My Dad is getting married.....

[Cupcakebee]

So my father dropped a clanger we don't have a good relationship. He's had two failed marriages due to being a serial adulter. I see him ever two weeks mostly so he can spend time with his grandkids as I say our relationship is strained.

So he came round with a wedding Invite yesterday he's getting married soon. I didn't even know he was in a relationship and now I'm being invited to his wedding when I don't know his bride. There is also an age gap she's younger than me and my siblings. They have also not met her.....thoughts anyone my head is a mess.

Kiss goodbye to any inheritance.

What answer are you looking for here?

Let your dad live his live and stay out of it. So long as he's a good grandfather to his grandkids (sounds like he is if you facilitate fortnightly visits), who cares 🤷‍♀️

Wow this is my first time posting was hoping for a little more there there cream 😂 he's not that good of a grandfather. They aren't invited as this girls parents don't know he's a grandad. I also have concerns about this young ladys welfare she has no idea what she's letting herself in for. His two failed marriages are his doing. There marriage is started with decet and lies that fact her parents don't know he has grandchildren it's all a bit of mess I don't know why I posting what I hope to achieve just some other perspective I guess.

🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

I think you should meet her. I doubt that your DH's fiancée knows what he is like, and should be aware. You are right to be concerned about her welfare as a decent human being.

Do your children enjoy spending time with him? Do they benefit from it?

You're saying he's not that good a grandfather. If you yourself have a strained relationship with your father, is it really worth continuing to facilitate your Children's relationship with your father?

If your own relationship with him is so poor that you don't even know he's dating before he hits you with a wedding invitation, then to be honest, I'd just go NC. Sounds like it would be a lot less stressful.

As for his fiancée's parents being unaware that he had grandchildren, then with all due respect, that's none of your business. At this point, the fiancée presumably won't change her mind, so whilst I'm sure it's upsetting that he's hiding your children from his fiancée's family, there's nothing to be done about that.

Just politely decline the invite.

Politely decline the invite and stop facilitating his visits. It sounds like he won’t want much to do with your grandchildren in future anyway if he is already hiding or denying their very existence.

YANBU

I felt pretty much this way when my dad did this. I don’t see him that much any more.

He had a live family but clearly we were never enough for him.

Lovely family. Of course we’re live!

damn autocorrect

If his fiancée doesn’t know he’s a grandfather, how is he planning on introducing them? Will it be a ‘surprise! I know you’re only 28 but meet your six step grandchildren’? Or is he planning on keeping them a secret? I’d he expecting you to keep them secret too? How will that make them feel when they’re old enough to understand? He doesn’t sound like a particularly good grandfather to me.

I think you either decline on the basis that the whole thing is a sham and you refuse to condone his lies, or you accept with an eye roll on the basis that it’s utterly meaningless and just the sort of messed up thing your dad does. I’d do the first, but I have zero patience for this sort of nonsense, especially when children are involved. I certainly wouldn’t be giving him a chance to treat them the same way he has treated you.

The fiancée is younger than you?

I think that gives you permission to sit this one out.

YANBU. At the very least, your df should have introduced you all, long before he organised a wedding.

I'd ask to meet her before the wedding. Invite her for a drink somewhere on neutral ground. Be friendly, factual, calm. Let her ask you questions.

It isn't going to be easy on any of you.

I'd go to the wedding because I'd be really curious to see it. Have you got siblings that you could go with? I'd be glad not to take the kids.

My Dad's about a year ago got married to a woman who he'd been in a relationship for 6 months, I'd met her once for around a couple of hours. Honestly, he's going to do what he wants anyway, I'd sit it out if I were you.

I wasn't given the option, none of his or her children were invited to the wedding and it's been a nightmare ever since then. Good luck OP!

Don't see how you can go to a wedding and not mention the existence of your kids - surely her family are likely to engage in conversation with you at a wedding? Maybe ask your dad about that. I wouldn't be lying about the existence of my children. Agree with others that it would be better to meet the bride in advance of the wedding.

Presumably the invitation has her details on it?
Track her down, cordially invite her round to see you and her new STEP GRANDKIDS, and casually spill the beans while your Dad is in the loo ("I'm so happy he's found someone, I'm sure he only cheated on his previous wives because they weren't right for him" or some such disingenuous guff).

As long as you can keep a straight face...