Would this be mean? In laws related

[Candlescuddlesandpizza]

It's dh's 40th birthday coming up. Amongst other stuff, I'd like to organise a family meal with his side of the family for him so it would be me, dh, our dc, dh's parents and sil and her dh.

Our dc are older now (teens) and so it would be nice to go somewhere nice for a meal as in not the local chain pub or Pizza Hut, nothing against them but now our dc are older we can 🤷‍♀️, sil has young dc and might not be able to get childcare.

The backstory is that when dh and I had our dc, sil was child free we were always expected to either get childcare or not go to family meals and events as it would always be late on in the evening or somewhere not child friendly followed by an adult only pub for drinks. So we were excluded from lots of things and no one ever gave us a second thought.

Since sil's dc came along it's all changed and any get togethers revolve around her and the dc and yes I am a little bitter about it.

So wibu to just organise the meal for where we want to go rather than making it a child friendly evening?

Do not go to a chain for his 40th that is just quite sad given all the sacrifices you guys made for his family over the years.

if you don’t take a stand now I doubt you ever will!

I think actually if you phrase it spot on in a "helpful" way this could be a good route to go down.

Provided you give plenty of notice, they can book a babysitter or not come. You had to do it when your kids were young - their turn!

Absolutely this.

If you're preetty certain DH would prefer the more grown up meal but is worried about being the "mean" guy, then by all means book the fancy restaurant and take the hit on yourself. You might want to make it a "surprise" meal so that no one contacts him to put pressure on him and then you just stay resolute.

Can you book somewhere nice that kids would still be welcome at? Then it's their choice whether they come with kids, without kids or not at all? It might be a bit mean to go somewhere that didn't welcome children at all.

But equally it's dh's birthday, book the place he wants to go to.

I dont think either thing would be unreasonable

Is your DHs birthday, he should do what he wants to do. If others don’t want to do that then that is ok🤷‍♀️