Brace yourselves for a long one. I need advice on whether this is me or him.
My boyfriend split with me this morning. It was a very hasty decision and told me he was done, and he left me to go to work.
Things the last few months haven’t been great. We had a big drunken bust up 3 months ago where he panicked. In our silly drunk state he left, took some space and 3 days later he decided he wanted to be with me.
Since then, it’s been so hard. I’ve felt since then I’ve found it hard to trust whether or not he will stay.
He’s tried hard to reassure me, and says all the right things, but I’ve felt his energy has been slightly off. He doesn’t say the loving things he used to - unless I do or ask for them. Also:
he used to show show much enthusiasm and says “can do” rather than “yes!” Or no.
he calls me on his lunch but doesn’t talk much and sometimes leaves me while he makes his lunch (his mum even made a comment once saying I was left on the phone)
he doesn’t text me when he’s out anymore and I didn’t know what his plans were, even though we’ve always been big on this sort of communication.
he booked us a holiday, but it took me bringing it up multiple times
But he always reassured me that things are perfect and that I didn’t need to worry. 100% perfect and he’s not going anywhere. Some people tell me I’m being too picky, others say it’s not me.
I moved in with him and his parents last week while we save for a deposit. The last few weeks have been hard but he reassured me this is exactly what he wants and he’s so ready and committed.
Until last night, where I told him I felt everything was off and I was worried. He said he felt tired and drained, like the relationship wasnt good at the moment. He said he is very happy with me, but not when we argue. He said we don’t seem happy when we are together anymore. I got upset, I didn’t want to sleep on it, but he did. It spilled into this morning where he rejected me when we were supposed to go on a bike ride. He then flipped and said he was tired of me, done forever, and left.
It’s so hard because I think we are so good together. He’s lovely and does try his best but his communication is terrible. He had a horrible ex and he now assumes any sort of conflict is an argument.
I think it’s part of the reason why we’ve been arguing so long - he will reassure me, then he won’t actually talk to think about how we can change things, he just goes silent and runs away.
The other day on the train we were running late for a meal. I suggested we call them and tell them, he said no because it’ll be fine, I said I’d call them anyway. I then told him “well it’s a good thing we did call, because they’re saving our table, and they might not let us do walk-ins”. He then got upset, said I was having a go at him on the train and humiliated him. Then just gave me the silent treatment.
I feel like I’m the only one who ever wants to think of a solution.
He also told me to cheer up after I got stressed looking for a lost item, he didn’t just joke about it, then got pissed off because we were “arguing” again.
I feel like I’ve been walking on eggshells since the last breakup. I feel pressure to be the perfect girlfriend, to never talk about how I feel. And if I do he gets defensive, even though he has seemed off. I’m not perfect, I do probably talk about things way too much and I probably am draining and over sensitive. But I really don’t know what to do next.
I have to go over to get my stuff so either way we have to talk tonight.