AIBU to move my childs nursery

[Thebeastofsleep]

DC2 is 3.5 and started new nursery 2 days a week in April. She also does 3 days a week at a different nursery and has done this full time since she was 2 (and part time since she was 1). So nursery is not a new concept for her.

We have concerns about new nursery. The facilities are great and it is all outdoors which we love. BUT we felt they weren't very welcoming to her, she is often upset on arrival and they don't come over to her and make her feel safe or welcome. DH did raise this with them and they have since been more welcoming (saying hello to her and ushering her to a seat for breakfast) but she then sits at the seat looking sad and no one goes to comfort her or engage with her.

In addition to this, she has had 2 poo accidents. She is very reliably toilet trained and is used to taking herself to the loo. She has had 0 accidents at home or other nursery in the same time frame. There are 2 issues I have with it - they aren't listening to her when she asks to go to the loo (she can be very quiet when needing a poo, she gets a bit embarrassed, no idea why) but the bigger issue is they haven't cleaned her up - there has been a solid lump of poo in her knickers when I have collected her and it has been smeared on her bum and legs. Both times is has happened shortly before pick up.

Additionally, she isn't happy there. She consistently says she doesn't want to go, doesn't like it, doesn't like specific staff, doesn't have friends, hasn't enjoyed her time there. At the first nursery she has days where she doesn't want to go but it isn't consistent and she sometimes doesn't want to leave when I collect her.

Finally, I just have a gut feeling that the care isn't very caring.

Nursery 1 can accommodate a full time placement in a few weeks time. AIBU to move her or should I give it more time?

I would probably move her to the original nursery, it makes sense to just have her going to one place consistently.
I would also be annoyed about the poo incidents and I think that alone would have me moving her.

Move her 100%
The second nursery sounds crap and not to mention it’s a hassle using 2 different settings.

I would definitely move her from what you've said. There doesn't seem to be any benefits to her staying at new nursery. She's not happy and you can change that.

Move her immediately.

It's just not the right setting for her.

The thing I love about new nursery is the outdoor and natural style of it. Original nursery is quite academic and all plastic grass!

You are not being unreasonable

You should move her back to the other nursery

Is there a specific reason for her going to two separate nurseries? Otherwise I'd just have her going to the original one that she usually like full time.

Doesn't matter if you're daughter is unhappy there

That’s just aesthetics, if your daughter isn’t happy there then it’s pointless.
Academic sounds like good prep for school too.

I'd move her, I think from her perspective only one setting would be better as it's one set of friends to make, one set of staff to know, one set of routines to remember how to follow. Given you have concerns about the nursery on top of that (and the not clearing up pop accidents would really concern me), I can't really see what would make you hesitate?

Well, you go there then.

But your daughter, who actually has to go there, isn’t getting on with it.
in my opinion it’s a no brainier.

Your DD won't be benefiting from the outdoor "natural" setting if she's feeling unhappy.

You are all confirming what I am thinking. So yep, today will be her last day.

When a child is upset on arrival you should listen to them. They’re telling you they don’t want to go to this place.

Its all irrelevant though as it's making your DD miserable.

Going on what you've said I'd be leaving a big complaint on your way out too!

Definitely move her. You can take her into the great outdoors at the weekend.

I wondered if it was an adjustment thing, she was a bit like that when she moved to the new room at original nursery, but this is more consistent and persistent. I just wondered how long other people would consider a 'settling in' period. I never had this with DC1, he was just happy everywhere.

settling in could be a week or two but it she is unhappy and they are not listening to her so move her.

one nursery will be much easier for her to adapt to and feel secure.

I understand valuing and wanting to try somewhere with a lot of time outside and good facilities for natural play - those things were important to me when choosing a nursery, too - but none of that matters as much as a caring environment. That is the non-negotiable, and if you don't think that's there then it doesn't matter what other pros the nursery has, it isn't good enough.

What's the point in having fantastic facilities if your daughter is unhappy?

My daughter LOVED her nursery even though it was run by Catholic nuns and they had to go to church and were very academic-focused. Except the resident cat, there were no fancy facilities there at all. But she absolutely loved going there, loved the nuns and had loads of friends and plus - she was also being prepared for school. My daughter is now 12 and is at a fancy private school with absolutely amazing facilities (the grounds are acres and acres and look like a magic wonderland) but she hates her school and wants to switch to one with less beautiful ground or facilities, but friendlier atmosphere.

My older daughter nursery was a bit tired, didn’t have the fanciest stuff! But she loved it, low turn over of staff and a lovely nurturing caring professionals - she is 19 and still has fondest memories!
There was a more local one with amazing facilities but something didn’t sit right with me, there is more to a nursery. With my second I choose a completely different nursery again! I chose what worked for my each of my daughters.

Its not about fancy stuff - original nursery is much fancier looking, just not to my taste but the care is good and that is important.

I had big hopes for nursery 2 but they just haven't materialized. DC1 goes to holiday club there and loves it, so I thought DC2 would but I think DC1 being older and a bit more self sufficient makes a difference.

If your daughter is unhappy, they're not helping her with the toilet or cleaning her up after accidents, and you've had to ask them to say hello to her in the mornings, I can't quite work out why it's even a question for strangers on the Internet? I'd say you need to learn to trust yourself and your instincts. I don't mean that to sound harsh, but honestly, if these things have happened, they're not about adjustments or settling in needing longer.

Thanks everyone, I've emailed new nursery to give notice and organised time off between me and DH for the days between now and old nursery picking up the dates.