First birthday party - maybe people don't want to come

[SkyIsBlue55]

I've organised a party for my daughter's first birthday. It's going to be quite simple - food, drinks, free flow play activities, bubble machine. Nothing potentially annoying to adults I don't think. I've invited a mixture of family and friends. Sent invites individually on messages with good notice. A couple of people can't make it for various reasons which always happens but at least 5 others haven't even replied. It's nearly a week since I sent the invites.

Unfortunately it feels like we're going to be very low on numbers now. I know my dd won't have a clue being one and will be happy whatever. I just really wanted to mark the occasion with others as we've had such a difficult year and thought a party would be nice to get people together but obviously not.

A few years ago, just before covid, we had an awesome first birthday party for my ds and everyone came. Just makes me wonder if covid has changed people's socialising, friendliness, commitment, etc.

AIBU to be feeling a bit sensitive about this? Or should I just cancel it as quite a few people can't come or haven't replied? Or do I just get over myself and do it anyway, it's quality not quantity?

I'd send a reminder invite. I'd still go ahead on reduced numbers, unless you've got a day out that you'd rather have.

A first birthday party is more for the parents than the child. Which is what you’ve admitted anyway. Go ahead and have the party but just accept that it won’t be a priority for some people. You can still have a nice day with those that attend.

I wouldn't have gone to either of those parties but I would of course let you know. Maybe send one quick reminder.

I'm going to answer completely honestly its not fun for the adults who are invited.

Pre covid I went to a 1st birthday party and a 2nd birthday party when restrictions were lifted but that's because I felt obliged. I was then invited to the child's 3rd and declined the invite.

There was another one that couldn't have a 1st party due to covid and held a 3rd birthday party instead which again I declined.

The parties are more for the parents and I didn't enjoy going to them and I don't think it's due to changes in socialising due to covid. For most people I don't think it will be a priority but that doesn't mean you can't have a good time with those that do turn up.

We just had a first birthday party for our little one with friends and family. Most people came. I think good friends and family will want to celebrate with you surely? It needs to not be a kids' party if they don't have kids though so maybe a bbq or dinner party?

Free flow activities for one year old's?!

I didn't really know how to describe it. I just meant a mixture of things (little ball pit, sand tray, sensory toys, toy kitchen). Also, my 4 year old will be there and one or two others that kind of age.

It sounds lovely. Just follow up your invite with a "hello can you make it?! We'd love to see you. Let me know as I'm planning food and drink this week xx"

In my experience people go to first birthday parties to celebrate (as well as the child's birthday) the first year of a couple being parents. So by the 2nd and 3rd children it's not such a big deal sadly.

For your first child I think a first birthday party is a big deal. After that I don’t think you’ll get the same interest.

Have you had baptisms too? I think you can get party fatigue.

I’m sorry OP! It’s very rude for people not to reply. We have my nephews first birthday party coming up and although I can think of 10,000 things I’d rather do with my weekend I’ll be there with a big smile (and hopefully a big glass of wine!) because I know they’ve had a tough first year and it will be important to celebrate him. I hope your family can do the same.

1st birthday parties are dullsville, sorry op

Unless it’s actually for the parents and you’re providing loads of rose which makes it bearable

Can't think of anything worse than a 1st birthday party and I gave children.

Have

What do you mean cancel it? Will you lock the bubble machine away in the cupboard?

Maybe that is what some of our friends and family are thinking, I'm not sure. If it's not their thing, fair enough but surely it's reasonable to reply to an invite. Even if they just make up an excuse.

It's rude not to reply but the way you describe it here I can see why people without kids might be reluctant. I had over 70 people to DD's first birthday and not a children's activity in sight, it was for the adults !

I don't have children and really busy with work so I hate going to them but I feel like I need to as they are my best friends children

I wish people would just say if that's how they feel. I think that would actually be less rude than not replying.

I think adults that aren’t that close or besotted with your child won’t be arsed about going/would rather not go. My kids had grandparents, aunts and uncles and my best friend go and that’s because they love my kids and wanted to be there to celebrate their first ever birthday rather than for food or booze, and that’s all I wanted.

those that are going are all you and your child need there. You don’t need a big numbers, it’s a first birthday celebration and those who really love your child, who want to be there are all you need.

When it is dc1's 1st birthday, it is potentially a get together for adults with a baby there (possibly a few babies if you are inviting friends).

When it is dc2's birthday, it will be a completely different dynamic - as you have indicated - lots of kids running around, playing, generally being kids. Which is lovely, when you have kids, but if you don't, it becomes something that really isn't that appealing for most.
So I suggest it isn't that people have changed, but what they are being invited to has changed.

All that said, people should still have the manners to reply - so you know how many to expect. Sadly, 'not replying' seems to have become more and more common over the last 15 years and some people don't seem to grasp why it is so rude / selfish.

Oh dear had lots of parties for my 3 growing up
Didnt realise people were bored

I will be honest - and I have two DC of my own - I wouldn't go to or expect anyone to come to a 1st birthday party .

A very small family tea is lovely but nothing more .

And I would be mindful that it isn't automatically "rude" that people havent replied.

Yes - obviously it is the ideal scenario, but people have so much going on in their lives at the moment, that for me , juggling my DC , caring for parents, managing my own health , and work - an rsvp comes way down the list of priorities- im not saying that to be unkind , its just the reality that we are all prioritising and doing the best we can .