To wonder when the whininess stops?

[surreygirl1987]

Help! I have a 3 year old (4 in October). He whines SO much. Is this still normal at this age? It's worse when he's tired (fair enough) but it just seems like all the time really! He'll whine and seni-cry over the tiniest things. At what age do children usually get less whiny??

I would say to mine, “You don’t talk to me like that, you use your normal voice.” And I would ignore them until they spoke to me properly. Tbh I can really remember any whining now as she learnt very quickly not to bother with it. I find boys to be a lot whinier than girls though so will see how that goes with my baby when he’s bigger!

Wait until he gets to the end of the first term of school...

Walk away/ignore. Basically do not engage at all. Just carry on what you are doing. Ask them if they want x for tea, whatever. If mine pushed too much told them to go to their bedroom and not come back till they could talk normally.
Whichever kid it was would then pick a fight with the other child and ww3 would generally ensue. At least 1 child crying and I would look at clock to see if I could legitimately open wine.
Sorry op but it never.bloody.stops

Never engage with a whining child, if you do you are rewarding that behaviour. If your child has to say ‘mum’ 16 times before you answer, that’s your training, (I counted once while standing in a queue.)
State your expectations and do not engage with whining.

As did I. Whining was not allowed and my husband and I wouldn't respond to it. We told them nicely but firmly to talk in their normal voice and we will be happy to talk things through. If they weren't capable of doing that then they needed to sit by themselves for a bit to calm down. My kids never whined and don't as adults. There's nothing worse than an adult who whines like a child.

My 44 year old ‘D’H hasn’t grown out of it yet. My three year old whines less than he does.

I haven’t done it in Tesco but doing it back to them generally makesthem laugh and stop

Mine were told “I dont speak whine” every time they whined until they could ask in a normal voice. I also used to say I dont speak toast or cereal if they talked with their mouths full, which could get a smile out of them. You basically have to refuse to be drawn in and insist on them talking like pleasant people ! It does take many many go arounds as you can stop it for a few months and then they try it on again, so you have to stop it again etc. Mine are older teens now and will tell each other that they dont speak grump or whine or strop etc.

I'm working on reducing the whine with my nearly 5yo. Responding when it's an actual request 'please can I have a drink' rather than 'Im thiiiiirsty' and saying she needs to use her strong voice or I don't understand. She's classic second child and cries at the drop of a hat.

’I can’t understand you when you use that whiny voice. Try that again in your proper (big girl) voice, please.’

EVERY time.

If you've got a particularly whiny child it can go on indefinitely! DD is 10 and hasn't stopped yet.

*BeautyGoesToBenidorm · Yesterday 20:40

46 and counting, at least in my XH's case! *

I came on here to say the same thing, dear God he actually did a whine in the whiney voice about articles in the separation agreement 🤣

Ours is now a strictly no whining household.
I was once petitioned for 7UP, Haribo and some YouTube in a whiney voice. The petitioner got a glass of water, bread and butter and half an hour tidying their room and I got a cracking cautionary tale which stops all attempts at whining stone dead.

I used to say I'm not talking to you unless you use your normal voice. Every time. It worked. Whiny kids make whiny adults 😉

@GaslitlikeaVictorianparlour a 'cracking cautionary tale' about whining - this gave me a good laugh this morning when I needed it😃

I do wonder about this, people talk about whininess in children as though it was inevitable, and I think in the vast majority of cases it's not. Some children do impulsively want to share their displeasure at things being substandard for them, but it needs to be quashed as soon as possible, and never giving in to it.

Our dc was never a whiny sort to begin with to be fair, was diagnosed with language processing disorder so just understanding and speaking at all was a triumph. But we did notice when he spent time with friends who did use whining as a tactic, he was more likely to try it. I have zero tolerance for whining though, so it was cut off at the pass promptly every time. We said things like Sorry, I don't understand you, say it again? Say it in your usual voice? Just ask normally, don't use that tone. And the favourite Do you want some cheese with that w(h)ine? (When he was old enough to get the joke...)

I think we were lucky that our dc was quite amenable and also saw quickly that he got what he wanted more if he didn't whine and not at all if he did. Likewise, he was trained to ask for things like "can I have a drink please" and if he came back from a friend's house saying "I want a drink" I always pointed out "There's a nicer way of saying that..." It did work every time.

He also responded positively when told his grumpiness was having a bad effect on the rest of us so please try to be more cheerful again. But he's turned teenager now, we shall see what impact that has... 😬

My DS was a whiner. Stopped at about 6/7.

ClinkeyMonkey I was kind of at the end of my tether but it seemed to work.

Never, just as you age the whining changes to moaning

Never but it can be toned down, I try to encourage using their strong voice, or telling them I can’t quite hear them when they speak in a whiny voice.

it only ends when they age out of whining and age into moaning, sorry.