or other friends with children. I feel so isolated and sad. I just feel that there is no point, there is nothing to look forward to at all. I’m aware this is a bit of a poor old me post and I’m not looking for sympathy.
There is this pressure for me to accept a social services referral as there is an assumption that that will magic up resources for my child. I have extensive experience with SS due to both my eldest ASD child (now 22 years) and having been in a violent abusive relationship. I am trying to put things in place to address my child’s behaviour and look for different ways to parent him. I have paid for private therapy (not easy on my salary) for my child which the therapist then felt she couldn’t meet his needs (I’m in the process of looking for other support for him which I can afford).
I have tried to explain my situation to the playscheme but, their answer is let’s do a SS referral.
not only do I feel (from experience) that a SS referral will NOT give my child additional support, when my ex takes me back to court for contact (he does this regularly but there is currently a S91(14) in place due to expire shortly, I also have a restraining order in place) it looks like I cannot cope. The family court are notorious for not recognising domestic abuse and the impact it can have on a child (I’ve been threatened in the family court by my ex on multiple times which have never been fully investigated by the police).
evfn taking him to the park is hard work, I have to helicopter (from a distance) the whole time to prevent him from inappropriate behaviour which at worst can lead to confrontation with other parents.
what do other parents of SEN children do to get some respite in the school holidays?
I spend a large chunk of my income on childcare which obviously goes up during the school holidays.