Friend didn’t invite me to birthday

[Spikeyplanty]

Found out a good friend of mine had a birthday last week and didn’t invite me. We’ve been good friends for many years and a few days before her birthday I met her up with to give her presents etc and she didn’t mention anything about her plans. Found out that on her birthday she went out with her other friends and I wasn’t invited. She changed jobs this year so I understand she would have made new friends but the last few years we’ve always celebrated special events together.

"Found out that on her birthday she went out with her other friends and I wasn’t invited."

Is it possible that she was 'taken out' rather than 'went out'? That the other friends had arranged it all as a surprise to her?

Need more context before we can say. Was it a new group of friends? Did she organise it? Was it a surprise for her? Did you know any of the other people she went out with?

It’s absolutely ok to spend your birthday with one particular social group without inviting other friends. Yabu.

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Are these mutual friends?

If these are mutual friends/people you know YANBU

If they are a separate group YABU

I had this with what I thought was a close friend of a decade.

It was mutual friends and they knew I was going through a bit of a tricky time and would have appreciated the social side. I was blindsided.

I was really hurt, told them so and took a step away and we barely spoke for months. We're fairly friendly again now, as we see each other through various connections and life is too short to hold grudges, but it will never be the same closeness.

I think before anyone can make a judgement we need to know if the people she went out with are also your friends?

If they are your friends and you’ve been purposely left out - YANBU

If they are not your friends and you wouldn’t usually socialise with them - YABU

There are a few scenarios here.

If you don't know the other friends, did she think you'd feel like a fish out of water?

Was it your idea to meet some days before her birthday? If so, she might have assumed you were busy on the actual day.

I would only expect to celebrate a friend's birthday once, your friend probably thought she'd done that with you on the day you gave her the present.

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@Spikeyplanty Coming back to answer questions anytime soon?