I feel so hurt- please help

[Lollypop98]

Hi,

I have been dating a man for a while who lives very local to me. I’ve had a really tough day today and have felt so down. I struggle with anxiety and depression. Just had a really hard day.

My car key fell apart as well so wasn’t working properly too and I couldn’t lock my car which I asked if he would be able to help me with. I messaged him to ask if I could come and see him for a little while as he was back from work as I just needed someone to talk too. He knew I was upset. He said ‘I have lots of work to do for tomorrow. I’m up early and working all through the day and night tomorrow’.

I asked just for half an hour. I thought maybe he cared enough to see me but no. I feel really hurt because I’d be there for him if he needed me for anything.

Oh you poor thing, what an unhelpful response. Is it possible he didn't realise how upset you were, and is stressing about the amount of work he still has to do?

To be honest you'd have felt bad if he arrived and left after half an hour. People cannot be available always when you need them and it really doesn't mean they don't care.
Best you see your GP to get proper lasting help for your depression and anxiety.
perhaps in the meantime a neighbour could help with your car?

He doesn't sound very nice. I would be wary. hope your ok. Have you got another friend you can ring/message?

On one hand I can understand that you're hurt but also... sometimes people are just busy and they don't have half an hour free. I wouldn't read that much into it.

He sound like a fair weather friend; better that you've seen it now, and either lower your expectations, or back off from him. Sorry you had to go through this.

He sounds honest - you asked and he said no. Maybe he genuinely didn’t have the time. Maybe there’s bits going on that you dont know about.

I agree you need to get some proper help for your anxiety and depression, phrases like I thought he cared enough to do x y or a seen a little manipulative.
Someone doesn’t care any more or less about you because they aren’t immediately available to you.
ive been married nearly 20 years and my husband isn’t currently available to help me with a whole load of things that need fixing doesn’t mean he doesn’t care....

These responses are just . He was busy and explained why. He could have had a very busy day himself and it wasn't alot of notice to arrange the time. Maybe try a friend?

Sorry I forgot to add he lives down the road. I know people can’t always be available but I’m knows I don’t have anyone and I just needed some help. He drove past me as well. I just feel that I’m not a priority

Sounds like you want different things...you want someone who puts you first and drops everything else, he wants someone independent who can solve their own problems. Neither is wrong but it doesn't sound like a good match.
You say you have no one - I'd focus on trying to make sure you have some friends and aren't relying on someone you don't know that well to help with things.

What is 'a while' though? Realistically, half an hour isn't going to help is it, you'll barely have got through explaining the issues. I'm increasingly of the opinion that you have to be able to cope with practical and emotional things without needing anyone to drop everything at a moment's notice (not genuine, life and death stuff obviously but a broken car key is not that). Life happens, he's explained he's busy.

How long have you been seeing each other?

Also, was the car key request separate to the request for you to come and talk to him for half an hour, or did you want him to do both at the same time?

Sorry, it's not really clear.

I know people can’t always be available but I’m knows I don’t have anyone and I just needed some help

tbh, this is a lot to put on someone you’ve only been ‘dating a while’. He’s not going to have you as a priority at this stage, nor should he, tbh.

I know people can’t always be available but I’m knows I don’t have anyone and I just needed some help

That is quite a bit of pressure to put on someone.

He's just not that into you.
I'd help a friend - but he obviously sees you as something less than even that, or he's the kind of person not to help someone in need. I don't care he's busy - if someone asks to see me because they've had a bad day or whatever, I'd find the time.

I would never use a broken key as an excuse to call someone over to see me. I would fix it myself. It's frustrating but not something to get upset about
Why are you using that as a test of his loyalty!? If you set up tests and expectations like that, he's going to fail as you will trip him up at some point. Try not to be so needy and demanding

Exactly. Posters are predictably slating this man, but it's the op who is coming across very intense and he probably knows her best and couldn't deal with it especially as he has a busy day tomorrow. I can't see anything that he did wrong here. Have you tried calling a friend op.

I don't think he was in the wrong just honest

Is this man officially your boyfriend?

In the current financial climate i doubt he could afford to lose his job, he had a lot of work he needed to do, plus to prepare for a really long work day tomorrow.
He was probably incredibly stressed about getting it all done, and early enough to get a decent nights sleep for his big work day tomorrow. He probably genuinely couldn't spare half an hour, plus be honest, how likely is it you'd have been ok with him leaving/asking you to leave after 30 minutes? If you're in the state you're describing he'd probably have felt really pressured/guilted into staying/letting you stay longer, thus not getting the work he needed done, and piling extra stress on him by unloading on him.
It is incredibly unfair of you to claim he doesn't care, it was just a day he really couldn't make time. Also, it's not fair for you to put all this pressure on him of being your only support, be it trying to make other friends or seeking help from your gp, it's not right for you to put that responsibility on him.

I think you're on different wavelengths. You must know this of people by now. You have some that like you would take time out to help do one that meant something to them...and those that don't see if that way. I think it's a lot to do with how emotional a person is.