To not be sure of the line between teaching healthy eating vs making issues

[JuneyJune]

I find this so hard.

With DDs who aren't far from teenage years I'm finding this a tricky balance.

Currently DDs are healthy and happy and have a good diet. Naturally slim builds so will occasionally get called skinny but DH is 6'4" and 12 stone and none of his family gain weight on their arms and legs so it's just in their genetics to have that sort of "lanky" look.

I reassure them they're healthy weights and have strong bodies (as they're aware from their gymnastics/swimming)

But.

In my early teens I piled weight on. I went from a reasonably skinny kid to a chubby teen. Looking back it's not much of a surprise as food wasn't great quality (very 90s)

Equally my mum and grandma were diet/weight obsessed and never stopped about weight loss/diets so I could tell that to them me being a size 14/16 was horrendous. Lots of talk about what I ate etc. (I've since gotten a lot healthier now a size 10/12 but don't make a huge deal of avoiding food etc just that I don't snack)

So of course I'm VERY aware of how I talk to my DDs in regards to food.

But where is the line between not making a big deal of food/body shape and encouraging healthy lifestyles.

For example yesterday they were hot when we got in from school so had an ice lolly each.

Then an hour later we popped into MILs and she offered the kids an ice cream. They said they'd already had a lolly and looked at me and I said they were right that they'd already had a sugary snack and it wasn't long until dinner.

MIL acted as if stopping them from having the ice cream was cruel of me. And I can tell she thinks I'm going to force them into eating disorders.

Sort of feel like I can't do right for doing wrong with them.

Sounds like you've got the balance right, OP - you're teaching moderation and the ability to self-monitor without going overboard or making a big thing of it. It's not just about weight - too much sugar is bad for teeth too.

I think your response to the ice cream was very sensible. You've had something sugary, now no more before dinner. Sounds like moderation rather than restriction

You were right in your scenario. They’d already had a lolly. That’s teaching them moderation and balance so don’t doubt yourself.

You have definitely got that balance right. Your DDs knew that it was likely to be too much so checked with you first. Regardless of calorie intake too much sugar is really bad in more ways than we ever acknowledge. Much worse than too much fat imho.

Thanks all.

Came back to add that if it was a special party/holiday etc then I'm in no way strict.

But a Monday after school in my opinion one lolly is plenty.

Just got that "those poor kids have to check with their mum and can't just dig in" vibe from MIL.

She's a feeder though and when I know we need to pop over I'll say "we're going to Nana's so would you rather wait" as there's always a house full of treats but yesterday she needed help with something so didn't pre plan.

Also I think because in contrast DBILs kids have whatever they want whenever they want we look extra strict.

I also wonder about this. But I seem to do the same approach as you, no you can't have one you've already had x today. Or we're eating in an hour, you don't need a snack, have a glass of water and go and do y.

We don't talk about weight loss as such, but we do talk about needing to do more sport, eat a bit more healthily than we have been etc. Focusing on the positives(?) rather than focusing on being too fat or wanting to lose weight.

Also I think because in contrast DBILs kids have whatever they want whenever they want we look extra strict.
We've also had this. DC have cottoned on to this though and I did have to role play with them how to refuse their aunt because they were railroaded into eating so much they were sick on the way home.

Thanks. Will continue with what we do.