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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My childs father had another baby

2 replies

Hfgjhcjvjv · 20/06/2022 12:47

My child is 10 and I have always brought him up by myself. Me & his father separated when my child was 8 months old. Since he has always been very dificult, part time dad. He does not and hardly ever has done contributed towards his child, and even now when I know he works but am unable to prove it (btw CMS is the worst organisation in the world) he is not paying a penny towards him. Due to my work schedules, I had to rely on my ex to help me with childcare, mainly because I sometimes work nights. It has always been like pulling teeth. I he never did anything with him, no days out, so when my child was at his house he would spemd hohrs on end on tablet and games. But I always thought as long as he is fed & safe, i will always provide everything else.

Aprox. 6 months ago I was dropping my child off at dads to go to work. And it was as if something just switched. My child became gysterical, screaming, crying, shouting saying that he never wanted to stay or see dad again. That he shoves and pushes him, calls him names, puts him down and makes him feel.like he's a burden.

That was the last time my child saw his father (6 months ago). I told his father that until he sorts his issues out (anger, agression, alcohol, and few other) and starts contributing financially to his child I will not allow for him to see him.

I have not heard from him since. In fact I was blocked. It took me months of work, chats, classes, chatting to specialists to get my child back to his normal self. My chils has been keeping it all in for months and it affected him hugely. My child is now in a very happy place, thriving, doing amazing at school, just being a normal, happy calm child. My child mentions dad, says misses him but doesn't want to see him if he carried on the same treatment.

My childs father recently had another baby with his new partner. My child knew they were expecting a baby, but doesn't know it was born.

I have a while ago made a decision that due to everything that has taken place and no contact, not even asking how my child is for 6 months, if he was to see my child, he would have to go to court.

I have made a decision not to inform my child about the new sibling, because i know how much this would affect my child.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
BiscoffSundae · 20/06/2022 12:51

Well he knows they were expecting a baby so surely he will know it’s born now? 🤷‍♀️

Youseethethingis1 · 20/06/2022 12:57

Given that it looks like your ex won't be in his son's life in future, the birth of another child is neither here nor there.
I'd not hide it if he brings it up, but also wouldn't go out of my way to make a thing of it. As PP said, he knows that the baby was coming so it's not a great big secret. It's just not relevant to ok his life anymore IMO.

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