Elderly mother and reduced mobility

[sunshinesuzy]

Hi

I've just had a visit from my lovely 81 year old mother. We live in a large UK city. She lives in a very quiet small town in a rural and sparsely populated part of the UK. This is the first time she's come to see us since the pandemic (we've been to see her several times). It's been clear to me over the last few days just how much her mobility has gone recently - she can literally only walk about 30 metres, very slowly with a stick and then she has to stop and rest. Sometimes she can't even do that - she is unable to walk more than a couple of steps.

There's no shame in this - she is 81 after all - but the issue is that she seems to be in complete denial about how restricted her mobility is. In her daily life she leads quite a quiet life and drives EVERYWHERE. It's a very small town so anywhere she needs to go she can just pull up and park right outside. But in the city its totally different. She's been keen to go places in town and its been a real struggle - I've had to ask DH to drive us places and try to drop her as near as possible, which has involved loads of driving / cheekily nipping into taxi bays etc. I tried to plan trips that I thought we doable (e.g. a garden centre) but even then, it was hard having to get the closest possible parking space and help her get across a car park.

Because here's the rub - she will not get a disabled badge for the car and will not even consider a mobility scooter. So we are stressing ourselves out trying to give her a nice trip, but she won't do anything to help herself. It also means that we are extremely restricted in what we can do - large parts of the city are just totally inaccessible as you can't get near enough by car, because she has to be pretty much right on the doorstep. I took her to a nice local park, but of course we couldn't walk round the park, we just got about 15 metres inside the gate and then stopped because she can't go any further.

She's now dead keen to come down again and is asking me about doing city trips with her to other parts of the UK and I just don't know how to deal with the issue. AIBU to tell her that I will only do one of these trips if she gets some form of mobility aid? It feels really brutal, but I just don't see what else I can say. The reality is, if she doesn't have some form of aid she wouldn't even be able to walk the length of the platform when she gets off the train.

Oh yes BTDT. We now carefully plan trips with mother that can be done without walking. We are down to spa days / boat trips / tourist bus trips. My mum needs a wheelchair frankly but she won’t hear of it.

Perhaps you should just let her see how poor her mobility is.

Why won't she get a mobility card, my brother has PD and it makes finding parking so much easier.

Of course she needs a blue badge...

How about... Mum if we get you a blue badge we can park much closer, often outside attractions... I don't think we can do trips without this, as you can't get to enjoy it... Oh look here's the form we can do now!

Blue badges are only legally required for public roads. Any attractions, shopping centres, eaterys etc you can just use the disabled spaces.

You could buy a folding wheelchair that fits in the car and say someone gave it to you. Maybe she would use it?

Many places have wheelchairs and mobility scooters for hire. A BB would make parking close so much easier though. Could you persuade her to do so for your benefit, not because she needs it!

The other thing is, are you both satisfied that there is a reason why she is now so restricted? Is it related to known medical problems, eg heart or hips or knees? Or is it general deconditioning? It may be that she can be referred for a course of rehab physio that might improve things; I imagine that increasing her walking distance from 30 m to 100 m even would make a huge difference, if it proved possible.

Some NT allow you to park close even without a BB if you ask.

Thanks for the replies- I hadn't realised you could park in disabled bays without a badge! I will also look into hiring a mobility aid. I did it once before but she found it difficult to use. But I should try again - I might need to gently force the issue.

I think I would also be thinking why is her mobility is so poor. Is it because she gets short of breath and doesn't feel she can walk any longer? Is it because of pain? Is she afraid of falling? Has it been a sudden decline or more gradual? What condition are her feet in? Is she generally frail or obese? Would another type of mobility aid help? Maybe a 4 wheeled walker for example to provide her more support and a seat if she needs it?

That's not the case, if you don't have a blue badge you will get a "parking control notice" if you park in the wrong bay. The car park can enforce its own terms and conditions., if reasonable and brought to the consumer's attention.