AIBU to hate my wedding dress

[mussymummy]

Posting for advice from you lovely ladies of mumsnet. We decided earlier this year to get married after being engaged forany years. Many wedding dresses were not available due to timescales so limited choice.

Chose a dress which yeh its nice and was not cheap but in hindsight I don't think its me and its certainly not my dream dress.

I don't know if my perception is hindered cos I am late 40"s and after a tough couple of years (non covid related!) I just am really down about how I look, am 2 stone over weight and just am feeling my age.

Had anyone else felt this that they made the wrong dress choice but it all turned out ok? Any words of wisdom would be so gratefully appreciated xx

I have gone for something very plain and simple which feels just like a dress and not a wedding dress if that makes sense!

Need to see it!

Why don't you show us a picture and we'll give you feedback?

Can you post a picture ?

With a wedding veil and hair andake up I promise you it will be totally different. If you really don't like it could you add something to make it more you? A bit of lace or a pearl/embellished belt. You could wear a lace overlay jacket

I couldn't pick between two dresses, one was £3.5k, the other was £350 off the hook. I couldn't justify spending the money on the expensive one when there was another a tenth of the cost.it was nice, people said I looked good in it, but I was definitely second best..

Then I can back for the final fitting and they fucked it up so badly I couldn't sit down in it. The night before my mum had to undo the seams and restitch it, they hadn't pressed the seams or anything and they had charged me an arm and a leg for the alterations too.

I found the whole thing so stressful and upsetting. The wedding dress shop went out of business after so I couldn't even complain. Was all a big disaster.

However on the day, after I had my hair and make up all sorted, I felt great. I didn't care that I wasn't in the perfect dress, so many other things were perfect - namely the person I married. It was a beautiful day.

If you're not happy or comfortable you can always look at selling your dress for an alternative, or taking it to a reputable seamstress and making the bits you don't like better. I wish you all the best with it.

Impossibile to say without a picture, sorry

As the previous poster said, you need to be looking at it with make up, heels, hair done, flowers etc.

@mussymummy you can definitely get it altered if that's the main problem. There is so much they can do to make it more special!

Can you afford to buy another one? Or have a different evening dress?

Without a picture. I’d say if you really don’t feel happy in it, then ditch it and buy something else, or wear something you have, and love, and jazz it up with pretty accessories and hair/makeup/ shoes

What kind of wedding? When? Just wondering if you show us, maybe people can suggest stuff depending on venue

I changed dresses close to my wedding. Went from a dress I thought I should have (if I was tall and slim) to the perfect dress for me. Never regretted it.

It’s irrelevant what it looks like (re all the people asking for photos). It’s about how you feel in it and if it’s not your dress, it’s not your dress!

I was in the very same situation as you OP when I got married 10 years ago, I ended up buying another one from ebay for £100 which was brand new with a price tag of just under £1000, it was a risk but the best decision I ever made.

People will tell you the dress won't matter on the actual day, but it really did to me. I hated my wedding dress and realised what a horrible mistake I'd made the minute we had walked out of the shop after paying. My DM paid over £3000 for it after cajoling me into choosing something that didn't suit me, when there were dress for half the price that I much preferred. I won't lie, I was absolutely gutted on our wedding day, and couldn't even tell anybody how I felt, as I felt selfish for not appreciating the money spent on me. Eight years on and I can't even bring myself to look at the photos - the photographer had to keep reminding me to smile, so I imagine I look miserable as sin in most of them😂

You need a new dress!!

Online shops like boohoo, simply be and asos may have something you like and their sizings are reliable! I'm a size 18, got my dress from boohoo and it was listed as a bridesmaid dress, I felt fabulous in it!!

Good luck OP

Thank you everyone for your kind words and with your positivity I am trying to look at things differently
I think you are right that on the day with hair makeup, veil etc I will feel more bride like and the most important thing is I am having the wedding of my dreams to the man I love.
I will buy another dress for the evening though!

What is the style of the dress and what is your normal style OP ? What would your dream dress look like in comparison?
Plain and elegant wedding dresses can look very beautiful in their simplicity, (sometimes more so than embellished and complicated dresses), but they do need to be well cut, to fit perfectly and to be a flattering colour and shape.
Sometimes when women feel unhappy about their appearance they will choose something very plain in an attempt to almost disappear, and that would be a shame for your wedding day, if that is why you have gone for a style that you don’t love.

I hated mine in the run up to the wedding. I think the focus on how I would look, trying to look perfect and so on just got too much. I also kept trying it on when I had just got out the shower, with hair scraped up, etc.

Eventually I took the bill by the horns and had a half day ‘try on’ where I did lots of pampering, did hair and make up. I felt much better seeing it all put together. Could you do the same and see how you feel?

If it’s still not right then it’s time to change and I’d definitely suggest looking at non-wedding dresses, or not even dresses, look at suits and jumpsuits. Choose what makes you feel confident and happy, not what you feel you should be wearing.

Can you add anything to it like beading or sequins, look up detachable trains or belts for wedding dresses, a long veil or anything like that could alter the whole look of the dress.

I've recently discovered lace wedding capes and a might be a massive child but I really want one. Some kind of accessory could enhance it. Also think of jewellery, earrings, hair etc.

If you are worried about it bring plain, you can equally dress it up with jewellery or a belt. But once you are all dressed up it will look really different. I was a bit like this with mine, but once I added accessories I was really pleased.