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Original poster

Nursery said toddler snatches

13 replies

toddlerdrama · 23/06/2022 11:57

So the nursery staff have told me that my DD, two and a half has been snatching toys from other kids and also kicking.

They were really awkward about telling me and seemed uncomfortable. They said they're keeping an eye on it. ( I am not sure what that means ).

I asked them what they do when she snatches and they said they just try to show her how to share, rather than telling her not to snatch / kick.

First of all, I don't know why they needed to be awkward about it. Surely toddlers do this sometimes, so it must be really bad ? When I asked if it was really bad, they said no and they're not concerned. I'm just confused.

Secondly, surely it would make sense to tell DD not to snatch and explain to her why we don't snatch and the importance of sharing AS WELL as showing her how to share. But obviously I am no expert.

I'm worried and confused and seem to have received mixed messages, as they say it's all normal and they're not concerned - at the same time being awkward about telling me etc.

DD doesn't really have play dates often at all, so I can't really say how I have dealt with it. But my instinct would be to tell her not to snatch and explain to her why it's important to share.

Do I need to worry or am I overthinking it ?

OP posts:
Original poster
toddlerdrama · 23/06/2022 12:02

Maybe this is completely normal for a toddler and also for the nursery and I'm totally overthinking it. They told me she was bitten by another toddler the other day, whilst they were fighting over a toy. Apparently she wasn't the instigator.

I said OK, it happens. They were really apologetic, which I didn't think was necessary, as again, if it's a one off- I thought kids sometimes do this. If it happens a lot, then of course there's an issue.

Apparently my DD didn't bite back and didn't seem to care.

Am I too relaxed about this ? My DH was really shocked when I told him, which surprised me.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 23/06/2022 12:03

Completely normal. Showing her how to share is all that's needed, in nursery & at home.

RedWingBoots · 23/06/2022 12:10

Normal.

Mine did it at her CM.

It's only an issue if they bite and scratch when fighting over toys.

tineys · 23/06/2022 12:10

They were probably awkward as a lot of parents get on the defensive and take it badly, likewise really apologising over the biting incident - so many parents are horrified to hear their child has been bitten, so they were probably trying to defuse the situation.

And as for the behaviour, completely normal. A lot of nurseries use a distract/positive approach instead of 'no don't do that', hence why focusing on what they should do rather than shouldn't do

PurpleFlower1983 · 23/06/2022 12:13

Do you come across as someone who might take this type of news badly? That could be why they are awkward. Some parents are scarier than others!

ChaosMoon · 23/06/2022 12:17

Don't worry. They were awkward about it because a lot some parents get really angry when their kids are in any way criticised or inconvenienced.

Just give them your support, as you have, and all will be well.

CatSeany · 23/06/2022 12:21

Completely normal, unsure why they felt weird about telling you. Has anything changed at home? In our case my son gets really out of sorts whenever my partner has a long weekend of working and he doesn't see much of him. I have two kids and so can't give him the usual amount of attention when I'm looking after them both. We find that sometimes he expresses that frustration by pushing or snatching in nursery after the weekend and then he's OK after a day or so. They should be very used to handling toddler behaviours!

PuffyMcPuffFace · 23/06/2022 12:28

It can be completely normal behaviour. And they're right to demonstrate and reinforce positive behaviour. But if they're kicking - that should be being told a firm "no, we do not kick" in my view!

Original poster
toddlerdrama · 23/06/2022 12:39

Aw thanks everyone. I've had another baby recently, so maybe that's why and also that might be why the nursery staff were a bit careful when telling me about it. I think they also know I'm a bit of a worrier too.

OP posts:
Original poster
toddlerdrama · 23/06/2022 12:40

PuffyMcPuffFace · 23/06/2022 12:28

It can be completely normal behaviour. And they're right to demonstrate and reinforce positive behaviour. But if they're kicking - that should be being told a firm "no, we do not kick" in my view!

I'm forever telling her Not to kick me at home ! She thinks it's funny. Very frustrating

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PuffyMcPuffFace · 23/06/2022 13:15

@toddlerdrama - i empathise. It's the most frustrating thing ever isn't it when they laugh in your face. Just (try and) stay calm, firm and consistent. "This too shall pass" Flowers

Liglig · 23/06/2022 20:04

I am a nursery worker and while being reassuring to parents while breaking it to them that their child bit or hurt another child we do occasionally get the occasional parent who reacts negatively or cannot believe their child did such a thing, probably a lot of first time parents may feel this way or the child may behave differently at nursery than at home, after all they are learning how to interact with other young children like themselves and may not be able to verbally do this so may hit out, possibly not even intentionally planning to hurt their friend. This is why it may have been "awkward"

This is normal behaviour for your toddler so I would not worry, we usually distract them from the hitting out rather than tell them no or avoid the "no" or "don't" words as much as possible and show them what we would prefer them to do instead and praise the positive behaviour they display instead and it keeps the relationship good between the staff and children too.

Original poster
toddlerdrama · 24/06/2022 11:30

Liglig · 23/06/2022 20:04

I am a nursery worker and while being reassuring to parents while breaking it to them that their child bit or hurt another child we do occasionally get the occasional parent who reacts negatively or cannot believe their child did such a thing, probably a lot of first time parents may feel this way or the child may behave differently at nursery than at home, after all they are learning how to interact with other young children like themselves and may not be able to verbally do this so may hit out, possibly not even intentionally planning to hurt their friend. This is why it may have been "awkward"

This is normal behaviour for your toddler so I would not worry, we usually distract them from the hitting out rather than tell them no or avoid the "no" or "don't" words as much as possible and show them what we would prefer them to do instead and praise the positive behaviour they display instead and it keeps the relationship good between the staff and children too.

Thank you for sharing your insights on this, it's really helpful.

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