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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Employee stealing from a food bank

326 replies

QQWWEERRTTTYYY · 22/06/2022 14:44

NC'd for this. I run a food bank. I have a (paid) assistant Mary, along with lots of volunteers. My assistant used to be a volunteer, for context, but this is now her first proper job. She's on the autistic spectrum but very high-functioning. She is due to leave at the end of this month (travel, then uni). She's 19.

Anyway - I'm pretty sure she's stealing stock. Not donations from the public, but corporate type donations - bulk packs of biscuits, crisps etc. Always treat-y things rather than the (many) more mundane foods we have. Eg we receive two boxes of Dairy Milk at 2pm on Monday, I see them on the shelf, I head off at 3.30 and leave Mary there to finish whatever task - and when I come back in at 7 the next morning, one of the boxes is open and two large bars are missing. That sort of thing, again and again. On some of these occasions other people are in too, but the common denominator is Mary (and she'd always be the one in last/locking up). It's also extended to leaving the wrappers lying around on occasion, which is both dumb and infuriating.

Lives at home in a very well-off house, no expenses/money issues, no shortage of food - I'm quite certain. It feels, instinctively, like "teenage bottomless pit" type behaviour.

So:
Catch her out definitively?
Give her a vague but pointed chat about our stock and what it's for?
Say something before I wave her off at the end of the month?
Ignore?
Some other thing?

I don't think the value of what she's stealing is any great shakes, but a) really, who the hell steals from a food bank? b) theft is theft c) I trained her up and gave her a brilliant opportunity with this job, so I find it quite hurtful. I also would rather she learn her lesson now rather than when she's, I dunno, Chancellor of the Exchequer.

I don't have any other managers etc to bounce this off. I have trustees, who I suspect will leave it with me to make a decision as I see fit. WWYD?

OP posts:
TheNoodlesIncident · 22/06/2022 19:17

If you are going to address the issue with her, notwithstanding the fact that she will leave soon regardless, then try to avoid woolliness or vague terms. Having a group staff meeting with everyone present might make Mary think you don't suspect her (if you don't state you know who the culprit is). For whatever reason in her mind she might believe that it is OK to take things as they have been donated, and she could need it to be made clear that it is still considered stealing. She may well be heading to university but many people are very academic yet still woefully short on common sense.

I would want to say to her that I had noticed things had gone missing after she had been the only person there. That taking things without reinstating them or paying for them is stealing, and the consequences of stealing are being sacked for gross misconduct and possible police involvement. You will be doing her a massive favour if you can make this all clear to her now. The reasons for her taking the items is irrelevant, she needs to understand now that it's not acceptable and in the wider world, the consequences can be very harsh.

Obviously she may well be aware of all this but believe she's not suspected, in which you would be doing her a favour making it clear that she's not unsuspected at all.

worraliberty · 22/06/2022 19:18

Clymene · 22/06/2022 19:16

I honestly don't think privileged teenagers would think it's different @worraliberty.

It's not food you need to live - it's a treat. But also she may have a binge eating disorder and find it really really difficult to resist sneaking a couple of bars of chocolate. It's like putting an alcoholic in charge of the pub

I was referring to MouseRoar recounting a story that's completely different to the OP's scenario.

bumblingbovine49 · 22/06/2022 19:24

QQWWEERRTTTYYY · 22/06/2022 14:59

Do you really know her home situation? I'd tread very carefully.

I mean, she lives at home with dad a stockbroker and mum a GP, and it's a small community, so I'm sure she's not going hungry. We have volunteers who we also feed as they are in need - that's absolutely fine. But here it is only treats going missing.

To whoever asked if it could be a member of the public - no, this is all from a stock-room with limited access.

I don't think asking straight out will work, because in the past when I've asked her straight out about mistakes she has clearly made, she makes up a dumb rabbit-in-headlights lie. So I suspect I'd get "Oh, the chocolate? How strange. No, I have no idea" - even if she was the only one in at the time. And then what?

