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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS sports day was odd and not really in the spirit of inclusion?

283 replies

Notbeinfunnehbut · 22/06/2022 13:59

Me and DH and DM attended DS sports day yesterday
it was very hot and it wasn’t set out like a traditional sports day I.e activities each team goes round
mall kids were seated , activities did happen but certain kids from each team were read out and all other kids remained seated , there were children who took part in multiple races , and some none my son did 1! Being stood in a sun trap for over 2 hours to see him do one race at the end 😡

like I said some kids did nothing,

I asked him and he said teachers asked kids which ones they wanted to do instead

AIBU to think the whole point of SD is that everyone takes part??

OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 22/06/2022 15:43

Did anyone on MN like sports day?

MerryMarigold · 22/06/2022 15:44

OP, it sounds like a rubbish sports day. My DC primary competed in teams and there were no obvious 'winner' or losers at each event (eg. How many beanbags in baskets, counted overall) - so not directly competing. Obviously there was an overall team winning out of the 4 'houses'.

HopelesslyOptimistic · 22/06/2022 15:45

Justthisonceharold · 22/06/2022 14:30

Imagine really struggling at English at school. One day everyone in your school and their parents will come to school and watch you struggle right in front of them. You know you can't read or write very well, but hey ho, you've just got to do it anyway, knowing you will be the worst. That's what sports day is like for some children.

I can remember the obstacle race when I was about 7. My feet got all mixed up in the hoops we had to step through. Everyone, the parents, the teachers and other children were laughing at me. I could still cry for the child I was at that moment.

Oh bless

ladydimitrescu · 22/06/2022 15:45

Much better to be asked rather than forced to participate - YABVVVVU.

sasparilla1 · 22/06/2022 15:46

I voted YABU as I hate that everyone is forced to take part in sports day. I hated it and my youngest ds is awaiting his dyspraxia diagnosis and he hates it too. He's actually pleased that he's sprained his ankle and isn't allowed to take part! Otherwise I would probably have given him the day off to be honest.

YANBU unreasonable to expect the school to have communicated this to you so that your expectations were managed, and you could decide if/when to attend. As a working mum, that's a valuable days annual leave.

TokenGinger · 22/06/2022 15:47

This was always the case when I was at school in the 90s. We would choose which races we wanted to do, and if we didn't want to do any, we get involved by holding the finish line, or putting the spoons and eggs out etc.

I think it's great not to force children to partake in a competitive sport in front of an audience if they don't want to.

BlueBox81 · 22/06/2022 15:47

They do this at my kids school and I don't like it! I understand that not all kids like sports but not all kids like maths but they have to do it! I don't see how letting them opt out because they won't win really teaches resilience. Also like you say annoying when they invite you to watch, you take time off work and your kid doesn't even participate.

MargaretThursday · 22/06/2022 15:51

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/06/2022 14:30

Much prefer the round robin style races dd had in primary. Everyone in dd’s team and those around seemed to be happy and feel included as it was a team effort rather than shaming the ones rubbish at it. Plus there were slowed interspersed activities others could do well in.

I was rubbish at the typical sports day events so found it embarrassing and excruciating and would have much preferred the style at dd’s primary. She otoh is good and still enjoyed it.

I used to hate the round robin more than coming last in every race because I felt I was letting the team down. Only once did a child say that to me (and he didn't make me feel particularly bad as he was no better than me) but I always felt it.

However my one triumph at sports' day was winning the egg and spoon race. They couldn't find an egg (ping pong ball) for me so gave me a bean bag instead. I won, unsurprisingly.

FawnFrenchieMum · 22/06/2022 15:51

Justthisonceharold · 22/06/2022 14:30

Imagine really struggling at English at school. One day everyone in your school and their parents will come to school and watch you struggle right in front of them. You know you can't read or write very well, but hey ho, you've just got to do it anyway, knowing you will be the worst. That's what sports day is like for some children.

I can remember the obstacle race when I was about 7. My feet got all mixed up in the hoops we had to step through. Everyone, the parents, the teachers and other children were laughing at me. I could still cry for the child I was at that moment.

My DS feels like that most days in school! Sports day is his time to shine!

CampervanKween · 22/06/2022 15:52

We had ours today. Year 5. Each child chose a couple of events to enter. The winner got a gold medal sticker, 2nd a silver and 3rd bronze. As in the real world. Points for houses were also totted up. I really enjoyed it and the kids seemed to as well. Love a good old fashioned competitive sportsday

Fairislefandango · 22/06/2022 15:52

Schools can't win with sports day. Whatever they do, different parents will variously complain about it being too competitive, not competitive enough, too hot, too rainy, on the wrong day, aimed at the wrong students etc etc.

My non-sporty dd always loved sports day at secondary school (on the rare years it wasn't cancelled due to bad weather). Extremely half-heartedly take part in one event, spend the rest of the day chilling in the sunshine with your friends!

StationaryMagpie · 22/06/2022 15:53

Sounds like the perfect way to do it... my kids school used to ask them to pick 1 thing from each discipline to have a go at in track and field, and they competed for their houses, not personal gain.. it made it much more fun/inclusive as i have disabled kids who could pick something they liked.. like the egg and spoon race and the hop/skip/jump, or javelin.

I have vivid memories of being forced to participate in the school cross country thing every year and loathing it.... kids should be encouraged to try stuff, then be left alone to do other sports if the don't like it.. i HATE running, but would gladly play any raquet sport or netball all day.

