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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wrong name

17 replies

Barnard2022 · 21/06/2022 21:27

Hi, new poster but long time poster.

My boyfriend and I of 2 years were discussing plans for the weekend & decided to have some family over for dinner. He phoned the family members to invite them but referred to me by his ex-wife’s name. Initially I laughed it off, but I’m actually quite upset now. His reaction also didn’t help, he’s been virtually silent (he did immediately apologise) and is now sat in a different room.

For clarity, him and ex-wife separated 4.5 yrs ago. One child, very amicable.

AIBU to think this is a big deal & be upset?

OP posts:
FiveHoursAleep · 21/06/2022 21:29

Yabu. It was a mistake. He was with her a long time and has a kid with her.

KangarooKenny · 21/06/2022 21:30

To be honest, I think it’s probably a genuine mistake. It happens more and more as you get older.
I call the kids the dogs name, and the dogs the kids name.

changingroom · 21/06/2022 21:31

My mum still calls my step dad by my dad's name. They have been separated 20 years. Mum married to step dad for 14 years.

Honestly it means nothing. I occasionally call DD by my sister's name, it is just a slip up. Try not to dwell on it.

flashpaper · 21/06/2022 21:32

I'm super lucky because my DP is so chilled and laid back about these things, but I've done it to him before. It's so easy, it's just a slip of the tongue, especially if they'd been together a long time. I'm much more careful of doing it now but because it's on my mind, I'm so scared of it happening again. He probably feels the same. He's probably kicking himself, feels awful, and is terrified of repeating the mistake.

Saying that, if he did it to me, I'd be super upset so I can absolutely understand where you're coming from. YANBU to be upset, OP, but it probably didn't come from him longing for her or anything like that.

EntertainingandFactual · 21/06/2022 21:33

Ask him why he is silent and in another room.

Is he embarrassed/ mortified?
Is he unsure how to make it right?
Is he hiding away because thinks you’re mad at him?

Original poster
Barnard2022 · 21/06/2022 21:33

Thanks everyone, that’s really reassuring and makes me feel a lot better.

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 21/06/2022 21:40

Reminds me of when I signed a bunch of Christmas presents to my family as being from me and ex's name instead of my now DH. Luckily he saw the funny side Grin I was just on autopilot I think.

Seraphinesupport · 21/06/2022 21:56

yabu, i call my kids the wrong name sometimes. Autopilot and just a names poops out without me thinking about it

MissMaple82 · 21/06/2022 21:58

I called my cat who I've had for many years, the name of an old cat I'd had many years ago the other day, no idea where it came from, it just slipped out - memories and brains are complex things, think nothing of it. He's probably gone quiet because he's embarrassed

downtonupton · 22/06/2022 01:20

EntertainingandFactual · 21/06/2022 21:33

Ask him why he is silent and in another room.

Is he embarrassed/ mortified?
Is he unsure how to make it right?
Is he hiding away because thinks you’re mad at him?

this is the thing to discuss....

I call DS the dog's name and vice versa - the wrong name happens sometimes - his reaction seems to be the bigger issue

brokengoalposts · 22/06/2022 02:53

I use wrong names regularly, I've been known to refer to myself as my old surname from 18 years ago. It means nothing.

IJoinedJustForThisThread · 22/06/2022 08:28

I often (accidentally) call my niece by their dog’s name. My OH’s mother sometimes calls him by his sister’s name.

HumptyDumpty2022 · 22/06/2022 08:38

Fortunately this has never happened to me, but as DH literally loathes his ex wife and things are not amicable it’s unlikely.
I think we’d laugh it off if he ever did.

Musti · 22/06/2022 08:38

I’ve nearly called my ex by my boyfriend’s name and vice versa. Wouldn’t want him if he was the last man on earth. It’s just your brains shortcuts . Doesn’t mean anything.

SausageAndCash · 22/06/2022 08:45

Also…his brain may have clicked into an old auto pilot message.. this is what I say when inviting family for lunch.

It really doesn’t mean anything about your relationship.

PipeScatter · 22/06/2022 09:22

My FIL still calls me by my DH's ex's name. I've been with DH 15 years. He was with his ex 5 years. FIL likes me but hated the ex, so I have no idea why he still gets muddled! I used to be upset about it in the beginning, but after 15 years I realise it's his face/name memory issue and nothing about me personally.

Your DP is probably really embarrassed and knows he's upset you, hence why he's keeping out of the way.

PipeScatter · 22/06/2022 09:24

MissMaple82 · 21/06/2022 21:58

I called my cat who I've had for many years, the name of an old cat I'd had many years ago the other day, no idea where it came from, it just slipped out - memories and brains are complex things, think nothing of it. He's probably gone quiet because he's embarrassed

I have a sick cat at the moment and as soon as she's become sick I keep calling her by the old cat's name! I think it's the correlation of vet trips and the last time I spent any prolonged time there was when my last cat died.

We all do it - it's just a bit more sensitive when it's an ex's name.

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