Done deal with it directly otherwise you for e her to lie As .some others have suggested make a general announcement to everyone that some stuff seems to be going missing and reiterate how it costs the charity money . Ask everyone to keep an eye out and say that you are considering a camera to keep a check on things .. Remind them that ALL donations are subject to stock checks and that of anyone needs food,.pleas speak.to you privately.

Then of.it happens again you can be more direct. You might need to get a camera though as you have absolutely no proof that it is the person you think it is doing this. I think the general warning might work though

UndertheCedartree · 22/06/2022 19:26

zoomstyle · 22/06/2022 19:17

Seriously?

My ASD son is high functioning, as is my mother. As a family we find this a useful term. (FWIW I have ADHD).

I find it really unhelpful when people try to stop others using this term. It's a useful distinction.

I agree we shouldn't police the terms people use to describe themselves/close family members. But we should be more cautious in using it to describe others. I have autism, some would call me high functioning but I personally don't find that a useful term so wouldn't like to be labelled like that.

newnamethanks · 22/06/2022 19:32

Consummation? Consumption.

Oldieandgoldie · 22/06/2022 19:34

This is very identifiable OP , you might want to ask that the thread is taken down.

3rdSectorEscapee · 22/06/2022 19:37

It concerns me that some people are suggesting covert use of CCTV/cameras (dignity, human rights and GDPR)and also that the OP refers to info provided by friends and neighbours.

MyneighbourisTotoro · 22/06/2022 19:45

Can you have a group meeting with her and the volunteers, say you’ve noticed stock has gone missing so therefore you’ll be installing CCTV?

Tilltheend99 · 22/06/2022 19:46

If wrappers are being left and you aren’t spotting them till morning are you sure it’s not mice?

You said this girl was high functioning but you talk about her in quite a scathing way. I think you need real proof otherwise you are just blaming the easiest target.

If she leaves for Uni and it stops or continues you will have your answer.

godmum56 · 22/06/2022 19:54

I think the best way to deal with it is a general comment at staff meeting backed up with cameras. I know its not your job but letting this girl get awayvwith it, if it Is her, is doing her no favours, housemates in a shared house or halls won't be as forgiving.

entropynow · 22/06/2022 19:55

LilacPoppy · 22/06/2022 15:29

There is no such thing as high functioning autism please educate yourself.

Yes there is. And don't be so rude.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/06/2022 19:59

TheNoodlesIncident · 22/06/2022 19:17

If you are going to address the issue with her, notwithstanding the fact that she will leave soon regardless, then try to avoid woolliness or vague terms. Having a group staff meeting with everyone present might make Mary think you don't suspect her (if you don't state you know who the culprit is). For whatever reason in her mind she might believe that it is OK to take things as they have been donated, and she could need it to be made clear that it is still considered stealing. She may well be heading to university but many people are very academic yet still woefully short on common sense.

I would want to say to her that I had noticed things had gone missing after she had been the only person there. That taking things without reinstating them or paying for them is stealing, and the consequences of stealing are being sacked for gross misconduct and possible police involvement. You will be doing her a massive favour if you can make this all clear to her now. The reasons for her taking the items is irrelevant, she needs to understand now that it's not acceptable and in the wider world, the consequences can be very harsh.

Obviously she may well be aware of all this but believe she's not suspected, in which you would be doing her a favour making it clear that she's not unsuspected at all.

This is very good advice. Just because food is free, it doesn’t mean there is a free for all.

Braggadocio · 22/06/2022 20:07

Oldieandgoldie · 22/06/2022 19:34

This is very identifiable OP , you might want to ask that the thread is taken down.

I was thinking that. Unique, as it were.

lljkk · 22/06/2022 20:09

It sounds like your first choice is that she stops the food thieving & keeps job for now. So I'm minded to say... talk to her privately, say you suspect she's been nicking some food. Whether she or someone else is the food thief, the stealing is very upsetting to you and totally out of keeping with the FBk charity purpose. It wouldn't be acceptable from any staff member. Whoever has been nicking the food, you want them to stop & you don't want to escalate to asking them to leave.

You can say all that without making it about her as a person, just about someone' s behaviour you want to immediately stop.

it doesn't matter so much if she confesses or not, if she's innocent or not, you've said something completely reasonable & also told her exactly what she needs to do next.

entropynow · 22/06/2022 20:14

Bollindger · 22/06/2022 17:08

You don't need to blame her, instead do this.

