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Original poster

Want another baby but timing isn’t right

16 replies

IcyBlonde15 · 20/06/2022 19:02

I think I just want to be told I’m not BU for feeling like this but maybe I am. My husband and I have agreed that although we both DO want a third baby, now is not the right time. We are financially stable but I am not great with money and my husband says he would like me to get better control over my spending before we go for a 3rd. Our eldest has severe autism and he is very challenging atm and we already get very little sleep and I have just started retraining for a new career path. Also, I’d be lying if I didn’t have a gender preference (we have two the same) which is not a good way to go into it as I’d hate to be disappointed, which is an attitude I don’t want We have agreed to talk about it maybe in two years time and I hope to go into it fully accepting I could end up with another boy and be ok with it. But these last few weeks there have been a spate of pregnancy announcements and I’ve felt pangs of jealousy every single one. I just wish it was me. I know logically and practically we can’t just have a baby now because other people are doing it but I hate feeling this jealous! Has anyone else been in the same boat? And how did you ride it out?

OP posts:
MobLife · 20/06/2022 19:37

Would you be able to manage if you had another baby and they also had severe autism?

Backtothefuture1908 · 20/06/2022 19:47

Yes! This was me for a couple of years and even though I'm only early 30s, I talked myself out of it and now feel quite content with my decision to stick with two.

Coolhand2 · 20/06/2022 19:51

I would stick to your plans of when you want the baby, not go along with other people. You can ask to snuggle their babies. With money, I would recommend you watch Dave Ramsey show on youtube. And try and follow his baby steps. I agree with your husband about getting a handle of your spending. I started following Dave Ramsey after my 1st DC and it has given me financial peace with having 2 more kids. I spent what is in my budget and able to save. It helps to be organized, life is less stressful.

Nothappyatwork · 20/06/2022 19:53

I just went ahead and got pregnant. No regrets either

iamamother · 20/06/2022 19:57

I would consider the possibility of another autistic child, there is a much higher chance if you already have one autistic child of having another.

if you already had two of different gender would you still go for a third or do you think you are mainly motivated by wanting the different gender? I would think very carefully about the reality of having another of the same gender and accept that possibility first

B0ssAssB1tch · 20/06/2022 20:00

You're not getting much sleep, struggling to cope with money, your older ds needs a lot of care and you've just started retraining. Why would you want to add a baby to that mix?!

TwilightSkies · 20/06/2022 20:01

Focus on the family you have now, and your career.
It would be madness to have another child.
Stop thinking about your own ‘wants’ and think about what is best for everyone in the family.
How would it improve your families lives to have another child?

Mariposista · 20/06/2022 20:22

TwilightSkies · 20/06/2022 20:01

Focus on the family you have now, and your career.
It would be madness to have another child.
Stop thinking about your own ‘wants’ and think about what is best for everyone in the family.
How would it improve your families lives to have another child?

Totally agree! 'I want' doesn't mean 'should have'.

Original poster
IcyBlonde15 · 20/06/2022 20:47

Coolhand2 oh wow thank you, is there a good video to begin with and what’s it called?

OP posts:
Critiquelist · 20/06/2022 20:55

I’m pretty sure I read a statistic that said if you have two children of the same sex you’ve an 80% chance of the third child being the same sex again.

MolliciousIntent · 20/06/2022 20:57

Nothappyatwork · 20/06/2022 19:53

I just went ahead and got pregnant. No regrets either

All by yourself?

iamamother · 20/06/2022 21:21

Critiquelist · 20/06/2022 20:55

I’m pretty sure I read a statistic that said if you have two children of the same sex you’ve an 80% chance of the third child being the same sex again.

I don’t think that’s true, I saw a study with some statistics and it was still pretty much 50/50 chance of each sex, I think there was a very slight lean to another of the same sex but nothing noteworthy

But still a 50% chance is not good enough to go through having another child in order to try and get a specific gender IMO

BurbageBrook · 20/06/2022 21:27

It’s just your hormones talking and it would be completely irrational to have another child, not to mention not really fair on your existing boys.

Just keep reminding yourself it’s the hormones and ride it out. It’ll pass.

Coolhand2 · 22/06/2022 05:07

@IcyBlonde15 The Ramsey show is what it's called, lots of videos and all helpful.

PonyPals · 22/06/2022 05:38

I think you are crazy to be considering a 3rd!

AgentJohnson · 22/06/2022 05:53

Is this really about wanting a third or the temporary escapist feelings of having a third?

if you had one of each gender, would you want a third? If your first didn’t have autism would you want a third? If there wasn’t a spate of announcements, would you want a third?

Whatever emotional high you associate with having a third would quickly be squashed by the reality, given your current circumstances.

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