Weekend away after nursery start

[Stigo]

Long time lurker, first time asker…
Just want others’ thoughts on this one.
My LO (8 mo) had just started his settling days at nursery. One hour a day this week; two hours a day next week. The following week he’ll be starting full time (7.30-17.30 Monday - Thursday).
DP friend is getting married the weekend after the first full week and we were planning to leave LO with his parents.
The thing is… he hasn’t been particularly settled at his settling days (I know it’s early days!) and I think it may take him a while to get on an even keel. I’m feeling increasingly unsure of the decision to leave him with his grandparents over the weekend.
For context, he’s with me or DP 24/7 usually. His grandparents are lovely but not very confident with him as we haven’t really left him completely alone with them before (whenever we have left the room and he’s become unsettled, they’ve always handed him back to us!).
I have suggested that I stay at home that weekend instead as I think it will be difficult for LO to cope from going to 24/7 with one of us to four days in nursery, then without us over the weekend, then straight back to nursery. DP thinks they will have to look after him alone at some point so why not over that weekend/he’s concerned about me missing the wedding and cancelling short notice.
AIBU?

(Just for a bit of context)…
Would have no issues if one of us were at home. I’ve been away for the weekend before (and DP too) and LO has barely noticed! My main issue is that we’d both be away at the same time and he’s never done a long stretch with someone without one of there. Going by his reaction to nursery, it’s not very enjoyable for him 😣.
Sorry for blabbering on!

I think there's a big difference between having several short sessions with people he doesn't know in a place he isn't familiar with to being with your parents for a consistent length of time. He will also have 100% of your parents attention which he wouldn't have in nursery. He will settle and they will also settle into have g him because they know he is with them for a long period. His grandparents have raised at least one child, they will be okay looking after your little one too! Go and have a nice time!

I wouldn't. But I didn't send mine to nursery either so I wasn't used to be apart from them.

Sorry I misread, your leaving your DC with his parents but the point remains the same :)

I think you should try leaving DC with grandparents for a few hours. And then for one night. See how that goes. I wouldn't go from nothing to a whole weekend (2 nights or 1? Either way it's likely to be more than 24h?)

It's unfortunate timing and I probably wouldn't choose to leave DC for a whole weekend after their first full week at nursery. It'll be really hard for him and I expect you'll miss him a lot, too.

Presumably your DP will have friends at the wedding? And presumably DC is not invited? In which case I would do as you've suggested and stay home with DC, personally.

He will be absolutely fine, go ahead and enjoy it

i also think it would be a little off to pull out of a wedding at such short notice for such a reason

Can you delay the full start to nursery? The grandparents definitely need a trial run for you to feel happy to go to the wedding.

Nursery is doing very long settling sessions. I’ve started 2 at 2 different nurseries and they were both up to full days by day 3. An hour isn’t even long enough for them work out where they are so no wonder LO isn’t settling yet. By the end of the first full week I’m sure they will be into the swing of it and it’ll be absolutely fine. However, whatever is going on with nursery I still don’t think it is particularly relevant when you’re talking about leaving him with grandparents he knows well and a house he is familiar with. I’d go to the wedding.

I agree about the settling in sessions. Seems a bit strange. For babies going 4/5 days a week, our nursery has the following settling in schedule:
Mon: 1 hour with parent staying
Tue: 1 hour without parent
Wed: 2 hours
Thu: 3.5 hours (including lunch)
Fri: 5 hours
Then full days from the following Monday.

Thank you for all the replies! Great to have other opinions!

Sorry, should have mentioned, we’re leaving on Saturday morning and coming back Sunday afternoon. DP is going to take LO to his parents on Friday and we’re going to sleep over. A kind of settling in at theirs I suppose!

@TheMagicPudding , yes, you’re totally right re the grandparents and they DO
dote on him. My only concern is that they have never really had him alone before. The one time they had a (full day) practise run, they said he was really unsettled and DP kept having to pop his head in (he was working from their house). I suppose they will have to do it sometime (would be nice to go out for the evening!) just not sure if this is the right time IYSWIM…

I also think the settling in is bonkers and just drawing it out. Mine were both on full days on Day 3 too.
In the nicest possible way unless you're going to pack your job in, your baby will just need to get used to being away from you. You knew your plans and you've had all this time to prepare by leaving him with grandparents for short periods of time but haven't done anything about it so 🤷

To pull out of a Wedding this short notice would be a really shitty thing to do - they'll have paid for you and finalised printing their table plan etc by now.

@bro101 . Wish we could skip nursery for a while too! Was quite looking forward to going back to work until it got a little more real.

@DecentPleasant . I wish! Have to go back to work at the start of July!

@ShirleyPhallus . I know you’re probably right! He’s always fine in the end! Just fear it’s going to be super unsettling for him 😢!

@RandomQuest , @NameChange30 . Agreed, I think the settling sessions are a bit off myself. They’re also very keen on short goodbyes (had the door slammed in my face on the first day 🙄). Do you reckon it’s worth asking to extend them a bit next week..?

@MaryShelley1818
You’re right of course. Though in fairness, we did try to leave him overnight with them before and they refused as they didn’t feel ready. This is also something that makes me a little uneasy.

It's usual for it to be a short goodbye, they need to get on with looking after the kids. I would ask for longer settling in sessions personally. By the time you've dropped them off it's almost time to go again.

You could ask nursery if there is any logic behind their settling in schedule and if they think it would be beneficial to change it a bit eg increasing hours gradually, as 2 hours to a full day does seem a bit much.

The grandparents don't sound confident enough to have baby for the length of time you'll be gone (sounds a bit more than 24h?) so for that reason I wouldn't. Every parent is different and leaving your baby for the first time is always hard but it has to be someone reassuring (we'll be fine, we'll have a lovely time, we'll send you photos, of course we'll call you if we need to but I'm sure we won't, etc) that you can have confidence in. Otherwise I would not feel comfortable doing it personally.

Mine did 2 hours on day 1, lunch on day 2, full day on day 3. So really quick and absolutely no issues. You could chat to them about speeding it up if you wanted to. The quick handover at drop off though is likely in LOs interest- even pre Covid with my eldest they didn’t like parents hanging around because generally they don’t settle until you’re gone.

@NameChange30 . Agreed re the grandparents! I’m going to see them tomorrow so might just explain the situation and get their thoughts. LO and DP are spending the weekend there this weekend (I have to go visit my dad who’s got dementia; I want to have some time with him one on one without LO adding to the concision). Might be a good idea to do a trial run then with DP available nearby but not present..?

And will definitely ask about the settling in sessions @NameChange30 / @SandyWedges. Thanks for the suggestion.

*confusion not concision 🙃

This is another consideration - nursery sickness - I don't think my children managed a whole week in their first month without being sent home due to sickness.

I am probably being very pessimistic but I am currently off work sick with a bug the children brought home from nursery