Put up a sign in the stores cupboard.
Stock is not for consummation.
Please be mindful of this fact, Thank you.

Don't say 'consummation' though. That means something quite different 😂

EDmother · 22/06/2022 20:16

This so reminds me of my teenage daughter with eating disorder. We have plenty of treats at home, but will still "steal" biscuits etc from siblings/cupboard deny all knowledge of it. Or just get a whole bar of chocolate and finish it all on her own. She gets plenty of pocket money so that is also not an issue
Binge eating a real problem

whynotwhatknot · 22/06/2022 21:04

jesus christ if this was a shop like tesco etc she'd be sacked all this pussyfooting around ooh u cant do this and that yes you can

Stomacharmeleon · 22/06/2022 21:11

@UndertheCedartree exactly.... what's the alternative if you aren't? Two have my sons have autism and are very different.

dawngreen · 22/06/2022 21:59

Why not use a camera? then you know for sure what happens.

OneFrenchEgg · 22/06/2022 22:35

Is it really obvious you can't eat the food? I'm not being obtuse but at 19 and autistic I'm not sure I would have thought eating a bar of chocolate at a food bank was a big deal. So is it spelt out, are there separate staff snacks/food bank items sections.

Cherrysoup · 22/06/2022 23:09

2bazookas · 22/06/2022 16:01

"Mary, I had a tip-off that someone has been stealing supplies from us, so I've been keeping a close eye on the stock. I'm afraid it's true. we have a thief. So I've had a secret camera put up".

I’d go further. ‘Mary, someone has been stealing, so I put up a secret camera last week. I’m really disappointed in what I saw. Care to explain?’

DirtyteaCup · 22/06/2022 23:47

Cherrysoup · 22/06/2022 23:09

I’d go further. ‘Mary, someone has been stealing, so I put up a secret camera last week. I’m really disappointed in what I saw. Care to explain?’

And will you be footing the legal bill when she takes action?

Siepie · 23/06/2022 00:09

whynotwhatknot · 22/06/2022 21:04

jesus christ if this was a shop like tesco etc she'd be sacked all this pussyfooting around ooh u cant do this and that yes you can

This. Stealing from your workplace is clearly unacceptable. It's not like she's made an error around some complicated legislation or something. "Do not steal" is a basic rule in every workplace - and society at large.

While you mustn't break the law (hidden cameras etc), I don't think you need to tread as lightly as some posters are suggesting.

pixie5121 · 23/06/2022 00:17

God, some of the comments are infuriating.

It's fairly common for autistic girls/women to have eating disorders. I don't think it's unlikely that she's been bingeing. It would be very hard for someone bulimic or with a binge eating disorder to be around stuff like chocolate bars. I have a friend who goes into a trance-type state and just eats everything she has in the house, and then cries for hours, hating herself.

Obviously it doesn't make it OK to steal, but if it's her, she might well be ashamed and mortified. I would be very careful about how I approached this. Autism is a disability, 'high functioning' or not. She is vulnerable.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 23/06/2022 08:33

pixie5121 · 23/06/2022 00:17

God, some of the comments are infuriating.

It's fairly common for autistic girls/women to have eating disorders. I don't think it's unlikely that she's been bingeing. It would be very hard for someone bulimic or with a binge eating disorder to be around stuff like chocolate bars. I have a friend who goes into a trance-type state and just eats everything she has in the house, and then cries for hours, hating herself.

Obviously it doesn't make it OK to steal, but if it's her, she might well be ashamed and mortified. I would be very careful about how I approached this. Autism is a disability, 'high functioning' or not. She is vulnerable.

I agree with what you're saying but the young man I know definitely knows what's wrong (e.g. stealing) and what's not (not stealing). In fact he almost took things to extremes sometimes when he lived near me and had police cars being called for perceived crimes (they weren't!).

Also OP has no idea that this young woman does have an eating disorder and if she does, she obviously needs medical intervention. So her stealing may mean that this is brought to the healthcare professionals attention.