DjoChateaux · 22/06/2022 16:01

HairyDad · 22/06/2022 14:32

I don't agree with that approach at all. If they don't want to take part, this should be confirmed with the child and parent beforehand so that they can sit inside and do drawing or something. At my son's school, everyone takes part, it is just like a PE lesson i.e. you take part unless you've got a medical note to say otherwise. Letting them decide to dip in/out as they please is not teaching them about decision making and inclusion IMHO. Later down the line I htink it breeds problems such as they decide they don't want to do a certain lesson (PE is very common for this as they reach puberty). When you're in a job, you can't pick and choose what you do. Best teach them that as early as possible. I know a lot of teens who now think that everything should be based on whether they fancy it or not, and they end up making poor decisions becasue they are lazy or anxious about a certain subject and end up dipping out. It doesn't help them in the long run. If they have a real problem with something, it shout be sorted out, discussed, and their other strengths nurtured, but a lot of the time it's because they don't want to bother unless they win or excel. Life is not about winning, it's about doing your best. And you can't do your best if you don't take part

Sounds like you don't really have a clue. Probably were the one bullying the less sporty kids at school as well.

LikeAStar1994 · 22/06/2022 16:05

This reply has been withdrawn

We've withdrawn this post as it's been posted in error on the wrong thread.

LikeAStar1994 · 22/06/2022 16:08

Sorry. Wrong thread.

LorW · 22/06/2022 16:09

Much prefer it this way, that way kids don’t get laughed at and feel shit about themselves for not being sporty, every child has their own strengths.

Hallyup89 · 22/06/2022 16:13

They do this at our high school. Kids sign up for whatever events they want to take part in. My autistic daughter always hated it so did nothing every year. Nobody ever said anything about it. She even went in her uniform when everyone else was in sports kits.

Some kids just hate sports and are humiliated by being forced to come last in everything. Nothing wrong with a little compassion.

Hm2020 · 22/06/2022 16:17

My sons was last week and was set out the same he chose to do 2 the temp was 28 he was much happier sitting under a gazebo. They all cheered the other kids and got really into who was going to win. Much better then being forced to do something your shit at and everyone laughs afterwards.

smallbeetle · 22/06/2022 16:30

Notbeinfunnehbut · 22/06/2022 14:11

Primary, he probably should have said I’m only doing one but yeah it did seem to be the same kids again and again, surely the already sporty kids aren’t the ones who need the encouragement?

How does being forced to take part in a competitive activity you don’t enjoy and are crap at, to publicly fail at it, ‘encourage’ kids to be active/ sporty?

School sport almost put me off activity for life. Luckily, I stumbled by accident over active stuff I did like as an adult.

I think letting kids do what they want or sitting it out is a much better idea.

I actually bunked off school one primary school sports day just so that I didn’t have to be ‘encouraged’ by being forced to do a race.

smallbeetle · 22/06/2022 16:36

BlueBox81 · 22/06/2022 15:47

They do this at my kids school and I don't like it! I understand that not all kids like sports but not all kids like maths but they have to do it! I don't see how letting them opt out because they won't win really teaches resilience. Also like you say annoying when they invite you to watch, you take time off work and your kid doesn't even participate.

But the obvious difference is that you are not forced to be crap at maths in front of the entire school and everyone’s parents!

A maths lesson is literally nothing like sports day!

SherbertLemonDrop · 22/06/2022 16:39

My son wants to stay home on sports day rather then refuse to join in and get a detention. He has autism and is a clumsy tall boy who hates sports and hates being watched. His is next month and is already causing him anxiety. He'd love your schools system but I do see your point. I'd like him to join in but he won't and will get told off. I think he will be ill that day he'd gain nothing from it apart from stress.

AmISpeakingAnotherLanguage · 22/06/2022 16:46

Didn’t you ask him what races he was doing?

Mine is apparently doing obstacle and relay on Friday, he put his hand up for those races.

BogRollBOGOF · 22/06/2022 16:48

I like the format at my DCs' school where the class is in 4 groups for each event. More winners, and the most inept child in the class isn't left there looking like a prat while the rest of the class charged off at breakneck speed voice of experience
It still gives a meaningful sense of competition, but isn't as intense as the whole class format I suffered. At least there's lots of other opportunities for others to lose rather than being The Worst.

Where children genuinely struggle, offering constructive support roles (time keeping, recording, measuring) is a good way of involving them without performance pressure.

Sitting and picking daisies for the afternoon is a bit of a waste of time really. I hated spectating too. Why should I cheer people who were competent and wouldn't blink about insulting my lack of prowess; hopefully fewer schools encourage tolerate that now. In adulthood, I've come to enjoy doing individual non-competitive sport, but I've little interest in watching others do it and tbh don't process what they're doing very well anyway, things like keeping travk of the score or working out who did what.

I really hope teachers now ask if the new girl with no friends can skip before humiliating her in front of 200+ people and sending her back out to collect the stupid rope she dumped before stomping off to the finish because everyone else had already finished.

StaunchMomma · 22/06/2022 16:56

I wish my DS's school asked who wanted to participate in sports day. Would have saved us an evening of tears & begging to be allowed to stay off school.

Your son mustn't have opted into many races, OP. That's not really the school's fault.

Lots of children dread sports day and they don't really learn much from it so I think your son's school has it right.

Baggyeye · 22/06/2022 16:58

I understand where you are coming from. My DC don't like public speaking so never put their hands up for the larger speaking roles but they will never become more confident at public speaking unless they do so. You need the teachers to encourage them to do things a bit outside their comfort zone. That said I also would hate them being put in a position where they were made to so something that upset them. So I think all the teachers can do is encourage the pupils to have a go but ultimately its for the children to choose. In defence of the school, they are running multiple races with multiple children it must be hard to organise. It isn't their fault it is a heatwave.

DC1 is not a natural sportsperson so I was actually even more proud that they put themselves forward & lost competed in lots of races with a massive smile on their face! I would hate running against people faster than me! @Notbeinfunnehbut ask your DC which races they like & encourage your DC to sign up for more races next time.