AIBU about husband's latest eating phase

[WhatAPickle11]

Where do I start?
So my ds has a long term anxiety problem. He's seen a variety of Gps, counsellors and a psychiatrist over the years. He's got a sensitive (nervous) stomach and psoriasis. Both of these things have been checked out but have gone on for years. From what I see, the underlying cause for all his symptoms is anxiety. No other cause has ever been found medically. DH lives on his nerves, he's very restless, doesn't sleep well. He was put on citalopram at the start of the year. Literally after the first day, he said it had worked, then he felt anxious again so got the dosage increased. Now a few months later, he claims there's no effect at all and is taking himself off it.

So his latest thing, after doing his own internet research, dh has decided that his stomach and skin could be due to gluten and lectins. So he's decided (as of yesterday) to cut out all gluten (even gf products), peas, peanut butter, porridge, rice, pasta, bread, white potatoes, etc. There's a long list. Of course, maybe those foods could be provoking things for DH but he hasn't been diagnosed with a food intolerance. I've offered to pay privately for him to see someone (maybe a dermatologist for his skin and go from there) but DH is reluctant to do this.

So today he didn't have breakfast or eat anything until he got home from work at 4pm. He then had a kefir yoghurt and berries. For dinner he has had fish soup and a few walnuts afterwards. That will be it for the day. I said to him, why doesn't he take a piece of fruit to work at least and he said no. He wants to also do a semi fast. He's done fasting before and it's never helped in the past. All I see is that it makes his mood 100 times worse! He's a very slim man with a low bmi anyway, I'm worried what he's going to be doing to himself via something he's read on the Internet.

We have a baby and toddler, both work and life gets busy, chaotic and stressful at times. He really needs to look after himself. I've tried saying all this but he just says I'm nagging and to stop.

Just to add, DH is very much one for phases. And whatever the latest phase is, he's always certain it will be the answer to all his problems.

Do I just let him get on with it? Am I justified to be worried about this new phase? AIBU to get frustrated with him?

For what it’s worth though, cutting out gluten and dairy did help a relative pretty much cure her psoriasis and eczema. You need to do it for a few months before the results start to show.

Annoyingly enough, fasting and lactose/glutenfree foods can and do put autoimmune diseases into remission. Not having lactose or gluten by chance (I was on a diet after Covid & lockdowns) and then having them again with the resulting horrendous response in skin and stomach led to my being diagnosed with Celiac disease with lactose intolerance caused by the celiac going untreated since childhood - and since I've maintained both and combined it with a second choice biologic, I've not had any flares (celiac, psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, tendinosis, autoimmune tinnitus at volume 11) at all. I'm stronger, healthier, fitter and far, far happier at 49 than I ever was at 29. Or 39. Or 19. Or 9.

Uncontrolled inflammation can also lead to mental health symptoms that aren't actually depression.

Purely coincidentally, DP also has Psoriasis and a history of both anxiety and being palmed off by his parents and GP with 'Oh, it's just stress'. He's also far healthier and happier eating the same foods as I do (except for oily fish, which he won't touch and you will only get my crunchy peanut butter out of my cold, dead hands).

I'd far rather not have to restrict the types of foods I eat - but the results of doing so with the biologics have made me feel normal for the first time since I was about 5 years old.

What he actually needs is a referral to dermatology for his Psoriasis. They won't palm him off with the 'oh, it's caused by anxiety, why don't you take some inappropriately prescribed antidepressants because you aren't actually depressed?' shit and could get him on a treatment path that actually starts him feeling better. Properly better.

He sounds like my BIL.

@NeverDropYourMooncup thank you. That's really interesting. I think my DH could possibly be on to something with diet but like you said, a proper diagnosis is needed. My frustration is that, I've offered to pay for him to go privately to see a dermatologist and he's reluctant to do that. All because he's being so stubborn to do things his way but he doesn't know what he's treating exactly and could potentially cause harm to himself in the process.

DH is approx 5ft 10 and 9.5 stone. Between his anxiety and new eating pattern, my worry is that he's going to lose weight that he can't afford to lose.

he needs to cut out one thing at a time otherwise how will he know what the cause is

also sholdnt stop meds and go cold turkey you have to be weaned off of them slowly

This

I don't know if he's open to hearing anecdotal evidence (although he is doing exactly that with the other exclusions), but whilst I'll take the piss out of the unhealthier aspects of my diet - largely black coffee, protein shakes and cigarettes - I do have either rice or potatoes in at least one and often two meals a day. GF bread is a bitter disappointment, so I don't often bother with it, can't handle gliadin, the protein in oats (it's a related thing with some celiacs) at all, and I normally have GF pasta once a week.

I'm definitely not a fan of full on exclusion diets. I felt awful on them and couldn't keep it up long enough to reintroduce one thing at a time. But cutting out gluten and cows' milk did give me the ability to then realise a) I felt much better and b) that GF oats also made me feel ill. I've not found anything else that makes me feel rubbish, so as far as I'm concerned, I don't need to start cutting out the foods I now rely upon.

What I don't get is why he's also so determined to fast from about 6.30pm to 4pm roughly the following day, as well as cut out so much from his diet at the same time. Although he's dabbled in fasting before, this exclusion diet seems very sudden and extreme when he hasn't sort any proper advice on it.

FODMAP
i so think as do others the restricted eating and autism are connected but sounds like he has other food related issues
all that said don’t make it your problem as well
I started gluten free over 5 years ago
then went low fat low sugar low carb
DP didn’t agree so I let him eat what he wanted
recently he has worked out for himself gluten and a few other things trigger his IBS so I just said fine and work with it