School event issues

[Mummyof287]

Our school had a summer fete on Friday (hottest day of the year!) and I had offered (alongside several others) to help set up abit before hand.I had already said that I couldn't help during the event as I had my young daughters to look after during it, which she seemed fine with.

Fast forward to that lunchtime, I realised just how hot it was and that it wasn't going to be fair having my 7mo baby sat out in her pushchair in that heat to set up (I thought it was all in the open sun) She was also quite irritable and clingy that day and feeding lots, so I didn't really think I would be much use when I'd have to keep tending to her (Admittedly I probably should have thought that through more before offering to help)

So I sent an apologetic message to the chief organiser saying the above. I said in the message that I would help with the upcoming sports day instead if needed, as my husband would be off that day so I could leave baby with him.She saw it but never replied, despite being active in the group chat.
I then turned up at the fete and apologise again to one of the organisers running one of the stalls saying I felt bad as I was going to help set up but baby was unsettled in the heat and I wanted to limit the amount of time I had her out in it, which she didn't respond to.

I think maybe because I was at the fete but didn't help set up they thought 'So she can come and enjoy it but not help set up for it' but my 5yo daughter was really keen to go along with her friend, and to set up AND attend it would have meant being out in the heat for a couple of hours.As it was we didn't stay that long at the fete due to the heat, and luckily there was actually a gazebo to sit under for shade, which I hadn't realised beforehand.

I saw the chief organiser going in the school gate this morning and i'm pretty sure she saw me but totally ignored me, when normally she would always say hello.

There is a meeting this week and I'm debating whether to go, or even bother being part of the school committee from September, as it feels quite unkind and unfair the way they are being.
I probably shouldn't have signed up for it but I didnt really understand the role but do try to help where I can and have helped at an event not long ago with the setting up and packing away.

Wwyd....am I being unreasonable here? :-/

They where depending on you, it would have been best to ask someone else to mind your child or not offer in the first place. Cancelling on the day gave then zero chance to find a replacement.

If you are interested in helping, you should still go, but maybe go in understanding that they might be a bit cool until you turn up for something. Was this the first event you'd volunteered to help with?

If you've never been part of a volunteer group, it can be hard to understand how flakey people are generally, and how many will say they'd be up for helping but then never do. It's particularly irking when promised help drops out at the last minute as it can really affect the logistics of events. It's possible the organiser had turned down others because she thought she had enough people (and too many is every bit as bad as not enough) and then had several people duck 'because of the heat', leaving her in a real jam.

Of course you were right to prioritise your child, but it will have been annoying for them to be let down, causing extra work and stress for those who did show up and, yes, when you turned up later to the fete, it will have looked exactly as you think it does. You're looking for them to have replied to say, 'don't worry, it's okay, it doesn't matter' but that may not be true!

I think, if you do want to help, you need to be clearer about what you can commit to. With a baby, it's perfectly understandable that you'll be very limited as to what you can do, so don't be frightened of saying no.

Organizing a school fate is a massive amount of work. She is probably still dealing with stuff from the fete, and hasn't got as far as sports day yet.

Be realistic about what you can do to help in the future, but if you can help (and do what you say you will do) you will be a great help to all the kids at the school.

In all honesty, it's probably not about you. Fetes are so much work to set up and deal with that your flakiness will be taking up 0.005% of the organiser(s) concentration at the moment.

YABU for dropping out on the day especially when you then turned up for the event

It takes so much work to put events together and for someone to pick up your slack and then seeing you enjoy the benefits of their hard work, I can see why they are pissed off

You can continue to volunteer but I would expect them to think of you as a flake until you actually show up for something

I would be pissed off to be honest if you could still turn up but not help out.

It was the hottest day in the year for everyone and you left them in the lurch lugging stuff around and expected a warm welcome after offering to help? I wouldn't be at all impressed if I was the organiser. It's not like they're not volunteers too

I would have rolled my eyes at your message, your baby would have been fine in the pushchair, create some shade etc, and yeah to then turn up would have pissed me off

Well a little but yabu, you can see why she would be annoyed...If there are no-shows, it makes the hard work so much worse for the people who organise and those who do show up. Im sure you can imagine she was baking hot and stressed trying to sort it all out.

I think, go to the meeting and apologise again and be honest that you didn't consider in advance arranging backup childcare in case you couldnt bring your baby too. Say you are very sorry and feel awful about letting them down. You will be forgiven.

Yanbu for wanting to keep your baby indoors in the peak hours of such a baking hot day.

Don't stick your hand up for anything in future unless you are certain you can deliver!

It's not like 30deg+ temperatures were forecast in advance.....oh no...wait.....!!!

Yes YABU

Everyone knew about the weather for that day at least a few days before. Why didn't you let them know then? I think it was really bad to drop them on the day and then turn up to enjoy the fete. Maybe leave the volunteering for a bit because you are now relying on your dh to babysit, what if he can't on the day?

I’m very relaxed usually but even I think that YABU. You should have still come and offered help inside instead or just did as much as you could, you coming afterwards looked very strange. School fetes are headache for organisers. Saying this I think you should go to the meeting and apologize again ( make it official apology to register in the meetings) and stick to your commitments better next time. We all have been at some point and at some degree in your shoes, they won’t eat you alive.

Sorry I meant in the minutes

Yes they are annoyed with you.

Having done PTA for years at primary school it's a bloody hard and thankless task. Very few actually put themselves out and help. You bailed for reasons important to you but really your youngest would have been fine. Better to have turned up and done whatever you could and if youngest DD was clingy at least you showed willing.

One of the most annoying parts is giving up your entire day (plus dragging your kids with you all day, poor kids of PTA parents...), struggling to find helpers or volunteers and then seeing all the people who couldn't be arsed helping, swanning by you and enjoying the event. Bonus points if they later speak to you complaining about the fair/day/disco or whatever it was you've given days of your time to enable.

Either commit or pull out.

YABU and flaky.

It was a hot day for them too!

Letting people down last minute for other than say something requiring hospital treatment is never going to go down well.

Thanks for all the replies- it has been good to consider from an objective perspective how the others may have seen it, and I realise that they are probably entitled to be rather annoyed, about me letting them down at the last minute not helping and seeing me still going to the fete.It wouldn't have been safe and responsible parenting to have baby sitting out in the full sun, however I should have anticipated the heatwave and perhaps asked if there would be anywhere shady to leave her.I guess i was just overthinking being judged for either not tending to her enough/not helping enough etc but should probably have just gone along and tried.

I think I might have to either pull out of the committee, or tell them that i won't be able to help at events going forwards, as I think I'm both causing them stress by not being able to commit to helping on a regular and consistent basis, and also putting unnecessary pressure on myself because by being part of the committee I feel obliged to try and help out and volunteer for things, but then get myself in abit of a pickle with it all.I am returning to work in the autumn anyhow so will have even less time, and as youngest DD becomes a toddler, helping will become even more difficult.

I joined with good intentions, not quite realising how much volunteering it involved, but in hindsight it probably wasn't the best of decisions at the current time.