To hate and disowning my family members

[Saltnpeppertofu]

I'm feeling really hurt and angry. I've always been close to my family members, meeting up for bbq's, party's and Xmas etc. I have a lot of cousins and we are all similar in age. I've always been there for them when they've been through life's curve balls, even financially.
Now my life's gone down the pan and they aren't there at all for me. I'm gutted. I don't need financial support, just a kind word that's all.
My husband has terminal cancer and I've 2 young boys, I'm under tremendous strain and have been for 2 years since his 1st diagnosis. The whole family knows the situation, yet not one single cousin has txt to ask if I am ok.
My friend thinks I'm expecting too much, that everyone is busy with their own lives, and that perhaps they dont know what to say, but I can't see how sending a simple text is putting someone out that much. Even people I don't really know at my boys school text to ask how I am and if I need anything.
When my cousin was cheated on I was there for her and her boys, and when my other cousin split from her husband, I kept in touch with her and sent her stuff for a new house. I always made an effort. Now I'm going through this they've all gone silent. I haven't ever asked them why because I feel I'm only just keeping it together as it is.
This has made me want to turn my back in the lot of them, not even ask them to the funeral since they've never bothered with my husband , me or boys in 2 years. My kids are sad too that we've been left like this, they 7 and 10.
What's your opinion?
Thanks

I am so sorry. This is awful. My stepdad died of cancer 7 years ago and loads of people looked the other way - but his funeral was packed. He was massively popular. I think people are scared and they put it off until it’s too late. I also think that everyone thinks everyone else must be involved and that they’d better give you some space. Tell them how you feel. Ask for help. Then if they aren’t there for you, then you need to reach out to the people who are there instead. Sometimes people need to be told what to do. I really hope you get the support you need. One day at a time. I wish you all the best.

They probably don't know what to say. And once they haven't been in touch for a while it's probably worse, because they don't know how bad it's got and they don't want to send a friendly "how are you" and risk it arriving at a bad point.
Possibly it's easier for the school mums because they're on the spot so they can offer practical help.

You could just ignore, and make the most of those who are supporting you. Or you could try making a suggestion, eg "What with DH so unwell, we haven't managed to visit for a while, and the kids are missing seeing their cousins. Can we get them together?" Make it easy for them, and perhaps you can get things going again. Add any detail you can that will help them know what to expect eg "DH can only really cope with an hour of visitors, but we could have a quick cuppa then maybe you/we could take them all to the park."

im so sorry you’re struggling OP. You’ve got so much to worry about and it’s not unreasonable to hope your family
might be there for you.

Hurtful truth is they probably don’t see your relationship as being as close as you think it is. I’ve tried to be friendly with my cousins but it’s never reciprocated so I stopped. They never noticed and behave as if everything is the same as ever when we see each other at events. It is hurtful at first but I think now is when you discover who your true friends are and those are the people you lean on and build stronger relationships with. You can’t pick your family but you can choose your friends.

You are not wrong, it's shitty
I don't buy this they don't know what to say' a text just saying 'thinking about you all' is better than nothing
@Saltnpeppertofu